Everlasting Hope
by Xeriana
Summary: This story contains pre and post game. Impulsive actions leads to unexpected tragedies. How will Diana's life be changed?
1. Gossip

_So this is my first fan fiction. Hope you will enjoy the story._

_Summary: They just left Orzammar and have finished the last treaty. Diana and her party is now on the way to Redcliffe._

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Dragon Age, It all belongs to Bioware. I wished I owned Zevran, raaawr._

They left Orzammar in the morning. The first ray of sunlight was warming their faces as they roamed down Frostback Mountains. Diana knew she still had Wynne's disapproving eyes after her. Shale died in the deep roads, thanks to her greed to have stronger armies. She just wished the dwarves would realize that they can't keep using the anvil, and hoped that she had done the right decision. She thanked Wynne, at least the mage didn't talk about it.

It started to snow, Diana shivered, her armor didn't do any good against the cold. All those harsh winters in Highever never hardened her, she was always the one freezing, looking like a fat old lady with so many cloaks to keep her warm. Fergus always made fun of her for this, since he could almost run out half naked without even feeling the cold. Of course that always drove their mother nuts, since Fergus ended up sick anyway. Diana chuckled, and felt an aching pain in her gut. She grasped her necklace she got from her father's figment, memory or whatever it was she saw in The Gauntlet. It was the only thing she had that could remind her of home.

_I miss you..._

Now Diana had a new family. Leliana was a sister, a best friend, she never had. She always frighten the noble girls that visited Highever. Since she was a fighter, always been one since she could hold a sword, without tripping over the edge. She didn't care for marriages, boys, fashion and thought this was always a boring topic to discuss. Leliana of course had tried to get her to shop shoes with her when they were in Denerim, a few months back. Diana sneaked away from her to look at all the shiny swords and daggers, this made Leliana grumpy, when she found out that she had been talking to herself for the past thirty minutes in the shop, and everyone thought she was insane.

Wynne, the righteous one. She always wondered if Wynne always seemed to be "doing the right thing" person because she was a mage and wanted to prove to everyone that mages can be trusted, or if was just her personality. Otherwise Wynne was like a mother figure to her. It did feel comforting to talk to someone about being a Warden, her inner conflicts about being a leader. Wynne always listened and gave advice.

_Aouch._

She had hit a tree. She rubbed her forehead, and there it was. The snow on the tree fell down hard on Diana, and it got inside her armor, she heard laughter behind her.

"Oh you think that's funny do you?" She said giving Leliana an evil grin who almost fell down in the snow laughing.

"It seems our leader has met her deadliest foe yet!" An antivan accent cackled.

"Oh shut it!" Diana laughed, smiled mischievously, kneeled down, grabbing snow in her hand,

_Oh, that's cold!_

She formed it to a snowball and threw it on the assassin's face. It was a full hit. It was worth the numbness in her fingers.

She laughed at his expression but got shut up by a snowball coming from Alistair's direction.

Leliana kept laughing, so much her face turned red.

Wynne sighed, shaking her head, she and Morrigan created a shield around them so they wouldn't have to initiate in their childish games. Sten had began to walk slowly, saying something like.

"I swore an oath to children. If the arishok saw this..."

Oghren already had problem being outside. The little dwarf was just trying to hold on to the ground. He didn't like snow, and was walking next to Sten, thinking the giant body would protect him from any incoming balls.

Troy barked and tried to catch any snowballs that were flying. He failed miserably at it.

Diana was suddenly grabbed by the assassin. He easily got her on the ground, in the snow, thanks to the ice and they were traveling downhill.

He had took a big chunk of show in his hands, and chuckled, while sitting above her.

"Oh, don't you dare!" Diana gasped at him.

He dropped the snow on her and she was covered in it. She cursed Zevran who ran away from her.

She was now insanely cold. Leliana approached, still laughing.

"Psh, you only gonna laugh at me now?" Diana said, her teeth shivering.

"No, I thought you might need this." She handed her a red colored cloak.

"That's not going to help the snow that is inside my armor, or my hair." she frowned., feeling her hair, that was now icicles.

Grinning, Leliana patted her on the shoulder, "You do know Bodhan is just behind us right, you can probably just change your armor and wait for this one to get dry.

Diana waited for Bodhan and Sandal to catch up with them. She convinced them easily about getting a new armor.

"Oh, this one is perfect for you." He said, handing over a blue, leather armor.

"Thank you, Bodhan." Diana said, she stepped away from the rest of the group that stopped for a short break, thinking no one would see her.

_Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm so going to regret this._

She took of her snow drenched armor and her wet tunic under it, she was almost naked, freezing her ass off. She tried getting the new armor on. She saw a note, carved in it, saying "Shadow of the Empire".

--

He was watching her, watching those swaying hips as she went out from his sight to change. He did not understand this creature with her long blonde hair that glistened in sunlight, her smooth steps, how she fought monsters with light feet and daggers. He loved her eyes - flashing green eyes that gleamed with a desire for justice, a familiar look he had seen long ago in another. He was fascinated with her body;

her perfectly shaped curves, her long legs and her chest. He'd seen a lot of women; somehow this _goddess_ exceeded them all. He could not explain this temptation;

it was beyond his normal needs. She was irresistible. He wanted her. He wanted to pleasure her, to feel her body under his, to hear her moans close to his ear, telling him that she wanted him. The thought of being inside her got his heart beating so hard that it almost exploded.

His thoughts got interrupted by Oghren's drunk voice. The dwarf had loosened up since he started to drink his ale, and he sat down next to Zevran, close to the fire, that Morrigan created for them.

"I didn't think she'd go for an elf."

"She who?"

"You and the Warden? I know what's going on there."

Zevran was quite surprised, not that he minded that people knew that he fancied her. But if a constant drunk dwarf that hadn't even been traveling with them for less then a day, could notice it merely by looking at him, then he must have looked quite the fool.

He returned the dwarf's question with a sharp retort. "Oh? Does that make you jealous my stout little friend?"

Oghren looked upset.

"Me? Ha! Last thing I need is another woman in my life!"

"One wife was enough for you I see."

"Branka was only slightly more woman then I am. Bristle-chinned poetess."

"Shocking that our fair Grey Warden did not choose you!"

"Wonders never cease."

And with the nasty burp Oghren let out, the conversation ended.

He had tried seducing her, but when he thought he had her, the fool of a templar always interfered. He knew that the idiot was still against having him following their cause to defeat the Blight. The bastard watched the dear Warden with his own temptation in his eyes. Whether she had noticed, he could not say. She always seemed lost in her own thoughts.

After the short break, where everyone tried to warm up from their previous game, they started to march again.

Zevran noticed as the protective templar hurried to their leader's side. He had pretty good hearing, and wasn't ashamed when he listened in on their conversation.

--

Diana noticed Alistair hurrying next to her side, as they were walking. They were almost out of the passage, between the ground and the mountains. She was still cold, but got warmer with every step they took further.

"So we've been wandering for some time. I just wondered your opinions on our...traveling companions."

"Time for juicy gossip I take it?" She grinned at him.

"Yes, yes, I have this excellent idea that I will tell everyone what you

said and take over the leadership!" he laughed.

"Oh, very funny. I wouldn't trust you to lead us anywhere. We would just wind up either dead or lost!" she said, giving the templar an evil grin.

Alistair looked at her with his goofy smile, "Ey, that hurt my manly feelings. No, but seriously I just wondered."

"Sounds like fun. Ask away!"

"Zevran, you can't trust him, can you?"

She sighed, of course he had to start with him. Zevran joined their group, five months ago. The assassin had proven himself quite useful, and a funny companion. She felt herself being drawn to him, something she couldn't explain. It was weird, that's for sure, since he did try to kill them. Even then, she began to trust the assassin more and more, and being far less tense then she had been at the start. When she did talk to him at their campings, he always tried to get her in his bed. She always laughed it off at first, but when she noticed he was actually serious, it had been very difficult to push him away at some points. His accent always was so damn seductive, he stroke her face and exposed areas just right, and it always felt like he could see through her armor. When Zevran had her in his trance, Alistair always yelled at her from across camp.

"Why do you ask? Jealous?" She sniggered

"Maybe. That's not the point!"

Diana bit her lower lip, just hoping she wouldn't get a headache from this.

"...I don't think he will try to kill us again."

The corners of Alistair mouth quirked upward.

"What's stopping him?"

"I...trust him, Alistair. Now stop bugging me about this!"

"You put to much trust in someone that tried to kill us. I think I deserve

to know why!"

She hated when Alistair pushed her to answer his stupid questions.

"I believe that people deserve second chances, and this conversation is over!"

He looked hurt, but left her alone, and backed away from her.


	2. Oghren's fine ale

At the outskirts of Redcliffe the Diana told them to set up a camp.

The sun was setting and it would soon be night. They could wait until daybreak before going to the arl saying that they had gathered all the allies they needed.

Leliana convinced Diana to take a bath with her in the nearby pond, they saw on the way. She had washed her hair, with a schampoo from Orlais. She had also given the Warden some oil for the body, she smelled nice for once.

_Better to enjoy it while you still can, Diana._

After they all had dinner, most of her companions went to bed. The smell of stewed rabbit was still hanging in the air, a smell they were all tired off.

It was her time to watch camp. She sat on the log, staring into the fire.

These past months had gone by so fast. Just six months ago she was living her everyday life. She thought about the day she had met Duncan. She sniggered

- how she had pestered her father about joining the coming battle! She remembered Howe, Maker if she only had known...she would have slit his throat right then and there. She threw the stick she was holding into the fire,

_Good show Diana, show that stick how angry you are at it! _

She sighed, her thoughts wandering. She thought of the time when she first met Alistair. The shy templar was always making inappropriate jokes. He was handsome, and a very kind man, even if he could be stupidly jealous at some points. She knew he cared deeply for her. He was a virgin, but what no one knew was that she was too. She hadn't really had the opportunity. She had tried it once with a knight. It did not end well, and she hadn't wanted to try it afterwards.

Zevran's talk about sex always had her wondering - she hadn't experienced her attempt at all like the way he told it. Diana once had a dream about the elf. She felt her cheeks flame red by just thinking about it. It was a nice dream though, being bellow his naked body...

Why was she so drawn to him?

The assassin had surprised her and proven to be a friend during these few months, when they had been in elven camp in Brecilian forest, she had bought a pair of dalish gloves. She just wondered when to give them to him. Would he even be happy to get something to remind him of his mother?

_Cursed nug humper, stop think about that, you crazy woman!_

She sighed and took a bottle of ale from Oghren's personal stack.

_I'm sure he won't mind. _

She took a few sips. Surely this would help her not to think about silly

things that would distract her. She took another sip.

--

Zevran observed her from a distance in the shadows. He saw her drinking the foul dwarven ale. He wondered why he was obsessed with the Warden. He cared for her more then he wanted to, more then he could understand. Had he not learned his lesson?

He never wanted _her _to know what effect she had on him.

He could still finish his contract if he wanted to. The girl trusted him enough, so doing so would be easy enough. So why can't he do it?

She had been the first one to sit down and talk with him in camp, while everyone was keeping a watchful eye on them. He was surprised by this, but liked her presence. The woman had asked him about Antiva, why he wanted to be an assassin.

When he told his sad childhood tale, the Warden sitting next to him, had compassion for him. She said if he accepted, they were his new family. She could be his family.

Zevran watched her face reflected by the fire. She was pretty, and he could even admit that she was the most beautiful woman he had seen, and he has seen many pretty faces in Antiva.

He wanted her badly, to touch her, to feel her, to smell her. The templar had already gone to bed for the night, so he wouldn't interrupt Zevran this time.

He came out from the shadows and sat next to her, closer than normal, even with the dwaven smell, and the odor from their dinner was still strong, he could smell her own fragrance, the faint scent of roses.

She seemed surprised by his presence, "I thought everyone was asleep."

"How can I be asleep when such a beautiful woman is sitting by herself all alone?

I always told you my Warden. I worship beauty!" He nudged her knee.

"Then why don't you bother Leliana or Morrigan?"

"Yes, yes, I could do that." He leaned closer to her, whispering in her ear.

"But on the other hand, they are nowhere close to your divinty,"

he said stroking her cheek.

She shivered involuntarily and stood up. "I got something for you," she

said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Reeeally?"

"Yes." She went to her tent, looking for something in her backpack. She returned with a package in her hand, flushing as she handed it to him.

Zevran felt the package in his hands. She didn't want to meet his eyes, so she took a few more sips of the ale. She staggered a little when she sat down next him again. He opened the package and he saw a pair of gloves. Dalish ones, they looked exactly like his...

"Do you like them? I thought they looked like that, from what you've told

me." She looked very red in the face.

"They are...beautiful," he whispered.

"I got them, at the Dalish camp. I asked Master Varathorn to make a pair from your description."

"Why did you do that?" Zevran was genuinely surprised.

"I...when you told me about the gloves from your mother, and from all that you've told me about your youth, I thought you should have something that you can call your own."

He looked at her, and without thinking he started to kiss her. She seemed startled but didn't stop him. He closed in, pressing his body closer to hers.


	3. Something unexpected

Diana felt his hot lips against her. She had never felt a burning desire like this before. Was the booze affecting her this way? She usually put up more of a fight when Zevran was trying to woo her, and yet she could not resist him. She pushed against Zevran's chest, shoving him away. Panting,

she looked at him. His dangerous eyes pierced hers and his seductive voice was

next to her ear. "My dear Warden, you deserve some fun, do you not?"

"It's not that..." She wondered if it was a wise idea to explain this to him, but her drunkenness got the better of her. "I have never done...this…before, and I want to wait for someone that won't leave me for the first maiden he will see."

He looked at her surprised. "You? A woman so beautiful, has not experienced the act of love?"

She looked at him and he chuckled, giving her a coy smile. She felt ashamed, and it felt like she put her head in a fireplace, such was her embarrassment.

"I've told you enough." She tried to stand up, and did so, with Zevran's

help.

He followed her to her tent. Before she went inside she heard him say:

"Thank you...for the gift. That you even thought of me…I will treasure

this."

"It was nothing."

They looked at each other, and Zevran chuckled. "Now, don't let me ruin your beauty sleep, my dear Warden. Don't worry - I will keep watch."

"Isn't it Leliana's turn?"

"It doesn't bother me. I can't sleep anyhow, when I almost had a beautiful woman in my bed." He sniggered. "You do taste delicious, pet." He kissed her hand before walking away, and she couldn't think straight.

She pulled him close to her; he seemed surprised by this but did not stop her. They kissed; she opened her mouth to let his tongue in, to caress hers. He took his hands on her waist, pulling her close to him. Their armor pressed against each other. Zevran's quick, flexible hands made short work to get them off. She had a thin tunic and trousers, and she could feel him looking.

"You are very beautiful love, you do not need to hide," he said with that seductive look on his face. He took her in her arms, kissing her gently, and took off her clothes.

--

He saw Diana's body, and knew he was right. She truly was a goddess. He guided her down onto the ground in her tent. Kissing her neck, his hands touching her breasts. He could feel her fast breathing. He started to kiss her down her chest, taking a nipple in his mouth. She moaned and twitched her body. Zevran took his free hand, leading it slowly down her belly to caress the place he

knew women loved to be touched. She moaned loudly, pulling his face close to hers, kissing him. Zevran felt her wetness, and slid a finger inside of her. He teased her with his slow movements; he knew how to please a woman and he wanted to be careful with her, since she hadn't done this before.

"Oh Zev…" he heard her say, followed by heavy breathing. She was getting close. He took his finger out and took off his clothes. He felt her hands on his body. She wanted him, he could tell. He wasn't going to deny her the pleasure.

He slid gently inside of her. Her hands on his back were pulling him closer and he felt her nails digging in. He loved it. Pain with pleasure was how he liked it. He was fully inside - he felt her tightness, and she felt better then he thought she could. He had his hands on the bedroll, both next to her head, and he went slowly in and out of her. He could tell she was enjoying it. He started to get rougher and faster, grabbing her back and putting his entire muscle work into pleasuring her. She started to breathe faster, and her moans were only trigging him on. She bit his shoulder and he felt her suddenly shuddering beneath him. He slid out of her, lying on his back, and got her on top of him. He led her up and down his hips and pulled his arms around her so she was close to him. His thrusts went faster and faster.

The world could end now for all he cared - the Blight could come and swallow

them. He didn't care, for he felt like the happiest man alive.


	4. Love hurts

Diana woke up and felt a warm body holding her. Zevran smelled like leather, a scent she was rather fond of, come to think of it. This was like any other morning, but still unlike any she had. So that's what it feels like. She felt ashamed, the alcohol must have provoked her animal instincts. She thought about Alistair, of that night when he gave her the rose and the shy kiss they shared. She remembered when he told her that he cared about her more then just being a fellow Grey Warden. Andraste's Ass, she didn't want to face today. She felt movement behind her and saw Zevran's wicked smile. "Good morning my dear, did you sleep well last night, well, the little sleep considering..." He started to nibble on her shoulders. She shivered, he chuckled.

They were awake before anyone else, and had begun to pack their belongings.

She looked at Zevran, who was working to get his tent folded. His slimming, muscular, tanned body, Maker, he's attractive. He was an evil, evil man. Seduced her with his..._talk._ Gah, how can she blame him for this? She invited him to her tent, not the other way around. She did not regret the night they shared. So why all the angry feelings? Was it guilt, for Alistair? Diana slapped herself mentally.

She saw Leliana appear from her tent.

"Ey, Leli, you forgot your watch last night."

Leliana laughed.

"Actually I didn't, you just didn't hear me," She said with a wicked grin.

Diana blushed.

"I tucked in, when dawn appeared.." she continued.

"Oh, ok, sorry."

"How did you sleep last night?"  
"Yes, yes very good." Diana mumbled, feeling her cheeks getting hot. She surely must look red in the face.  
"Mhm, I'm sure," Leliana was at the burst of laughing and she hugged her and she whispered:

"So how was he? He must have been something if he could make you moan that loud."

Diana wished she could just disappear from this awkward moment.

"Aw, you're so cute when you blush. You have good taste anyway, he's an attractive one your Zevran," Leliana giggled, she noticed the assassin was done packing his tent and got closer to them, she said:

"Oh, Diana, when we get to Denerim you better get ready for some shopping. Don't leave me alone this time!" She said with a pout lip, "I always wanted to see you in a dress. You would be so beautiful in one."  
"What's wrong with her beauty now? You should see her..." An Antivan accent joined the conversation.

Diana felt her face go red. She did not wish them to continue.

"Let's go to Redcliffe as soon as possible,"  
she interrupted before the bard and the assassin could continue their babbling.  
"Everyone is still asleep. Leliana will you do the honors?" Diana smiled

"Of course!" She bowed and took the pan and the metal spoon from the fire place, where they had kept their cooking supplies for the night. She banged the pan with the spoon which was very loud and in the matter of minutes the entire fellowship were wide awake.

When Diana was back at her tent, she found the gloves she'd given Zevran.

"I was looking for those."

She felt his hand on her shoulders and gave the gloves to him.  
"Thank you, pet"  
"Zev..."

She couldn't understand why she was so upset with him and her words blurted out before she could stop it. 

--

"Hmm?"

"Is this a game to you?"  
He seemed surprised by her question.

"What do you mean?"

"Last night...was it a game to you? Did you achieve your goal as lover? Getting the virgin in bed?"

The Warden sounded angry.

"I don't understand," he turned her so he could see her "have I done something wrong? As I recall you invited me to your tent."

"Maybe this didn't mean anything to you. But unfortunately...it has for me." She said looking down on her hands.

He did not like the sound of this conversation, he hasn't come terms with his inner war about what he had been feeling lately for her.

She looked at him with those green penetrating eyes.

He was an coward.

"My dear, last night, was a night like any other. One we both enjoyed, no? Let me make it simple for you my Warden. You should go after your fancies as you like as will I. Let's not make this a bigger issue then it is."

He was a coward, he needed to protect himself, from whatever this is. Her eyes grew furious, she slapped him on the cheek, and stormed off.

It was exactly what he deserved. He rubbed his cheek. How could he explain something to her that he didn't understand himself. Everything he was taught by the Crow's told him this is wrong. His feelings were wrong, he always told himself it was only temptation, but something else was growing in him and he didn't like it. He knew how it ended last time.

He put on the gloves he got from her, they had her scent on them, roses, not hard to understand, since they had been lying on top of them.

He was a stupid man.


	5. The Royal Bastard

Diana was furious as she led the group up to Redcliffe castle. She noticed Alistair was walking next to her.

"Are you upset by something?" he asked.

"Can't you tell?" She snapped back at him.

"Sorry, I wondered if you needed to talk."

"I..." She slowed her pace. "I'm sorry, I can't talk about it."

"You know where I am if you need to...you know, talk." He touched her arm. She snatched it back like he burnt her.

As they walked into the courtyard, she focused her eyes on the testing ring that the Redcliffe soldiers were training in. She wanted to fight; it was a good way to get her anger out.

When Diana went inside the castle, the arl looked pleased with that she had accomplished, and called for the Landsmeet. They were going to leave for Denerim the next morning.

--

The fellowship was going to stay at the castle for the night before embarkingon their journey. Alistair looked at the complex woman in front of him. Shewas talking to the arl about the Landsmeet, claiming that it would be for the best if Alistair was made king. Eamon agreed. The templar's only thought was that they were going to sleep in comfortable beds for one night, undisturbed. He looked at her body. Maker, she was perfect. Maybe this would be the right time. The thought of having her in his bedroom made his head tingle.

Diana left the castle immdeiately. She went down to the courtyard as soon she was done talking to Eamon. Alistair followed her after Eamon had talked with him about his duty to Ferelden. He saw her sparring down in the castle courtyards with Zevran. She had fiery eyes glaring at him that wanted to kill. He liked that of course, since he didn't care for the elf himself, and assassin had probably done something to upset her otherwise she wouldn't look so angry. He wondered what it could be.

From his perspective it looked like they both danced in a circle, both evadingeach others blows, it was hard to tell who the better opponent was. They looked like twins in their fighting style. Diana looked so angry that Alistair was surprised smoke didn't come out her nose.

He heard Zevran chuckle. "My fair Warden, control that anger of yours, or it could lead to your death one of these days."

She said nothing.

It was silent on the courtyard; he noticed that everyone's eyes were fixed upon those two. There was fury between them that Alistair could not understand.

Diana suddenly rushed towards Zevran, but he didn't look surprised - he knew what to do. He pulled her down with a tight grip on her shoulders, his legs swiping hers away from underneath. He was on top of her, with his dagger at her throat. They were both panting heavily, and he saw Zevran whispering something in her ear. She smacked him in the face and headed towards the castle.

Alistair whistled, but shut up as fast when he saw her glaring eyes at him.

Wynne was healing Zevran's bruise on his face. "I wonder what you said to make her that upset." She commented while waving her hand inches from the assassin's eye, blue magic erupted from her fingers.

"You will never find that out, my fair Wynne." was his reply. "And may I say something, my dear mage? Your bosom looks even better this close up. I should get punched more often if it leads to being closer to that marvellous bosom!"

Wynne continued her healing, sighing heavily.

"Why are you healing him?" Alistair asked. He crossed his arms, frowning.

"He probably deserved what he got."

Zevran shot a glance at him. "Oh, no doubt I did," he said.

"What did you say to her?"

"Is that really your business, my good friend?" The Antivan chuckled.

"I'm not your good friend!" He said through gritted teeth.

Zevran smiled mischievously at the templar. "If you must know, ask her. Maybe in her bed. She might remember all the nasties I said there."

Alistair grew furious, he knew Zevran was playing on his nerves, and it worked.

"Oh, that is if you ever will join her,' the elf continued blithely. 'At the moment, it does not look that way. Want some tips, Alistair?"

Alistair had an urge to wipe that smile of the elf's face. He felt like his cheeks were boiling. Zevran merely chuckled, thanked Wynne and walked into the castle.

"Do not let him affect you so, child." Wynne put a hand on Alistair's shoulder.

"Kadan beat me in Haven in a blink of an eye. How could this elf defeat

her?" Sten's only reaction was one of solemn confusion.

Diana was one of the best fighters Alistair had ever seen; he was surprised that Zevran had defeated her in the duel. When they encountered him the first time, she had him by her knees.

Alistair chuckled at Sten's face. He looked more angry then Diana did. "The puny elf will fight me. My honor is at stake."

"Go get him, Sten. I'll back you up!"

"I do not need backing up human," Sten said, glaring at Alistair.

--

Diana was in her room, pacing on the soft carpet on the floor. The fire place made a cracking noise, and she felt the warmth emanating from it. She had a glass of wine in her hand, and with a sip she thought about what happened in the ring.

"Oh, I seem to recall this position, just you were naked and I was thru..."

She felt her face burning up by Zevran's words and drank all the wine and threw the glass against the wall. She was an idiot. She should have seen through Zevran - thinking that he might change was just stupid. He was an assassin taught to feel nothing and to take his pleasures where he could find them. She was no exception. She heard a knock on the door. She opened it and saw Alistair.

"Come in."

He stepped in and closed the door behind him. He looked nervous.

"Was it something you wanted?" Diana asked, crossing her arms.

"You seem so angry, do you want to talk about it?"

"No!"

"Diana..." He tried to get closer but she backed away with every step he took forward. She almost had her ass in the fire.

"Something is bothering you. I can tell." He said, looking at the smashed glass on the floor.

_The silly templar don't know when to stop, does he?_

Diana sighed.

"It's nothing."

"Is it about the assassin?"

She felt her heart skip a beat, and her expression didn't go unnoticed.

"Ah so it is about him. What did he do? Make more sexual attempts?" Alistair chuckled.

She knew that Alistair would never think that Diana, a noble lady, would ever in her right mind have sex with an assassin. She sighed again. "I'm used to that. Alistair if you only want to talk about Zevran you might as well leave. I do not wish to talk about him." She said, massaging her nose bridge with her fingers.

"No, I wanted to ask you something else."

Now he was in an uncomfortable position. Diana noticed that he looked more nervous then he did when he came in the room.

"Well, out with it!"

"I...look, I really don't know how to do this," he said, and she saw a red color emerging on his cheeks.

"Do what?" she turned her back towards him, looking into the fire. She felt her face heating up.

He sat down on her bed. "How do i say this?" He sighed.

Diana didn't want to look at him.

"Every time I'm around you, it feels like my head is about to explode, and I can't think straight. I know what I feel; I care for you a great deal." He waited for an response, but she didn't reply. "I..I want to spend the night with you. Maybe it is too soon, I don't know, but I know what I feel."

Diana felt her heart pumping. She still felt guilty over sleeping with Zevran, just because of a stupid kiss she and Alistair shared, and of the rose. If he knew, he would never ask her this.

"Alistair...you're a kind man. I don't want to hurt you."

She cared for Alistair, but she knew he felt more then that. Diana had been flirting with him so she was not innocent in this. She did it because she felt alone, but then she met the others and Zevran. She had stopped trying to get the templar's attention when she had more friends. Which should say enough about her feelings towards this man. Apparently he had not noticed it.

"I wanted to wait for the perfect time, but when will it ever be perfect?"

He closed in on her.

She had no right to play him like this. Diana knew that this was wrong – she didn't love Alistair. Did she love Zevran? He always got on her nerves and was constantly driving her insane. But still, she was always drawn to the elf - his wicked smile, his handsome face. All these months, he had opened up little by little to her. There was more to the man than just being an assassin. She was fascinated by him, she cared for him, and she might even love him. Yet he broke her heart when he talked to her at camp. If he could break her heart, she must have loved him, no?

Her thoughts got interrupted by Alistair's soft kisses on her back. He turned her body towards him. His face was only a few inches from her face, stroking her hair with his hand, placing his lips upon hers.

Diana saw Zevran's evil grin in her head, and in a flash of anger, she led Alistair to bed. Alistair had a different scent then Zevran. She couldn't put a finger on it, aside from the obvious sweating. She just imagined he smelled like leather, when taking his armor off.

_I take my fancies where I can find them._


	6. The Final Test

Since the morning they left, Alistair had been following Diana around like a little dog wanting its treat. It annoyed Zevran greatly, since he never got an opportunity to talk to her. Something had changed between her and Alistair. He was no fool. A sting of jealousy crept upon him. _That_ was different. Diana had refused to come near Zevran after their dispute.

They had just arrived in Denerim; Loghain had even personally greeted them at arl Eamon's estate. Diana had a hungry look on her face for the man that walked behind him. She clutched her daggers tightly, so tight that her knuckles went white. The man recognized her as well.

Diana said, "Howe, it's so very nice meeting you." Her voice was calm and icy cold. "I have wished since your visit in Highever, that I would get the chance to see you again. To settle some business."

He merely chuckled and left with Loghain after their short meeting.

When Diana was walking up to her room in Eamon's estate, Zevran followed her. This was the first time the templar had not been trailing after her. He sneaked in her room and closed the door. She jumped at the sight of him.

"Zevran! Maker, don't scare me like that!"

He chuckled at her expression and asked: "So that was Howe?"

"Yes that's the disgusting snake that destroyed..." her voice cracked.

"Do not worry, pet. His time will come, and when it does, you'll be the last thing he sees."

"I'll make sure that happens!" Her hands were trembling.

"Was that all Zev?" She shot a glance at him.

"No."

She looked at him.

He did not know why he wanted to know. "I noticed that your relations with the templar have been...blossoming, shall we say?"

Diana crossed her arms. "Did you not tell me to take my fancies where I could find them?"

"Yes, but you also know that Alistair cares for you more than to only be your bed partner."

"Why do you care what I do with my personal life?" Her voice was shaking.

The question was out before Zevran could stop his mouth: "Do you love him?" His tone was flat.

"I...I care for him."

"That's not an answer, pet." His heart started to pound a bit faster, waiting for her answer. Isn't that funny? A girl could make him more nervous then facing the Blight or the Crows.

They stared at each other. Finally she said, "No. I don't love him. I was angry at you, which I still am, and he was...there. Maker, I'm pathetic!" She sat down on the bed, with her face buried in her hands. Zevran closed in on her, pulling her fingers away and taking her face in his warm hands.

"You are many things my dear. Pathetic is not one of them."

After a few minutes of silence, she spoke. "Why do you care? You didn't answer."

"And I will not."

"I'm still angry at you." She pouted at him.

"Well, I will have to make up for that, won't I?" He chuckled, stroking

her cheek.

"I'm not your toy, Zevran. I'm not going to be thrown aside while you're

doing your business with other women." her voice hissed.

He raised his eyebrows. "I haven't been the one throwing myself in the arms

of another one night after we had a little argument."

She glared at him and said. "For all that it's worth. I'm sorry. Not that you care!" She groaned. "How will I ever be able to tell Alistair that I slept with him out of self pity and anger?"

"Well that, my dear, I do not know." He sat down next to the fragile Warden. He felt relieved - she didn't love Alistair. But why should he care?

Without thinking, he stroked her hair. She pulled his hand away and said, "I don't trust myself with you. I will not have you or anybody else intimately close until I can think straight. Now please get out!"

He obliged.

--

"Meet me at the arl's estate. I will be waiting there with the uniforms; do not bring a large group with you." The servant said. Diana, the arl and Anora's servant were talking in Eamon's study about how to rescue the queen.

She nodded, and the elven servant left. Diana was content, she was going to meet Howe sooner then she thought. Sweet vengeance. She walked out in kitchen were her fellowship was, and called Sten, Wynne and Zevran.

Alistair whined. "Why can't I come?"

"Because I am not about to put you through unnecessary danger."

"But you can put yourself through it?" He said, wrinkling his nose.

"Rescuing the queen is no small task, and Howe will be there. I think I have my reasons to go. Alistair, stop questioning the plan. Just stay here and don't get in any trouble. I think Arl Eamon will appreciate that you remain here so you can discuss your future king plans!"

He was about to argue but the look on Diana's face shut him up.

--

In the back alley on the way to the estate, Zevran felt like there was someone watching them, and he kept a constant watchful eye around them. He told Diana, but she ignored him. He couldn't let this feeling go. He stared at the empty carriages and trees. There was far too many in one place with no one around them.

"Oh, so here is the mighty Warden at long last." He recognized that voice. It was Taliesen's. "The Crows sends their regards once more."

Zevran saw assassins coming out from behind the trees and the carriages, and he and Diana pulled out their daggers. He looked at Taliesen and yelled. "Here I am Taliesen. Tell me, were you sent? Or did you volunteer for the job?"

"He makes an appearance! I volunteered of course. When I heard that the great Zevran had gone rogue I simply had to see it for myself."

"Well here I am in the flesh."

"You can return with me Zevran. I know why you did this and I don't blame you. Come back and we can make up a story."

Zevran looked at the Warden. It would certainly be easier if he did kill her – he would finish his contract and go back to Antiva and forget about all this. He could become what he once was - the feared assassin with many women and would never think of such a thing as..._love._

"Of course, I would need to be dead first." He heard her soft voice and realised that she was looking at him.

"And I'm not about to let that happen!" he said, unable to stop himself.

"What? You've gone soft!" He heard Taliesen say.

This was his final test, to prove his loyalty to her. He wanted to stay by her side. Crows be damned. He looked at the man and said. "I'm sorry, my old friend. But the answer is no, I'm not coming back. And you should have stayed in Antiva."

--

Covered in blood, Diana walked over to Zevran, who was sitting next to the body of his former friend. She put her hand on his shoulder.

He looked at her. "And there it is. Taliesen is dead, and I'm free of the Crows. They will assume that I died with him. As long as I don't make my presence known to them."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I am free, with options where I used to have none. I could leave, far away where the Crows could never find me."

Her heart started to beat a little harder, she didn't want him to leave, but wouldn't stop him if that was going to be his choice.

He must have seen her look, since he chuckled took her hands into his. "I think however I will stay. Stopping the Blight seems like worthwhile task to see to the end, no?"

She felt relieved and before stopping her loud mouth. "You'd better not leave, I would be sorely put out!"

He smiled his seductive smile at her. "Well, we can't have that, can we? Let us return to the task at hand, no?"

Diana felt glad. "Zev."

"...?"

"I'm happy you are staying with me."

"So am I, my dear Warden."


	7. Kidnapped

They had been fighting all the way through Howe's estate. Diana had discarded her uniform when being in the kitchen. She saw Howe's banner and felt the old fashioned rage rising from within. All these soldiers reminded her of that night in Highever, she couldn't sneak past them, acting normal, she craved justice. Even if these soldier's couldn't bring her parents back, it would make her feel better.

She had rescued a fellow Senior Warden, Riordan was his name, that was captured in the lower cells of the estate, he left to Eamon's estate, saying he will see her there.

They ran down to the basement, where they saw more cells, skeletons, dirt and then she saw him.

Her hair, armor and face was covered in Howe's men's blood when she stood face to face with the man that killed her family, her parents best friend.  
With a cold voice, she asked him, trying to remain calm.

"Why did you betray us, Howe? I thought you were friends with my father!"

He laughed, and answered with a soft tone.

"Your father was weak and pathetic. I was offered an opportunity of more power. I was no fool to deny it."

Diana was trembling through her entire core.

"You will pay for what you have done!" She yelled.

"You want to know what I did when I found your parents?" he chuckled, leaning towards the nearby pillar.

"My men raped your mother and killed her in front of your father's dying eyes, the last thing he heard was her screams." he said with cruelness in his voice.

"You BASTARD!" She screamed and rushed at him. He easily avoided her, she got caught off guard, Howe's dagger being inches from her back, she saw Zevran deflect his blow with his fast reflexes. He'd threw his dagger at Howe's arm, which caused to him drop his weapon. Howe screamed in pain. The two rogues were standing back to back, fighting the men rushing towards them. For the first time she truly trusted Zevran at her back, she knew he wouldn't let any blows come through to her and she tried her best to do the same. She saw her qunari friend cut two mages into pieces that were trying to interrupt Wynne's spells. When all the guards were dead. She stood in front of Howe, he was bleeding in his right arm.

"I have poisons with me. If you would like to make his death an unpleasant experience." The assassins voice was dark.

"What kind?" She asked not taking her eyes of the man lying in front of her.

"Let me search with my spy eye," Zevran took out a small bag, that was inside his armor.  
"I think you will like this one, my dear." He said while holding a little orange bottle in front of her.

"Its called "The draught of Death" It will go slowly through his veins, burning like a fire as it goes. It will not kill him until it reaches his heart, but before it does, the heart will continue pumping it out throughout the entire body. I would give him around two minutes. Two drops should be sufficient!" He grinned while handing it to her.

"It will have to do. Thank you Zevran." She said, smiling at the elf.  
"My pleasure." The assasin bowed.  
She sat down next to Howe, put the flask in his mouth, he almost choke by her roughness. She gave more then two drops, that's for certain. When Howe started to twitch and screaming in agony,

he said:

"You little whore. I deserved more!" he groaned

"I hope you will enjoy the last minute of your life," she said, stiff as a rock.

When he was dead. She dropped both her daggers, she almost couldn't stand. Vengeance, she had it. It didn't feel as good or justified as she had hoped. Wynne came to her side.

"It is over child. Let us get out of this terrible place. You did what you had to," putting her arm on Diana's shoulder.

Diana smiled at her.

"Do you think they would have been proud? I could have just killed him."  
"Do not be hard on yourself. He got what he had coming, your parents would have been proud to see you surviving and sought vengeance upon the man that ripped their family apart!" Wynne's voice was firm.

She and Sten walked up the stairs to see if their path was clear.

Diana looked at Zevran. He hadn't said anything. He went to her and kissed her on her forehead and joined the others.

She looked down at Howe's dead body, and noticed a key chain. She ripped it from him.

"Hey, over here!" She heard a voice yelling.

It was in the back of the room. It was filled with more cells. Only one was occupied.

"Hey you girl. I am the arl of Denerim. I demand that you release me!" Diana recognized this man. It was Vaughan. Arl Urien's son. She had met him on a few occasions when being in Denerim. He always seemed creepy. She had heard disgusting stories about him, what he did to his servants, specially elven and female ones. She felt no compassion when she got closer to his prison door.

"Why would I release you?"  
"Hey, I know you. You're Cousland's youngest!"  
"It does not matter who I am."  
"Very well. Just let me out. I'll do anything,"  
Diana raised her eyebrows. She did need gold for repairs and potions

"Coin?"  
"Yes, I have a key right here to my lockbox in my study. It contains forty sovereigns. Will that suffice? I will give you the key when you release me!"

"You give me the key first or I will leave you here." she said with a grin on her face.

"Fine, fine" He took out a small golden key and gave it to Diana.

"Very nice. You can stay in your cell. No one has missed you," she was walking away from him and threw the key chain on the cell floor.

"Hey you fat bitch. Come back here and free me!"

Diana ignored him and walked up the stairs.

She and her little party went in the arl's room getting the gold. She handed the pouch to Zevran whom put it safely in his armor.

They were outside the queen's room. They could finally open it. Diana saw the queen. She was dressed in a guards disguise.

"Aren't you a little short for being a soldier?" She asked her.

Anora scowled

"It is a disguise, you have my thanks, now let us get out of here!"

Diana nodded in response.

They hurried out, when they reached the front gates of the estate. Diana's heart sank. Ser Cauthrien stood there with at least twenty heavily armored knights.

She had her sword out, and yelled. "Surrender Warden!"  
"I'm here for the queen!" Diana's voice yelled back.

"The queen?"  
"Yes, tell her Anora." She said moving aside to let Anora through.  
"Ser Cauthrien, how lovely to see you, this brigand tried to kidnap me!" The queen almost sounded like she was on the verge of crying.  
Diana sighed, somehow she was not surprised by this.

"You double-crossing bitch!" She sneered

"Unbelievable, guards! Take the Warden to Fort Drakon."  
She gestured to her friends to stand down.  
"They are to many." She whispered.  
"I'll be fine" She was looking at Zevran, giving him a faint smile.

--

"I have no quarrel with the rest of you. Go away and you will be shown mercy!" Ser Cauthrien continued.  
Diana looked at him, Zevran did not want to leave her side.  
"Please Zevran, we can't kill them all." she whispered

The close by guars grabbed Diana and took her away. He didn't see Anora and he couldn't care less.

They ran back to the estate.

When they arrived in the estate, entering the arl's study, he already saw the queen talking to Eamon. How she got there faster then them, he could not say.

"Eamon, I might have done a terrible thing."  
"What's this? She threw her savior to the wolves, and now she starts second-guess her decision!" Zevrans voice was calm, filled with anger, that was gonna explode any time.

"What in Andraste's name has happened?" Eamon asked, Alistair next to him.

"The Warden has been kidnapped." Anora said

"And this may have been your fault, maybe perhaps?" Alistair hissed

"Never mind that now. The question is how to rescue her. Getting in Fort Drakon will not be an easy task!"  
"I will go. I owe her that." Zevran said. Wynne stood next to him, "I will go aswell. She might have been...hurt. She will need my healing."

"I will come with you!" The templar said.

"No, Alistair I know you care for this woman. But you can't rush yourself into this" Eamon said coldly.  
Alistar frowned."Of course I'm going!"  
"No, you are not." Leliana's voice interrupted.

"The arl is right. We need you alive, my future king. I will go, she's a dear friend and I will not lose her."

Alistair was about to argue but the assassin interrupted.  
"Three is enough." Zevran said firmly.  
"Agreed!"

And the three companions set off to Fort Drakon.

--

Diana woke up. Her entire body being in pain. She has never felt this psychical weak before. They had knocked her out before putting here in this cell wherever here is. She tried to move, but couldn't. The cell was covered in dried blood, and she saw dead bodies across the room. It smelled like decaying flesh. She almost had the urge to vomit. She noticed that her wrists were cuffed from the chains that were hanging from the ceiling. She had been stripped of her armor, the only thing she had on her was her small clothes. She'd never felt this exposed.

"Oh, the bitch finally woke up it seems!" She heard someone say.

"Yes, Vaughan wanted us to inform him the moment she would come to."  
She noticed the guards standing outside her cell. They were smirking at her.

One of them went away, not for long. Soon Diana saw, _oh no, not Vaughan_.

Ser Cauthrien's men must have found him.

He had an escort of four guards following him. He gave the guard a nod and he opened her cell door. Diana felt helpless and wished that all of this was a bad dream.

Vaughan stood in front of her, looking at her body. She didn't like it one bit.  
"So here is the little Warden." He lips folded an evil smile and with an closed fist he hit her in the face. Diana had felt pain before, but then it was darkspawn or beasts. She was trembling in her entire core, here she could not defend herself.

He took her face in his hand and forced her to look at him. His free hand grabbed her breast. Diana wanted to scream. She noticed her feet were still free and kicked Vaughan in the groin. He let go, and his eyes were furious.  
"Cuff her feet!" He yelled.

The four guards came close, two on each side, she could do nothing. They took down chains from the ceiling and cuffed her feet. Her body was now hanging in the air. Vaughan smirked

"Oh, I will enjoy taming you!" He came close to her, took out a small dagger and cut her panties off.  
He hit her face again.

"You little bitch, did you know who you were stealing from?!"

He placed the dagger in the middle of her chest and cut off her bra, while cutting her skin. He slapped her.

Diana thought of Zevran. His blonde hair, his tanned skin, his smile. Him holding her, she wished he would rush in.

She felt tears running down her face.

Vaughan laughed.

"And now the little whore cries. Guard give me the torture whip!"

The guard handed him a black, thin whip, it had small blades covering from the handle to the top.

He punched her in the stomach.

"You are pathetic," she said coughing.

Looking at him.

"You can't get women any other way. You have to use force to be able to be with one!" Vaughan hit her with his fist again. She chuckled, tasting her own blood, her entire body was aching in pain.

He slashed the whip on her thighs. Diana screamed, and felt her blood dripping.

"Pathetic am I?"

He took of his clothes and got closer to her. She saw the guards behind him were taking their armor off. She tried to shut off her mind.

_Think about happy things, Diana!_

Flashbacks were flickering in her mind, her parents smiles, Fergus teasing her, Highever, Zevran. She concentrated the best she could, not wanting to feel, hear or see what her future held.

"I'll show you pathetic!" Vaughan said his face inches from hers.

He placed his hands on her bloody thighs and the nightmare began.


	8. Helpless

Zevran succeeded persuade the guard that he was in Fort Drakon for a delivery.

They stood in the reception room, waiting for the captain to accept them to enter.

This was done easily by Zevran's wicked tongue and Wynne's fast thinking.  
"Wynne, where do you think she is held?" he said when they were walking through the large hallway into the main hall.

"I have no idea." 

Fort Drakon was big. Big grand windows on both sides, letting sunshine in. He saw a young female sergeant guarding a big door in the far corner of the room. It must be that way. He didn't know why, but his instincts felt right. He must lure her away without having an entire army chopping them to pieces.

"Zevran this is hardly the time to achieve your own fiendish goals" Wynne scowled

"Tsk, tsk. My dear, I'm hurt. No, that's not why I was watching her. Watch this." Both Leliana and Wynne rolled their eyes. He sniggered at them. He approached the sergeant.

"State your business!"

"This is a crime!"  
"What is?"

"That you, a fair and beautiful woman, in her best age is left to guard a door!"

The guard raised her eyebrows.  
"In Antiva you've would have been worshipped by men wherever you went, and been treated like a queen! But i suspect that your care for this door will reward you some day."  
"Really? A queen?"  
"Yes, yes. They would dress you up in the finest dresses and jewels, and you would have many servants at your disposal, fulfilling your every wish!"  
She looked excited.  
"I think I'm going...home now. Thank your for your enlightenment. Someone else can guard the stupid door!"

Zevran chuckled. Wynne and Leliana had both their arms crossed.

"What? I told you I have a talent!"  
"I can't believe she fell for it!" Wynne frowned

"Let's get our Warden out of here." Zevran smirked.

When they came in, the path only leaded to two doors.

Zevran stood in front of the big wooden door. He could have sworn he heard screaming from within. He lockpicked the door and opened it.

He did not believe what met his eyes. Six men were standing there, five guards that were putting their armor on. He saw a man that looked like a noble, judging by the clothes he had in his arms. Zevran saw a destroyed body lying on the ground, naked and bloody in the cell behind the men.

He could not tell if it was Diana. He felt something growing within him, pure wrath. Leliana had an arrow fixed upon the noble

"Come any closer and I will fire!"  
Zevran looked at the body, he wanted to know if it was her.

Then men stood still.

"Don't Leliana. Kill them all where they stand!" he hissed "except the naked noble if you please."

Leliana didn't question, she shot all of the guards down.

The man had not noticed their presence until the guards were dead.

"Leliana, can you keep this man from running away?" Zevran said through gritted teeth.

"Of course." She nooded

She looked down on the dead guards.  
"To quick a death if you ask me!" Leliana scowled.

Zevran rushed towards the prison. He saw her now, it was Diana, she'd been beaten badly, and was bleeding from several places and had no clothes on her. He could not get the door open.

_Diana, don't be dead, I beg you._

"WHERE'S THE KEY?!" He screamed, Wynne searched through the guards bodies and handed a bloody key to Zevran. He unlocked and rushed in. He took her in his arms, pulling her hair away from her bloody, bruised face. The men have tainted her with their disgusting odor, he couldn't smell her fragrance. She opened her eyes.

"Zev?" she was weak. He saw her hand lifting up trying to touch his face. He took her hand, and embraced it. "I'm here. I'm sorry, I didn't come sooner..." His voice cracked. She looked at him, "Zev...I can't feel my legs, I'm so cold...."

He looked down on her legs, besides all the blood, he saw two large wounds on both thighs.

He never seen a person this badly hurt, and he had seen a lot of torture in his time, most of them done by himself.

"Zevran let her go." Wynne tried to explain "Lay her on the ground and I will try to heal her wounds."

"try to?" He whispered.

"I will do my best" She put an hand on his shoulder.

Zevran nodded and let go of the Warden.

"I need to find something to put on her."  
"Leave that to me!" Leliana said

She pulled a blanket under her armor.

"You never know when you need one," and handed it to Zevran.

Wynne placed both her hands a few inches from Diana's body, a blue magical beam erupted from her hands, covering her body.

Zevran faced the man who had Leliana's dagger fixed upon his throat.

"So you thought you could have fun with our friend here, hmm? Destroy her entire body while doing so, not to speak of her mind. I _hate_ men that take advantage of women. It is the most pathetic thing a man can do!" Zevran said with an icy tone, sitting close to the man.  
"Ple...please, don't hurt me. I'll do anything!"  
He saw Leliana's dagger pressed more agains't the man's throat, so blood was dripping.

"Why should we show mercy to someone that handle women like vermin!" her voice was angry.

"She...I...I am Vaughan, the arl of Denerim! I will reward you greatly if you let me go."

"The arl is dead. No one else has been announced," Zevran hissed.

"Please." The man's voice stuttered and he was shaking.

Zevran closed in on Vaughan.

"You hurt someone I care for deeply. The only thing I want is that the same thing is sought upon you."

Vaughan's scared eyes just grew bigger.

Zevran pulled out his dagger, spread the man's legs, Vaughan started to scream. Zevran cut of his manly parts. Blood covering his face.

"Now my friend, you will never hurt any women again." He grinned

"Open your mouth!" He commanded.

Vaughan trembled but did as he was told.

Zevran pressed his organ in his mouth and slit his throat.

"She's badly hurt! We need to get her to the estate as soon as possible. I can't focus my magic" He heard Wynne say, and he ran to Diana.

When the blue magic faded, Zevran covered her body in the blanket, pulling her close to him. "Zev..."  
"Shh, my dear, do not tire yourself out. You are in safe hands now." softly putting a finger on her lips.

Whispering in her ear "I will never let you go again!" She tried to smile but fell unconscious.

He took her in his arms. On the way they saw her armor and swords. Leliana took care of them.

Back at the estate, He saw Alistair hurrying towards them. When he saw Diana and Zevran both covered in blood, he went pale. "What happened?" Zevran ignored his question and went to her room, placing her in the bed and tucked her under the covers. He left the blanket around her. Wynne had come in after him, "call for Morrigan." she said. "She's no healer but I will need all the help I can get!" Zevran nodded, he didn't want to leave her. "She's in good care now, Zevran." Wynne took his hand. "I need to be alone with Morrigan!" He stood up, and went out, looking for the witch. Two minutes later Morrigan and Wynne tried to heal Diana behind closed doors. Zevran stood outside the door. Alistair tried to get an answer from him, but he refused to talk.

He was angry, at who? At himself, why did he let her go? They should have stayed and fought. Or if he had been quicker rescuing her, nothing would have happened!

He was furious with those men, taking advantage of a woman at her weakest moment. He pressed his knuckles so tight, blood started to run down his hands. No doubt the noble fooled those guards when Howe died. In all the confusion, the idea did not sound insane.

He couldn't think of it anymore. He just wanted her to be safe. What if Wynne wasn't able to heal her? His stomach twisted at the very thought.

_No that will not happen!_  
He hit the wall next to him in fury, causing more wounds. He never felt this helpless in his entire life.

Alistair looked at him.

"What happened Zevran?"

"I do not wish to talk about it!" He snapped back.

"Is kadan badly hurt?" The giant qunari asked

Zevran nodded.

Sten bowed in response.

Arl Eamon and the queen hurried over to Zevran.  
"We had word that you were back!" Eamon said

"How is she?" Anora asked

"How is she?" Zevran hissed at her, and closed in on Anora. His hands were trembling, the anger he had boiling inside was because of the woman in front of him. "You threw her in the lion's gap, and she almost died. How do you think she's doing? Because you were a coward, our fair Grey Warden has been badly damaged" He punched Anora in the face, "Do not_ ever_ talk to her again. If you attempt anything, or try to get her help again I will _kill _you!" his cold voice continued.

He went outside for fresh air.

He sat down on the bench in the garden, Diana's mabari had been following him and was sitting in front of him. He whined.

Zev chuckled.

"Do not worry my dear friend, she will recover."

He barked happily

"she has to..." He said softly and petted Troy.


	9. Petals and thorns

Alistair hated not knowing. Zevran didn't give any clear answers. He'd never seen the assassin angry. He stopped hating the elf the moment he saw him walk in the gardens, holding her. Even if Zevran will not admit it, Alistair knew. He loved her. Otherwise his attitude wouldn't been so...obvious.

Diana had looked so fragile, covered in blood. He should have been there, to protect her.

Alistair was in Eamon's study, sitting next to the bard on the couch, where she put healing poultice salve on Anora's face, Zevran's punch had left a black eye.

"don't twitch!" Leliana's impatient voice said.

"It hurts." The queen whined

"No less then what you deserve!" Leliana whispered so low only Alistair heard what she said.

Riordan had just arrived in the estate and he asked Alistair

"How is our sister doing?"

"Not good. Wynne and Morrigan have been in her bedroom for several hours and no one is allowed to enter." Alistair sighed.  
"I hope she gets well soon. We can't afford losing any more of our order." He said before going to his room.

"Leliana, since Zevran refuse to talk with me and Wynne is not...available. Can you tell me what happened?"  
Leliana had just finished patching the queen's eye.

She looked at Alistair.

"I don't know how to explain it. It was horrible!" She said turning her face away.

The queen started to feel uncomfortable in their presence but remained to hear the story.

Leliana started to tell the tale, how they entered the fort, and how they found her, lying there.

"...and Zevran took her in his arms and refused to let her go until we came here" She smiled a little. I always thought Zevran was only a cold bloody assassin. I was wrong. You should have seen him. Poor Diana, I wonder if she'll ever recover from this. Those men...I had a traitors punishment in Orlais, it was nothing compared to what I saw."

Alistiar was at a outburst of taking his sword and go slaughtering anyone close to him. He never felt this angry before.

"Are they alive? The men?"  
"No, we shot them down. Pity though, I would have liked to have a nice chat with them before sending them to their deaths." Leliana said darkly.

Anora had been quite during the entire time.

"I'm sorry for your friend. I did what I thought was best."

Both Alistair and Leliana stared at her.

"you did what you thought was best for yourself" Alistair spitted on the ground.

"I....I..." Anora tried to say.

Before Alistair could make a comment, they heard the door to Diana's room open. Without hesitation Alistair ran with Leliana behind him. Wynne had closed the door behind her.

She looked exhausted.

"Morrigan is trying to stabilize her. I need to get my strength back before continuing. I've healed the major wounds, except the ones on her legs." She said weakly when she saw the two companions.

"Is she awake?"  
Wynne shook her head.

"I want a bath prepared in her room. We need to wash her. Leliana can you..."  
"Certainly" Leliana said before hurrying off to find a servant.

"Is she ok?" Alistair looked at Wynne.

"Alistair, my dear boy. I think she will be fine. I will not give up on her!" She said smiling.

"Her wounds were...beyond normal torture. Sadistic bastard," she continued and tighten the grip of her hands.

"I heard that you were here, mage!" They heard Sten's voice behind them. He was holding a big basket filled with cookies.

"Sten..?" Alistair said while looking at it.

"Kadan told me she loved cookies, and they always made her happier. I only wish her well."  
Wynne grinned at Sten.  
"I bet she will be happy to have it Sten, when she wakes up."

"I will wait then," he bowed, put the basket in his room and left.

--

Zevran was still sitting in the gardens, caressing his bloody hand. He saw suddenly Sten walking towards him.  
"Hi there my big qunari friend."

"Elf, I want to test your skills in battle!"  
"Sten, this is not the best of times..."  
"Kadan is hurt, we are stuck here. There won't be a better time"

Zevran stood up.

"Fine...I must warn.." Sten punched him in the face.

"Oh, you qunari fight dirty I see?" He smiled wickedly and pulled out his daggers.

"The battle had begun, it was fair and just!"

He had his Asala drawn, faced towards Zevran.

They walked slowly in circles.

Sten bursted at him, who jumped out of his way, kicking him on the side of his body. Sten groaned and swinged his blade towards Zevran's head. He ducked and kept circulating around Sten.

Sten was growing impatient.

"Elf, why are you not fighting?!"

"I am, my good qunari."  
Sten tried to swing his sword again. Zevran blocked it with both his blades. Sten used his free arm to punch Zevran in the stomach.

He was taken by surprise and staggered a little and backed from Sten.

He rushed towards him again, Zevran ducked his blow and used the time to swipe his feet of the ground. He had both his daggers on Sten's back.

"You use the coward's way of fighting!"

Zevran grinned.

"Atleast I am the one who would still be breathing if this would be a real fight." He laughed at the qunari, as he now looked furious.

They both stood up and when they were gonna continue their duel they got interrupted by Leliana.

"Ah, if it isn't my favorite bard" Zevran said not paying attention to Sten who used the opportunity to punch Zevran hard in the stomach so he fell down. Sten faced his blade on Zevran's chest.

"You win, Sten," Zevran said. He did not wish to continue the duel.

Sten nodded and helped him up.

"So Leli. Any news about our Warden?"

"No, Wynne had to rest, she regained her strength in a matter of minutes. I called for a bath in her room. Which should be done soon,"  
"She lies in her bed in dried blood. Wynne wants her clean." She continued.

"Is she awake?"  
"No." Leliana switched from her grim face to a happy smile

"Aw, Zevran. You love her don't you?"  
Zevran was completely taken by surprise.

"I can see it in your face. This is so romantic. The feared assassin falls in love with he woman he should have killed!"  
Zevran remained silent, he didn't even have a cocky response.

Leliana continued her babbling, finally Zevran interrupted her.

"My dear Leliana, there is more at stake then your talk about me and the Warden, no?"

Zevran walked in the castle, knocked on Diana's room, not waiting for a response he walked inside.

The bathtub in the corner of the room was almost filled with water. Wynne and Morrigan was sitting on the side of the bed. He saw blue beams pulsating, coming from Wynne's hands over her. Morrigan was only holding the old woman's wrist, it looked like she "borrowed" her power to the healing mage.

They were both irritated at Zevran when he walked in.

"I'm not leaving!" He said firmly

They were both to focused to argue with him. He saw her face. Most of the bruises were gone. He sat down on the bed next to her.

"Do not get to close, elf" Morrigan snapped at him.

"Oh, so fiery" Zevran grinned.

When the bath was complete. Zevran helped carrying Diana. He put her gently in the bath. Wynne poured healing poultices in the bath, while Morrigan searched her bag for healing herbs. The water almost turned red immediately, and the stench was horrible. A combination of blood and rotten eggs. They helped holding her up, washing her face and body from her dried blood. Zevran noticed only now all the wounds she had, Andraste's grace, it was many.

They had to call for another bath, Zevran added an oil from Orlais this time, one he stole from Leliana at some point, to live up the odor. Now it at least smelled rotten eggs with a mixture of honey. It didn't make it better. He sighed.  
After some hours bathing her, they took her out. Wynne changed the sheets and linen in the bed. She had a nightgown out for Diana. Zevran put it on her, took her in his arms and put her gently back in bed.

He took her hand, kissing it.  
"She's going to be fine." Wynne said

"When is she going wake up?"  
"Give it time, hopefully she will tomorrow."  
Zevran nodded, kissed Diana's hand and just when he was about to leave, he felt a firm grip on his hand. He looked at Diana, she had not awaken, but she had tighten her grip around the assassin's hand.  
Wynne looked at Zevran.

"Seems like she doesn't want you to leave," she smiled at him.

"Well she is now fine, and our task here is done." Morrigan said standing up.  
"Thank you Morrigan for your help."  
The apostate mage frowned  
"I only did this because if our leader died, the dim-witted fool Alistair would lead us and that would, well, yes, result in painful death," and she went outside.

"Hm, such cold feeling are always refreshing." Zevran said, Wynne chuckled

"She just don't want to admit that she, like the rest of us cares about her. She had that act up since Diana killed her mother."

"It's true!"  
He used his free hand to caress Diana's face.

"You're quite taken with her, aren't you Zevran?" Wynne suddenly sounded serious.

"What makes you think that, my dear Wynne?" He said innocently

"Oh, I may be old but I am not stupid, I've seen how you look at her, your eyes can't lie."  
Zevran remained silent.

"I have watched you two for a while. I've seen Diana up and downs with you. How you intentionally drives her insane to not admit your feelings. I daresay that she is in love with you. I know when a man can drive a woman nuts, if she does not push him away...it has to mean something."

Zevran sighed at Wynne's attempt to get him to talk.

"Yes, I do admit this. I care for her, deeply, more then I should. I think I might cry about my feelings. Can I talk about them while lying in your bosom?" Zevran faked a crying voice, he did not wish the conversation to continue. Mentioning Wynne's bosom always shut her up.

"Don't be such a child!" She frowned.

"Well I think I can leave you alone...Are you going to stay over the night in her room?"  
"I will not leave her side unprotected." He said.

"Good, I need my rest, and she's healing fine. I will come here first thing tomorrow," and she was off and closed the door behind her.

Diana's grip had not loosened.

Zevran smiled at this, laid himself on top of the covers in a comfortable position, pulled her closer to him, her normal scent had begun to take over the horrible stench, he loved her fragrance. He fell asleep with her in his arms.


	10. Out of my Mind

Diana woke up, she heard birds singing outside her window. She felt hot breathing on her neck and realized it was Zevran's.

She wondered how she ended up here. She looked around her, she was back in the estate, that's for sure. Last thing she remembered was...was Vaughan and the guards and Zevran touching her face. It was very blurry. She involuntarily started trembling. Zevran must have awoken by this.

"Good morning, my fair Warden." He said giving a faint smile.

She turned facing him. He still looked sleepy.

"I was afraid you were gonna sleep all your beauty away!"

She chuckled and touched his tattoo markings on his face.

"You saved me." She whispered, looking in his eyes.

"Well, we couldn't leave our fearless leader to rot in a cell, can we? Besides, Wynne and Morrigan saved you, not me."  
He sat up on the edge of the bed.

"I should tell our delightful Wynne that you are up," he said, going to the door.  
"Don't leave..." She said weakly trying to stand.

Zevran rushed to her side, putting her back in bed. He grinned at her face.

"Tsk, tsk my Warden. This is why Wynne needs to be informed of your situation. You think you can be up and running about after you've been unconscious for so long? You will rip up the wounds she hasn't healed yet, the only ones remaining is the injuries on your thighs, but that's enough for you to remain in bed. You have such beautiful thighs, my dear. I would be heartbroken if they get further damaged." He grinned his wicked smile at her.

She grabbed his hands, making him trip over her. Her body was hurting, but she didn't care. She had only seen Zevran in her mind when she was captured, she wanted to just feel and smell him, his scent of leather, to see if this was real. She kissed him. Zevran responded for a matter of seconds and pulled away.

"Now, now. Not that I mind being kissed by such a ravishing beauty such as yourself. But I do prefer my victim to remain alive while pleasuring them. You have to wait until you are fully healed, pet." He smiled at her and left.

Diana tried to sit up straight. It didn't take long until Wynne came with Sten and Leliana in her room.  
"Diana" Leliana hugged her so tight it hurt the Warden.  
"Leli..."She almost choked, she let go.

"Oh, by the Maker, I'm sorry!" She gasped

"Don't worry, I missed you to, Leli." She smiled at her.

"It is good to see you kadan." Sten bowed in front of her, he had a basket in his hand.

"And you, Sten." She kept looking at the basket.

"Yes. This is for you." Sten noticed her look and placed the basket next to her bed. It was filled with all kinds of cookies.  
"Aw, Sten, thank you" She said.

He nodded and left.

"It is good to se you awake, child. You had us all quite frightened." Wynne smiled, caressing her hair.

"And for once your hair is actually nice, usually it looks like a bird nest" She smirked.

"Oh very funny. Do you always torment your patients?"

"Only my favorites!"  
Diana laughed and said sarcastically:

"I feel so blessed."

"How long was I out?" Diana asked  
"For four days"

"four?!"

"Yes, do not worry. We all have taken good care of you." Leliana said.  
"Yes, I bet," Diana said, holding Leliana's hand.

Leliana giggled.

"Yes, Zevran refused to leave your side after we brought you back. Well, after he was allowed to enter."

"Zevran? He seemed to be eager to get _out_ of my sight when I woke up!" She frowned.

After a few minutes talking about what happened during her comatose state, which wasn't much, Wynne asked:

"How are you holding up? You do not need to put up a facade for us, child. We are your friends."

"Im fine...really. It is over and I do not wish to talk about it. Not yet."

Diana said turning away. She had tried her best to keep her memories shut. She didn't want to think about what the guards said or did while they were fucking her.

They heard a knock on the door, it was the queen, Riordan and the arl.

"Sister, I'm glad that you are awake!" Riordan said, bowing down.

_Sister_, he sounded almost like Fergus.

_Oh dear brother are you still alive?_ Diana got distracted for a second.

"Yes, you gave us all quite a scare." Eamon smiled.

The queen approached, unsure at what she wanted to say.

"Get out!" She said through gritted teeth, looking at the queen.

Anora has apparently not been used getting ordered around, she seemed shocked.

Diana felt anger boiling up, and raised her voice. "Are you deaf, Anora? You have nothing to say to me. Get out!"

Anora hurried outside.

"Wynne, how much longer do I need to remain here?" She said, sighing to the mage.

"Child, you just woken up, and you already want to get moving?"

"Well, the Blight isn't going to wait for me to get pass this."

"Always the dutiful one," Leliana said, shaking her head.

"that's what a leader does! It is my heavy burden" Diana laughed.

"You are not getting out of that bed, today, young lady. You still need to rest at least one more day." Wynne quirked her lips.

Diana pouted.

"Fine. Where's the rest?" She asked

"Anora had a lead that Loghain had been selling the elves in Alienage into slavery. Alistair, Oghren, Morrigan and your trusted dog left this morning to look into it. It can prove quite useful in the Landsmeet."

"Yes, Anora is not going to take the throne!" Diana said biting her lip.

"Alistair is going to be a great king, oh that reminds me, when is the Landsmeet?"

"Tomorrow."  
"Tomorrow?! We need to know whose side people might be on. I have a feeling we're going to be greatly outnumbered, if the slavery in the alienage is true, that gives us at least something for the nobles to ponder about."  
"Leliana you think that you can go today and look in the tavern for possible information?"  
"Of course, my friend." Hugging her again, and she was gone.

Wynne looked at Diana with her warm motherly eyes.

"You're very strong, you know that?"

Diana ducked, Wynne was not going to let this go, was she?

To her surprise, Wynne just kissed her on her forehead.

"I will go and see if I can find something to eat, ooh, maybe grab a bottle of wine, while I am at it!"  
She winked at Diana and closed the door.

She didn't want be alone. It let her mind wander of to places she did not want to go.  
Diana looked at the window, it was not placed that high up, she can probably get out.

She decided to give it a try. Wynne would turn Diana into a ant and put her in a jar if she found out what she's about to do.

She got out of the bed and immediately fell down. Her wounds on the legs had not healed, and they were shaking from the shock of her standing up. She cursed herself, and tried to get up once again.

_Hm, I can't really go out in this, _

she thought, looking at her dress.

She felt hot liquid running down her thighs.  
Shit, she ripped open the cuts.

A knock on the door caused her to trip over again, out of surprise.

Riordan entered the room. He had an amused look on his face.

"Going somewhere?" and she got up with Riordan's help.

When he had put her back in the bad, he took some bandages and a healing poltuice.

He grinned at her expression

"it is always good to be prepared."

He went out of the room, came back seconds later with a bucket full with water and a towel. He sat down next to Diana.

"May I?" He asked, his eyes rested on her bloody legs.

Diana nodded, and shivered at his touch. His hands were big and rough, like the men in the prison. His touch was however unlike theirs, gentle and smooth.

He pulled up her nightgown and dipped the towel in the bucket. He started to take away the blood with the towel, put some salve on the wounds.  
She twitched  
"Damn, that really burns!"

"Think before you act next time you decide to go out on a grand adventure while being delicate state, hm?" Riordan said, bandaging her thighs.

"I just didn't want to be alone." She looked down.

He had sympathetic eyes.

"I can understand that. Well I can remain here, until your friends return."  
"Tell me the stories about the good old days?" She sniggered.

"If that would be your wish," he said.

"There, it's done. How you will explain this to your healer, I do not know."

"It wouldn't be the first time I've acted against her advice" she gave a wicked grin.

"Why am I not surprised," he said, shaking his head.

Diana's belly wanted to participate in their conversation, it gave away a loud noise, sound much like a snore.

Diana's cheeks flamed red instantly and Riordan laughed.

"I will go and see if they have food in the kitchen, when I come back we can talk," he grinned, patted her on the knee before going.

--

Her face, her smile and laughs haunted him wherever he went. He saw her everywhere. In his dreams and thoughts. She had made his day a living hell since that night in camp.

He was infatuated with her since she had spared his life, but then it was only desire he craved or that's what he thought. Why was this woman so much different from all the others he had? He had her, why keep being persistently close to her for other reasons?

He was an assassin, for fuck's sake. A cold killer with no heart nor mercy. Love is illusion, this is what he had learned. Death is his art, making it happen was his privilege.

Rinna, he laughed at himself for thinking of her. She touched his black hole for a heart. When she died, he swore to himself never allowing any women getting close, except psychically of course. Here he is, doing the same thing over again and feeling even more confused with Diana then he had with Rinna.

He cursed himself for being a fool!

Wynne and Leliana had been smiling at him, and saying that he loves her. Did he love her? Zevran sighed.

He had see women being beaten and being treated like shit, but this was the first time it had affected him. He thought his chest was gonna burst when he saw her in Fort Drakon.

He blamed himself for not protecting her. He failed his oath he promised to her that day when she decided not to kill him. Thinking about it, what they did, only made it worse.

Zevran realized that love, real love isn't brains. It is blood screaming inside his body, betraying everything that was once him, the cocky, arrogant Zevran.

What will happen after the Blight, assuming that they don't all die, of course. He couldn't see a future with them together in it. Marriage, kids, living on a cosy farm, he never wanted that life, it would be far to boring. He shivered at the very thought. He wondered if she thought about it. He did have a feeling Diana was not gonna settle down when the Blight is over.

These are worries for the future, he says to himself.

He looked at his gloves. They were filthy, not as pretty as when she gave them to him. No one had ever given him a gift, she had listen to his tales, and remembered them. He smiled to himself.

He took out a small package he had been carrying around since his first target. He unwrapped it and took out the small jeweled golden earring.

_You might as well face it Zevran. You can whine and moan how much you want about this. You're love's bitch, _his mind concluded for him. For once he agreed.

*^*

Zevran was walking back to estate, he had been at the docks, in the market district he saw Leliana. He sniggers to himself and jumps her from behind.

She shouts, "Zev!" and hits him on the shoulder.

"You know, my dear Leliana. For being one of the best bards in Orlais, you lack an certain talent for hearing danger."  
He winked at her. She looked as she was about to kill him.

"What have you've been doing here?" He asked.

"Just been looking for information. I was surprised when I noticed that the Grey Wardens still have a lot of respect and support amongst the nobility. That our precious Diana was a Cousland and many knew her since her childhood helped as well I guess. I would give the Landsmeet a fifty fifty depending what news Alistair brings"

"He have been gone since this morning, yes?"

"Yes, he will probably be back tomorrow or during the night."

"Why are you here, Zevran?" She suddenly asks, giving him a innocent smile.

"I was out for a walk!"  
"Why? Should you not be with Diana, when she now finally is awake?"

"I needed some time for myself. To think, I can do that, no?" he frowned at the annoying bard.

"Of course, I just thought..."  
"you think to much, my dear." He sniggered.

They walked silently up to the estate. Zevran was thinking about how to do this. He was sure he wanted to give it to her, and he clutched his hand, grasping the earring. He hoped she would understand the symbol of the gift, so they didn't have to talk about it.

They both walked in Diana's room, and found her in in the company of the other warden.

"Zev..."Diana smiled widely, tried to go up, Riordan stopped her.  
"Did you not learn your lesson?" He chuckled

Zevran noticed two wine bottles, one was empty and the other was halfway through. She was drunk, thats for sure.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Diana. When you sobered." Leliana giggled.

"I should retire aswell. I will see you tomorrow, at the Landsmeet, sister." Riordan bowed and went out the room.

Zevran waited until they were out of the room.

"Zev, zev, zevizeeev" Diana hymmed.

Zevran closed in and took away the wine.

"Did Wynne approve of this?" He asked surprised

"She doesn't know. Hi..hi, I've been bad!" she said, crawling on the bed.  
"Why did you leave earlier. Don't you liiiiiiike me Zev?" She said closing up on him.

"Or is it that I have had sex now with alot of...of men since you? You can't take it?" He felt an backstabbing pain in his stomach, and was surprised that no blood was running through.

"you don't neeeed to feel less of a man...you..you were the best!"  
She sounded like she was o the verge of crying. Zevran could not say a thing, he had no idea what to do.

"Diana..." He tried to.

"sssshh, Zev" She said trying to place her finger on his lips.

When he tried to hold her.

She shrieked "Don't touch me!"

And tears were running down her face.

He did not give up, she started hitting his chest and more tears came. He hugged her, and she cried openly in his arms.

"I have to...I have to be strong." She said.

She started reciting what Zevran believed was the Grey Warden vow.

"In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice."

Zevran held her strong in his arms.

"Diana..."He tried to shut her up.

She looked at him with empty eyes.

"you don't have to be strong with me. Look at me!" 

Here goes nothing. he let his facade drop, and spoke from his heart, this will probably be the only time he can do such a thing.

He looked down at his hands, which he clenched and unclenched nervously. Surely his face was red. Talking about emotions had never been his fortune, since he never had a reason to. Here he is being more nervous telling his feelings to a girl then having to fight darkspawn. Still unsure how to explain this, he placed his forehead leaning against hers.

"In my time, I have done a lot of mistakes. Not that I could choose doing them differently, being owned by the Crows and such. I do know this," Zevran took a deep breath. She had stopped crying. "I know what you are, you're a magnificent creature, what you do, how you try after everything you've been through. You managed getting armies, in places, people haven't dared to go. I've seen your strength. You have shown kindness to those that were in need of it, one of them being me. You have done difficult decisions and stood by it to see them through. Not many could have. You were the first to treat me like a person. I've never said this to anyone my fair Warden, but I am now sure of one thing. I love you."

When he got no response, he looked at her and noticed she had already fallen asleep. Zevran sighed and tucked her in, he was lying next to her, looking at her face, smelling her skin, roses. He held her close to him. She got him to realize he is so much more then just an assassin, even if she hadn't heard him. It felt good, to say it, the words he thought he would never utter in his entire life, she had made him complete.  
"I am yours." He whispered in her ear.


	11. The King of a Broken World

"I underestimated you, Warden. I thought you were like Cailan, a child wanting to play at war. I was wrong. There's strength in you I haven't seen since Maric died. I yield."  
Diana had the general at the tip of her sword. She looked deep in the man's eyes. She felt compassion and recognition with him. He did, what he thought was best for Ferelden. Even how misguided it was, she could not bring herself to hate him. Who is she to judge him? She have done some dark choices during her journey. She lost a friend because one of them. She sided with Branka so she could have more powerful allies against the Blight, even when she knew at what cost and Shale fell victim for it.

She lowered her blade. "I accept."

"Wait I did not just hear you say that!" Alistair was angry, how can she blame him for it.

"The teyrn is a warrior and general of renown. Let him be of use, let him go through the joining," Riordan said.

"Loghain, a Warden? That would be a sight." She said with a sarcastic tone.

"There are three of us remaining in Ferelden, and there are compelling reasons to have as many Wardens as possibly in our fight against the arch demon."

"The joining itself is fatal, is it not? If he survives you gain a general. If he dies you will have your revenge. Doesn't that satisfy you?" This was the first time Anora had gained courage to talk to Diana straight in the face.

"Absolutely not! Riordan, this man abandoned our brothers, and then blamed us for the deed. He hunted us down like animals. He tortured you! How can you forget that?" Diana hadn't heard Alistair angry, except that night, when she had killed Connor. She was icy cold with him then, and she was gonna be that now"  
"It's for the best Alistair"

"You are going to let him live, after all he's done?"

"It's his chance to redeem himself," she said coldly

"Joining the Wardens is a honor. Not a punishment! Name him a Warden and you will cheapen us all. I will not stand next to him as a brother!"  
"Please, Alistair, don't do this to me." Diana whispered.  
"Loghain is a traitor! And if I have to be king to see that justice comes to him, so be it!" He said through gritted teeth.

"Duncan would have been disappointed if he saw you!"

"What?"  
"Alistair, Grey Warden's doesn't judge people! Being one means rising above your selfish needs, for the greater good! And if Riordan tells us to spare him, who is the senior Warden among us, we should listen to him!"

Diana exploded:

"You made me leader Alistair. You chose to follow, so you wouldn't have to deal with tough decisions. Well I had to, and when I did, all you did was complain who you could have done better. I pushed us this far, without me, you've would have become a sodding drunk, living in self-pity until the Blight would swallow you!" Diana paused for a moment before continuing "I got raped again and again by six different men, my parents got murdered by their best friend, who mind you, was very close to Loghain as well. I never wanted to leave my parents side, Duncan had to use the Right of Conscription to get me away. I never chose to become a Grey Warden! I didn't wallow in my own despair when all of that shit kept flying at me. I allowed it to make me stronger. You have no input here Alistair!"

He looked at her, not being able to say a word.

"You have my thanks Warden."  
She hissed at Anora "I did not do it for you. If I was only after a personal vendetta, Loghain would have been your new make up choice by now!"

Anora hushed.

"Loghain lives!" Diana faced Alistair, challenging him to say something. He was furious with her choice, but did not say anything.

Arl Eamon cleared his throat.

"So Alistair will take his father's throne."

Diana looked at Alistair with cold eyes.

" I don't know if..."  
"You see, he resents the throne!"

"I hardly think you are the appropriate person to mediate this, Anora. Warden will you help us?"

"Yes."  
"As the arbiter of this dispute. Who will lead Ferelden?"

"Alistair," she said without hesitation.

"Anora, the Landsmeet has decided against you. You must now swear fealty to our king, and relinquish all claim to the throne for yourself and your heirs." Eamon continued.  
"If you think I will swear that oath, you know nothing of me" Anora scowled

Diana moved closer to Anora, equipping her dagger.  
"Be reasonable, Anora."  
"Reason had nothing to do with your choice!"

A flash of anger and impulsion, and Anora lay dead on the ground. Diana stabbed her through the chest pushing Anora all the way against the wall.

"Nooo, Anora!" Loghain yelled.

"Stand back or I will, by the Maker do the same to you!" pointing her bloody dagger at Loghain. He hesitated and nodded.

"If you will continue with your speech, your highness," she said to Alistair.  
They all were shocked by her actions, it is for the best. That snake betrayed us twice.

"Just get to the Blight." she frowned

He cleared his throat "Yes, um, I need to ride with the armies to war, to face this Blight once and for all! After this is done, I will come back and take my position as king. This I promise!"

"I could do no less, my king" Diana whispered.

"Everyone get ready. We're marching for war!"

She left the room, before anyone could say something else.

Diana stood outside Riordan's room. She felt nauseous and clutched her stomach, while waiting for the results of Loghain's joining. She saw Alistair walking towards her.  
"I can't believe you did that. After all we've been through, you...you, made him a Warden!"

"Everything I am doing Alistair is for the cause of stopping the Blight. Having more Wardens increases is, and its a win, win situation."

"I thought..." He was only a few inches from her "that you were different. I did not think your foolishness would doom us all!"

"Doom us..." She shook her head. She could understand his anger with her, but now it was hitting its limit.

"I do not wish to continue this Alistair!" She said waving her hand. He gripped it firmly.  
"You never want to talk about anything. With Zevran you can share everything, but with me you can't. Well I am sick and tired of it!" She looked into the new king's eyes, only seeing rage in them. Her hand started to hurt, but she didn't flinch.

"I thought I meant something..."

"You want the truth, fine! I was in a weak state when I met you. When everything fell apart and there were only two of us remaining, I was afraid. Feeling like sodding Andraste with the world's weight on my shoulders. I was lonely, we flirted, it was fun. I do care about you but for me it never processed the point of friendship. That night in Redcliffe...I did that because I was mad at him. Wanted to make him jealous! It was a mistake and I'm sorry for it."  
Alistair laughed and tighten his firm armored grip.

"You're serious? Zevran? You let me be fooled by you because of _him, _so we shared that night because you wanted to make him jealous?"

"That's right!"  
"Andraste's blood, woman. I can't believe it!"

"As I said Alistair. I am sorry."

"Why him, why not me?" he asked, looking pathetic.  
"Oh, for fuck's sake. Do you really think this is a good time to talk about feelings?"

"I won't have this chance again."  
"I love him, I fell for him. I was drawn to him, sexually. Is this what you want to hear?"

"you fell in love with a man that tried to kill us...Hang on, maybe thats your thing. Maybe you will even love Loghain now. After all he tried to kill you multiply times, and not only that he betrayed us, the king, Duncan, that should him even more attractive!"  
Diana had slapped him so hard with her free hand, he had to let go.  
"Don't you ever speak to me like that again!" Alistair forced her against the wall, pressing his bodyweight so she couldn't escape.

"Let me GO!" She said, panting heavily.

"No!" He said through gritted teeth.

"I love you." He said kissing her suddenly

"No, Alistair..." She tried pushing him away, but he was to strong for her.

She kicked him in the groin, he lost his balance, Diana hit him in the face with her fist, causing him to back away.

"What the hell is your problem?" She yelled at him.

"I don't know. I hate and I love you. Its so fucking frustrating, you have..."

Before they could continue, Riordan stepped outside.

"I thought I recognized your tone, and Alistair's, or is it your majesty now?"

Diana thanked Riordan mentally for not making any comment on their fight.

"No, not yet!"  
"how is he?" Diana asked

"He passed the test. He needs rest. I would suggest you stay here one or two more nights before heading to Redcliffe. Me, the arl and Alistair will go now. I will see you there, sister." He bowed and left.

Alistair looked at Diana.

"It's here we part ways, then. I meant what I said. I'm no longer a Grey Warden, next time you see me, I am your king, not a templar you can treat like shit! I guess I will see you in Redcliffe. Take care of _your _new recruit!" He said, storming off.

Diana cursed him, and went in Riordan's room. She found Loghain sitting on a chair, having his head buried in his hands.

"That was different." He said noticing Diana's presence.

"The joining is a tough experience. Such is being a Grey Warden," She said.

"I can't believe you killed my daughter. I know you have your reasons to hate her, but..."  
"I'm sorry, but leaving her alive would cause rebellions, which we can't afford to have. You should know this better then anyone."

There was a moment of silence.

"Anyway, we're leaving in two days for Redcliffe. Get well, and be ready."

She closed the door behind him and went to her room, only to find Zevran there.

"Ah, my dear Warden. I have been waiting for you," He smiled

"Oh, for what reason?"

He gestured her to sit on the bed.

"There is something I want to give you."  
Diana raised her eyebrows.

"I got this when I killed my first target. It was beautiful, and I took it to mark the occasion." He gave her a small wrapped gift.

She seemed surprised.

"This is unexpected," she said while opening the package. She saw a golden, jeweled earring.

"Oh, Zevran, is is beautiful" She gasped.

"It has meant a lot to me, but so has....you," Zevran said  
"feel free to do whatever you wish with it. If you desire to sell it, do so."

"Are you crazy?" she said.

"There's is one problem, my ears are not pierced," Zevran raised his eyebrows  
"Well, I have thin needles that should be suited for that purpose, if you wish to do it now."

"Yes, I would like that."

Zevran took out his small pouch, took out a thin needle, he also had a small bottle, pouring it over the needle. "So it does not infect your ear, pet," he answered Diana's look.

"Now, this is going to hurt."

Diana shrugged her shoulders.

"Can't be worse then a battl...AOUCH!" She hold her ear, feeling blood running down.

"Do not tell me I did not warn you, my dear." He grinned, taking a towel, lying next to them, pressuring her wound.  
She pouted at him.

When it was done, he cleaned her ear, and placed the earring in her lobe.

"It suits you." He smiled at her.

"Thank you, Zevran," She leaned against his shoulders.  
"Thank you for everything"

She felt his hands, his gentle warm hands against her cheeks. He lift her face up and pressed his lips against hers.

"You know something?" She suddenly said.

"What?"

"I'm imprinted to you."

Zevran raised his eyebrows.

"I mean, your earring, that was for you, and it will remain there for as long I will live,"

Zevran chuckled "Is that a bad thing, my Warden?"  
"Not at all. I like it actually...I belong to you, Zev, and its comforting to know that something from you will always remain with me if you're not close," She said, feeling embarrassed. It was clear to her that she loved him.

They got interrupted by barking at the door. Diana sighed and opened the door to let her hound in.  
He wagged his tail, and laid by the fire, keeping a watchful eye at the door.

"At least we will be able to sleep safe tonight," Zevran grinned at Troy.  
"Yes because we can't protect ourselves at all from an attack right?"

"No need to get snappy, my naughty princess. Do you wish my presence tonight?"  
"Of course I do."

"Good."

He grabbed her by the waist, and laid her on the bed, kissing her neck.

"Zev..." He stopped, sat up and looked at her.

"Why do you almost never call me by my name?"

"I have actually never thought of that. Do you wish me to use your name more often?"

"Not if you don't want to, and if it is to annoying to use my name, you can come up with a nickname for me."  
"Hm, I like the idea of a nickname. Let's see, what can suit a beautiful woman who is fierce, wicked and violent." He kept looking in her eyes, "Emerald!"  
"What?" She said surprised.

"Your eyes, have a deep, green color. When you fight they always seem to glow. It suits you perfectly, since your actions always reflect in them, so does your beauty. I must admit, I always loved your eyes."

"Aw, Zev. That is a nice sentiment" She smiled.

"I have my moments." He chuckled.  
"Emerald it is then!"

Changing the subject,

"So, when are we leaving?" he asked.

"In two days. I promised Leliana to look at shoes and dresses tomorrow, have no idea when to use them, but it will make her happy, and I guess I can buy more food, potions and such as well."

"And Loghain, did he survive?"  
"Yes he did."  
"It's getting late, we really should go to sleep."

Diana agreed.

"Will you hold me?"  
"Of course, I would be honored, my emerald."


	12. Something dark is coming

Diana wandered in the outskirts of the camp. She finally got her Warden's Commander Armor repaired. Well, it was actually Zevran and Leliana that fixed it. She hadn't been able to put it one since Fort Drakon, but thought that she had to get over it eventually. She can't fight the archdemon in silk clothes, or in the armor she got from Bodhan. Diana absolutely hated her Shadow of the Empire, it put more weight on her shoulders and made her more stiff in her movements, which was weird, considering the Warden armor weighs way more.

She reminisced about the early days, when they had made their first camp. It had grown from the early days when she'd been alone with Alistair, Morrigan and her dog Troy. Now it was filled with people and emissaries from her four allies.

She saw Leliana argue with Oghren.

"Get your bloody nug out of here, Leliana!"  
"But he's so cute. Is he really bothering you, Oghren?"

"He stole my ale!"  
"He's a nug, how could he steal your ale?"  
"I don't know, but my ale is missing! Someone needs to pay!" Oghren sounded drunk like usual.

"I don't think Schmooples drinks ale."  
"Al righty then. Give him to me, and I can make a fiiiiine steak. I bet that fat nug will taste good."  
"Oh no, you don't!" Leliana wrinkled her nose, taking her nug in her arms.

"I promise it won't hurt."  
"Oghren, back away, slowly, or you will regret it." Leliana voice just pitched a higher tone, when Oghren took out his axe, closing in on her.

"I think you should listen to her, Oghren. You don't want to get on Leliana's bad side" Diana sniggered, joining the conversation.

"Warden, I barely seen you since we left Orzammar!"  
"Aw, Oghren, did you already miss me?" Diana said raising her eyebrow, she hadn't exactly been social to either Oghren or Morrigan. Of course, Morrigan had wanted to keep a distance since Diana killed Flemeth. Even if she did do her a favor, it must be hard to face your mother's killer. She always thought that the young apostate mage had a bigger, friendlier personality then she let them know.

"Aye, Warden! It brought a tear to my eye! Join me in my hole, with my ale."  
"Oh, your beer taste delicious, not like the usual dwarven one you got in Orzammar!"  
"Oh you bet your fine arse it isn't...Hey, so you're the ale thief!"  
Diana laughed, crossing her arms.

"Yes, I admit. I'm guilty!"

"You sneaky..." He was about to continue but fell to the ground.

Leliana let her nug go and both she and Diana, helped him up.  
"Ugh, Oghren, have you ever considering taking a bath?" Leliana said with a disgusting tone.

Diana agreed. Oghren smelled like old alcohol mixed with sweat.

"Bath? Dwarves don't bathe, women!" he growled, while they carried him to his tent and laid him to sleep.

"You know, it wouldn't hurt, if we strip of his armor and take buckets of water and just pour it over him." Diana said mischievously.

"Haha, maybe not for you. But I don't want the wrath of a dwarf. Not for my sake, but Schmooples will be then one to suffer."  
"True, still wouldn't be bad."  
Leliana giggled.

"Well I'm going to sleep. I will see you tomorrow." She said, hugging Diana.

"Good night, Leliana."

She watched as Leliana disappeared behind her small tent, carrying her pet with her inside.

Thank the Maker that she had good friends, she thought.

Diana watched her other companions, noticed that most of them were already asleep. She didn't even see Zevran anywhere, to her disappointment.

She saw Loghain sitting on a log, in the edges of the camp.

Diana felt remorse for him, she did kill his daughter right in front of his eyes. She had read all the tales as a child about King Maric and Loghain, how they saved Ferelden from the Orlesians.

The smell from their food was still in the air, stewed rabbit, that was the food they had been eating almost constantly since Ostagar, but it was better then nothing. Diana kneeled and filled a plate next to her. When they had been eating, Loghain hadn't wanted to come near them.

She approached him.

"Hi, I thought you might be hungry. You should eat something." She handed him the plate.

Loghain looked surprised.

"Erhm, yes, please. Thank you."

"So how does it feel?" She asked, sitting next to him.  
"Does what feel?" He said gravely.

"Being a Warden. You're not a teyrn anymore. How is it?"  
He sighed, looking up in the clear night sky.

"It was a surprise all this. But I am quite relieved not being one anymore. I know this is my death sentence, but my daughter is dead. I have no wish to pursuit life after this Blight business is done." He took a bite of the rabbit, he looked like he was going to throw up.  
"Are you alright?"  
He nodded and swallowed the bite with difficulty.

Diana had an amused look on her face.

"Well I hope you will enjoy it. Are you going to keep watch tonight?"  
"Yes, I am surprised that you trust me with that after what I've done."

Diana wrinkled her nose. "Yes i know, right. I'm crazy."

Loghain frowned and rolled his eyes.

She chuckled, and went to her tent and took out her map. It looked pretty worn out by now, how many times she had been using it. She looked at it would take them half a day to reach Redcliffe castle, so according to her logic they should be there by dawn. She felt a sting in her stomach. Maker not this again, she had been feeling nauseous since a few days back. The nausea has been increasing the past day but she thought that had to do with the nervosity of meeting Alistair again, since they didn't really depart on the best terms. She should get it looked at, maybe it wouldn't be the best weapon to start vomiting on the darkspawn.

With a small sigh she scouted the camp for Wynne, if it was something wrong with her, she would be the one to see it. She didn't have to look long to see where she was.

"...oh Maker you smell awful. I really should get you clean!"

"At least he'll drive the darkspawn away with his stench." Diana said smiling

Troy barked happily.

Wynne jumped at the sight of her.

"Didn't expect to see you here, thought you wanted to be alone."

"I was looking for you actually. I'm happy you haven't gone to bed yet, do you have time?"

"Of course child...if you promise to let me clean that dog of yours!"

"Fine! you have my word."

Troy knew his defeat and whined.

"Don't worry boy, you can roll in dirt afterwards again."

He barked happily.

Wynne frowned and they walked to the edge of the camp and sat down on a tree stump.

"Tell me dear, whats troubling you?"

"I haven't been feeling well...I do not know if this is maybe an after effect from your healing, since according Leliana, you were locked up in my room for days. It can also be because of Alistair, he was a dear friend that I lost, can't say I'm surprised. I haven't exactly treated him well, and after I let Loghain live, he feels that I betrayed him with the rest of the Wardens..."  
Wynne looked at her, a familiar mum look overcame her face.  
"What?"  
"young lady, that you are feeling like this is not unusual, especially not for someone that got into something bigger then herself. Your parents would be proud of you, just as we all are. Alistair is a confused lad that loves you, and he put his personal feelings before the issue of what had to be done. I must admit, I'm not loving the idea of having Loghain with us, but I understand why, and that's why I respect your decision. You led us here, created an army and made Ferelden united once more" She put a hand on Diana's shoulder.

"If you want to sleep easier, knowing nothing is wrong with you. I can gladly do a diagnostic."

"yes...please. It's probably nothing, but its better to be safe, I don't want to give a genlock the pleasure to chop me into pieces if I would faint on the battlefield."

Wynne said nothing, and placed her hand inches from her face, going down all the way to her feet. Diana felt the energy waves, it was soothing.

When she was done, she looked troubled.  
"so, nothing right?"

"I don't think so, but there is something, but I can't place a finger on it."

"What do you mean?"  
"I do not know. It has never happened before." The mage raised her eyebrows.

"Is it something to do with the taint?"

"Maybe, but still, I've done diagnostics on you before, then I didn't feel this"  
"Maybe I'm getting a cold?" She winked.

"Perhaps...It's probably nothing." Wynne said.

"Oh, well thank you, I'm going to bed. I feel pretty worn out, and I'm still not used to my good old armor" She said while banking on her chest, which caused more pain.

"mrrmgh, I should not have done that." Diana continued, Wynne shook her head.

"Good night child."  
"Night."

*^*

They were in the outskirts of Redcliffe, Diana had been seeing smokes rising from the village so she went on top of the hill near the bridge. _Darkspawn_, lots of them. Redcliffe village that she succeeded saving once, was almost annihilated. Most of the village was burnt down, only a few buildings were still standing. It was though only a matter of hours before this village would perish.

She gave the signale to Oghren, Sten, Loghain and Leliana to go to the village. She needed to get to the castle, to see if more disgusting monsters where there. Her heart pounded, what if everyone was dead? What if Alistair and the Redcliffe army is gone?

"Sten, Oghren! Keep those godless bastards from getting near the castle!" She yelled, the qunari nodded and they all hailed off. Diana, with Zevran, Troy and Wynne ran as fast as they could. She equipped her two daggers, they glistened in the red sunset. She killed any darkspawn she saw on the way to the castle. The bridge to the courtyard was crawling with them.

The arls army was already fighting the darkspawn that entered the castle gates. Diana had her eyes fixed upon the big ogre that was holding a man in the air ready to eat his flesh. Diana sprinted, her adrenaline pumping, and jumped on the back of the ogre, forced her sword deep in its back. The ogre screamed out of pain and let go of the man. It twisted around trying to get a hold of his annoying fly on the back but Diana had strong arms, she tried to hold on while twisting the sword as much as she could. When she noticed the ogre was gonna fall on his back, she pulled out her sword and jumped. She faced it again, the ogre had already gotten up. With their fronts against each other, she jumped towards it using all her force, bringing the beast on the ground with her sword deep in its throat. The ogre's eyes were wide open and then empty. Diana looked around and saw only two darkspawn still standing, which got taken care of by Zevran's fast blows. She smelled her armor, Maker, it had a nasty odor, and her hair was covered in blood.

_I really can't be clean, can I?_, she sighed.

They saw a man running towards them.

"I had word to await your arrival my lady!" He yelled

"The arl is inside with the king and Riordan." he continued

"Wait..."  
"We scouted the village from the tower, your friends have killed all the darkspawn that roamed the village!"

"I'm waiting for them" She yelled, she didn't have to wait long, as she saw them running on the bridge.

Diana's fellowship ran up the stairs.

The arl, Alistair, Riordan and bann Teagan were standing in the main hall, talking to each other.

"It is good to see you safe, and you as well, Loghain" Riordan said bowing down to greet his fellow Wardens

"And you" She said bowing down. Loghain merely nodded.

"indeed it is, we noticed the darkspawn arriving just some hours ago, we couldn't afford risking sending more soldiers to the village, thank the Maker for your arrival, " arl Eamon said smiling.

Alistair stood with his back faced towards Diana.

She never felt so awkward with him, and felt her anger bubbling up, it took all her effort to keep it hidden under her mask.

"It is good to see you well and unharmed, my _king,_" she said with a soft, icy cold voice.

He turned and looked at her. Filled with darkspawn blood, she doubted she looked like herself.

"We've gotten word that the darkspawn horde is marching towards Denerim, it will be there in two days notice." He said with a flat tone.

"Why did we think it would come here? Are you sure? Because we just slaughtered hundreds, well....at least a lot of them here."  
"We are. I "listened in" close enough to know it is." Riordan said.  
"Has word been sent?"  
"it has but it won't arrive in time we fear" Eamon said gravely.

"Then we need to march, we need to inform our allies that they need to move."

"We have already done that, when we came here. Riordan told us of his concerned feelings, so the letter must have arrived, and if they intend to keep their end of the bargain, they should be in Denerim the same time as us, if not earlier."

"We have another matter that concerns us more, the arch demon has shown itself, and its in midst of the horde."

Diana's heart pounded so hard she was surprised it hadn't broken her chest yet.

She glanced at Alistair, who refused to look at her.

"The arch demon is the primary concern!" Diana said sternly.

"The Blight will end when the archdemon dies, so yes it is" Riordan agreed.

"We will march by daybreak i suggest you all get some sleep, your room is upstair Warden, next to Alistair's and Loghain's. If I'm not to rude, do take a bath before going to bed." Eamon smiled.

She crossed her arms, and with a sarcastic smile,

"No, my lord. I love to smell like poo, blood and sweat"  
He laughed.

"How are we supposed to kill the archdemon?" She suddenly asked.  
"Duncan hadn't told you? you were new recruits...he didn't expect" Riordan turned away.

"Perhaps you, Loghain and Alistair should join me in my room, its in the end of the hallway upstairs, we have some Grey Warden business to speak of" Riordan said and marched of with Alistair. He bumped into Diana's shoulder on his way, intentionally trying to hurt her. It didn't work out, thanks to her strong armor.

_Thank the Maker, I have this on, you goofy bastard!_

Diana looked at her friends

"try to get some food, grab a girl or a boy if you want to have fun, and yes, take a bath if you can or just go to sleep, i will see you tomorrow. This is it, we're marching for war my friends."

She headed towards the stairs with Loghain, feeling Zevran's eyes follow her all the way up. She slowly walked in the drafty corridor of the arl's castle, looking at the paintings hanging on the wall. She never noticed them before, she'd been busy killing undead the last time she was here. She saw Alistair outside Riordan's room, she felt nauseous. When she came closer he said "there you are. Let's see what Riordan has to say." It looked like he was struggling with not pulling out his sword, killing Loghain at the mere sight of him.


	13. Morrigan's ritual

The three Wardens stepped in Riordans's room. He was standing with his back faced towards them.

"There you are, I'm going to be blunt with you, have you ever wondered why the Grey Wardens are needed to kill the archdemon?"

There was a moment of silence,

Diana's heart pounded, she wasn't going to like this conversation, that's for sure. She had never wondered or bothered to think why they were needed for the death of an Old God., but she bet that it did not involve puppies or sunshine.

Riordan faced them, with a very grim voice:  
"Any other may kill an archdemon, but if it isn't a Grey Warden that does the final blow it will all be for nothing."

"meaning what exactly?" She looked at Alistair, so serious. He usually made silly jokes at grave times like this.

"The darkspawn is a soulless empty vessel, the soul of the demon would linger in it only making that darkspawn a deadly foe, while the Grey Warden is not, when we kill the archdemon the soul perish with us....so does the Grey Warden."

"Meaning the Grey Warden that kills the archdemon dies?" Diana asked.

"Yes, and it is the only way to end the Blight."

Another moment of silence, thoughts flashing through their minds.

"Then i will deliver the blow myself to that piece of shit!" She finally said.

Her brethren looked at her.

"It warms my heart to see such courage, but do not hurry wasting your life. If possible I will do it. I'm the senior warden and it is my duty. But if I fail, the deed falls upon you to finish it"  
"so no pressure at all?" Diana said while nervously laughing

"For all that it is worth I'm sorry, i suggest you try to get some sleep, we have a long journey ahead of us" Riordan opened the door. They all nodded and went outside, in front of her room. Alistair hurried back to his room, leaving the two Wardens alone.

Loghain cleared his throat.

"You keep surprising me Warden. I thought the minute he said that the one that kills the archdemon dies, you would not hesitate to say that it should be me."

"Why should I? I don't own your life, Loghain."

"No, but you said I could redeem myself by becoming a Warden. I do not regret what I did at Ostagar, I thought I did was for the best. I just didn't see the tides turning on me. Sacrificing myself by killing the archdemon would be a sufficient redemption, wouldn't you say?"

"It would, but you heard Riordan, if he could, he will do it, and then, assuming we don't die fighting the darkspawn, we will live."  
"Do you really think it will be so simple as that?"

Diana sighed, "No I do not. But let's not speculate to much on this. I just know we can't let Alistair sacrifice himself, he's the new king, and with no one to succeed him, there will another civil war, choosing one a new one. Believe me. Also he did kinda resign the Grey Warden post when I chose you to live" Now she suddenly regret killing Anora, if they would die, she could have easily taken over the throne, and people would have cheered.

Loghain nodded, "Well, I will see you in the morning Warden. Hopefully fate will be gracious with us."  
"Good night." When he walked away, Diana whispered, "brother."

Diana was walking to his room. Now when she knew what was at stake, she let go of her pride and stubbornness. She knocked on his door, felt a sting of nausea.

Alistair opened the door,

"Why am I not surprised you are here." he quirked his mouth.

At least he didn't sound mad, that's a start.

"Did you want something?" He asked.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For what happened in Denerim." She said looking at him. He let her in the room, and closed the door behind him.

"Why? You meant every word of it." He said, trying to hide his discontempt.

"Well, yes I did. But I should have done it more smoothly."

He laughed,

"Diana, even if you wanted to, you wouldn't be able to do it. You are a fire head. One of the most amazing women I ever met."

"You don't seem that mad." She said, with curiosity – she didn't understand it.

"Don't worry. I am still very angry with the choice you made. But after what Riordan said I haven't been able to feel mad."

"I will never forgive you for letting him live, but I will not either be acting like a child about this. In the spur of the moment in Denerim, I had to let it out."  
"I think you have valid reasons, they weren't just about him."

"True."  
"Alistair," she said taking his hand, and looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything. I was a selfish ass, I fooled you and then I betrayed you by taking in Loghain. I don't regret making him a Warden but I don't want to lose your friendship. After what Riordan said, I can't depart from here, without talking with you."  
He sighed, and gently stroke her cheek.

"Don't apologize for your feelings. I should have handled it better as well. With everything that happened I just stayed hopelessly naive. I'm happy you came here to say sorry, and I sincerely do wish you and Zevran will find happiness together."  
Diana chuckled.

"No, you don't and there's no harm that you do not wish it either."

"Fine" He smiled at her.

"So, we could die tomorrow huh? Should have seen that one coming."  
"Well you won't. You are no longer a Grey Warden, remember?"  
"Psh, as I said, that was in the spur of the moment. Hello? Have you met me? Also if I actually wanted to give up being a Grey Warden, it will always remain in my blood, so I can't escape from it, not matter what I do."  
"You're king now Alistair. We can't have you sacrificing yourself like a big fancy hero."  
"But you can?" Being inches from her.

"Yes, I'm expendable, you're not!"

"To hell that you are expendable! You were the one leading us, actually giving us a fighting chance to defeat this before it would spread to other nations!"

"Exactly, I'm the leader!"  
"What about Loghain? You recruited him to be of use. So let him be! Let him kill the god demon thingie!"

"thingie?" She chuckled.

"You know what I mean."  
"Alistair, I can't ask the man to kill himself to save us so we don't have to do it. That's utterly selfish, and to many have died by my hand already."  
Alistair took all the things that were on his desk and threw it on the ground. He let out an anger of frustration.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?!"

"I was born such and learned my lessons well from my mother."

"I don't want you to die, Diana."  
She looked at the man in front of her, the broken templar, soon to be king, her king. Diana thought she should be upset, feeling more betrayed by the Grey Warden's secrecy, but she didn't. She did not even feel nervous about maybe dying during the battle.

"I should let you go to sleep, your highness."  
"Oh, don't call me that." He sighed.

"But yes, sleep does sound good. But spider senses tells me I won't be able to tonight. I wonder why that is?" he asked sarcastically.

Diana chuckled.

He hugged her tightly, with difficulty thanks to their armor.

"Thank you Alistair. I will see you tomorrow." She gave him an soft kiss on his cheek and left.

*^*

She opened the door to her room, only to find Morrigan standing close to the fireplace.

"Don't you have your own bedroom Morrigan?"

"I figured it is time we spoke."

"Urgh, more bad news?"

"That depends on how you will look at the situation." She glided towards Diana,

"I know what happens when the archdemon dies, I know a Grey Warden must be sacrificed."

"Reeeally, let me guess, your mother told you, or did you eavesdrop?"  
"It was my mother in fact."  
"Mhm ok then. So you know that one of us will be dead tomorrow, any other cheering news you want to rub in my face?"

Diana was angry, she just wanted to go to bed, wait for Zev to sneak in the room and be with her. He could always make her happy. She was angry at Morrigan, who seemed to only want to hurt her more.

Morrigan tried to keep her face neutral,

"I wanted to tell you, that 'tis does not need to be."

"Last time I checked it did!"  
"Just listen to my proposal, hm?"  
"Fine!"

Morrigan took a deep breath before continuing:  
"What I propose is that you convince Alistair or Loghain to lay with me tonight. For a ritual. It will produce an child, the essence will be able to absorb the archdemon's soul when you kill it. At this early stage, it will remain unharmed and you will this is done of course, you will leave me alone, and we will part ways."

"Wha...what?! You want to get the archdemon soul into a baby?!"

"Some things are worth protecting in this world." Morrigan frowned.

Diana noticed her breath becoming faster and faster.

"So the child would become an old demon God?"  
"it will have an soul of one, it will not however become an giant dragon."

"Why does that not make me feel better?" Diana said sarcastically.

"Why can't you ask them yourself?"  
Morrigan started to laugh.

"Alistair hates me, surely you know this, and Loghain probably only listen to one person in the entire world, and that person would be you, since you're his fellow Warden."

"This is blood magic, Flemeth's, isn't it?"

"Yes, but it should not matter to you, should it?"

Diana started to pace across the room.

She can't do this. It didn't feel promising to kill an evil, but in the long run, she would create another, that would be more powerful then the big dragon, if Morrigan is the child's mother.

Flemeth told her of this ritual, and that bitch was an abomination. She wouldn't be surprised if Flemeth had plans for the child, passing her knowledge to Morrigan to get it done.

So that's why they got rescued from the tower of Ishal that night, for this purpose.

Her heart and mind told her this is a bad idea.

"No" She whispered, "I can't agree to this."

"Don't let your foolish pride get in your way, do you believe Alistair will do his duty as king and take the final blow? And if you do it he loses the woman he loves, how do you think he would feel about that? If you want another view on the matter, think of Zevran..."  
"Zevran?"

"Yes, what do you think he would advise if he knew the life of his beloved was at risk?"

"He would understand!"  
"Really? Love is one of those things that does not contain much logic in it, he wants you to live. If you would agree to this, he wouldn't lose you."

"That doesn't change a thing...I'm sorry Morrigan, but I won't, and Alistair certainly wouldn't either agree to this. I'm not gonna risk creating another evil by being a coward and cheat death. If i die I'll die as a Grey Warden!"

"Then you are a fool. I will not stand by watching you throw your life away!"

"I'm not throwing it away."  
"As I said, I will not stand by."  
Diana sighed, when she realized that Morrigan was gonna leave her.

"Don't go Morrigan."

" 'tis is not my doing, its yours..." The apostate mage stood next to her, Diana stubbornly looked in the fire

"Fare you well my friend." She said touching Diana's shoulder and shapeshifted into a bird and flew out the window in the hallway.

*^*

_Did i do the right thing? _

She wondered while she paced, she couldn't sleep. It was just to much to take in during one night. Her stomach pain didn't give in either. Who will die? What if they all died in the battle and couldn't reach the beast in time?

Her thoughts got interrupted by a knock on the door.  
"Come in!"

The door opened, and she saw the blonde Antivan elf come in. He closed the door behind him.

She felt glad for the first time today.

"Hi Zev."

"you looked so troubled my emerald, such a unsuiting expression for a beautiful face."

He sat down on the edge of the bed, forcing her to stop her pacing and pulled her next to him. His hands above hers. She felt a tingle in her spine when he touched her.

"So why are you here, Zev?" She asked again, looking down on his hands

"Well you looked so unhappy when you were talking to the arl and I assumed your discussion with the Warden was finished and being such a caring friend and lover I am I wanted to check on you." He stroke gently with his free hand on her back.

This was probably going to be her last night being in a real bed. She wanted to take advantage of that with her love. This might be the last time, and she wouldn't give the dead rapists a chance to ruin it by interfering her mind.

"So what did he say?"  
Would it be an wise idea to tell him, he had trusted her with his biggest secrets, including the loss of Rinna, why shouldn't she be able to do the same?

"He told us...why the Grey Wardens are needed."

"So what is the big Warden secret? Dance for the darkspawns, maybe sing a lullaby, no?" He shut up by Diana's glare.

"A Grey Warden needs to kill the archdemon, to end its life, and in process sacrificing your own life."

"I do not understand."

"If anybody else kills the demon, it will be for nothing." She paused for a moment, closed her eyes, "Since the Grey Warden bears the taint, its soul will perish when one of us kills it. That's the short version of the story."  
"Meaning that one of you four will definitely die during the siege?"

"Yes."

Zevran stood up,  
"Do not tell me you are actually thinking about killing yourself!"  
"Ey, killing myself is suicide. Sacrificing for the greater good isn't."

"Does not matter!"

He started to pace, shaking his hands, not really knowing what to do of them. He tore down the bookcase close to him out of frustration.

"Zevran!"

"I will not let you die, not after...!"

She tried walking close to him, he kept shoving her away.

"You can't chose this. This is the one thing you are powerless in." Her voice almost crying by how he reacted.  
"There are three more Wardens. Loghain was recruited for redemption, let him take the blow!"

"You said the exact same thing as Alistair did. I will not ask someone to sacrifice themselves. Alistair can't take the final blow, he is going to be king. Riordan said he is willing, but what if he dies during the battle? Then it is between me and Loghain."

He took her arms and pushed her against the wall, his face inches from hers.  
"Zev, please..." Tears were running down her face.

"Do you have a death wish?"

"What?"  
"You don't seem upset, sad or anything remotely close about the dying part!"  
"What do you want me to do, Zev? Lie down on the ground, crying that I do not want to die? I can't stop now. I would be a bad leader if I did. I can't do anything about this, unless I actually agreed to Morrigan's propo..." She shut up, damn!

_Think before you act woman!_

"What proposal? His arms tightened, his angry eyes pierced Diana's sad ones.

"She offered a way out, with blood magic."  
"let me guess. You declined?"  
"She wanted me to convince Alistair or Loghain to sleep with her so she could have a child of the demon. I have a feeling I would regret that choice later on in life!"

She thought it was inescapable for the elf to look more angry. She was wrong.

"You...you are impossible!" He let go of her, turned his back towards her, walking away.

He sighed.

"Don't be mad at me Zev. Not now, I can't handle it." She touched his shoulders, he didn't move. She moved her hands over them, to his armored chest, holding him close to her.

"Get your armor off." She whispered in his ear.

"Tsk, tsk, what's this?"

"Make love to me, Zevran."

He faced her, "so first you make me mad, and now you're trying to make me forget all this by getting me in your bed?"

"Is it working?" She said with a coy smile.

He just smiled and kissed her, gripping his long fingers around her head, caressing her hair.

"You do know I will not forget this?"

"I don't care at the moment." she said, unbuckling her armor.

He helped taking it off, and got his own on the ground in the process.

The fire in Diana's body was awake and the passion was burning strongly, so she took hold of him and continued to kiss him, first on the lips and then down along his neck. He groaned and held her.

He kissed her with such intensity, pushing her against the wall.  
She had her hands on his bare chest, feeling his muscles, puling him closer to her. His warm chest against hers felt so wonderful. He kissed her down the neck, having his hands on her hips. She felt her arousal rising by his hard kisses on her body, holding her firmly near him.

She was over him with kisses, and her hand moved down, tracing down his muscled body, caressing her hand over his crotch. He responded immediately by pushing her even closer to him, while he got hold of one of her breasts and massaged it. Diana let out a load moan.

Zevran took her in his arms, facing the bed, and pushed her down in it.  
He was above Diana, panting heavily, he was moving down her chest, licking one of her breast and massaged the other while she moaned of pleasure and lust. He got her body to react wildly by his actions.  
His dominance made her even more lecherous, and her hands gripped the linen of the bed. She saw the desire for her in his eyes, as he stroke slowly up along the Warden's inner-thigh, he smiled at her, and caressed her sex. His face moved up to my throat. The only thing that existed was his warm breath on her neck and his fingers sliding in her. Diana became overwhelmed with pleasure and was twitching under his body, that was holding her firmly in one place. She was getting close, not being able to control herself, she bit Zevran's shoulder and shuddered under his body.  
He looked at her, with desire and pulled himself on top of her. He slid slowly into her, she put her legs around his back, and kissed him with more greed then before. He tasted like heaven. Zevran began to move in her and with each thrust, Diana moaned louder and louder. She dug her nails, scratching his back. He moaned close to her ear, making her shiver.

Zevran slid gently out of her, and turned Diana on her stomach, making her stand on all four. With a rough push, he was back in her. He had a hard, firm grip on her chest, and started to thrust harder and faster, as the assassin reached his climax, he collapsed upon her sweaty body.

He gently went out, "You, my Warden, are an amazing lover!", he panted in her ear and kissed her cheek. He tenderly kissed her neck and shoulders and Diana responded  
"You are not so bad yourself." She grinned.

"I did mean what I said before, my emerald." He said, sounding serious.

"I know Zevran, let's not think about that. There is nothing we can do about it."  
He sighed, "I suppose not."  
He turned on his side, holding her body close to him, they were both very sweaty as their bodies embraced each others.

"Zev..."  
"mm?"  
"I just wanted to say...I lov.."  
"Don't!"  
She stared at him with a surprised look,  
"Say that after the battle, my emerald." Stroking her cheek.  
"I don't want you to pressure this because of what you have learned. I do not want to remember you saying this because of what might happen. I know what you feel, and I feel the same. Survive and let's say those words then, yes?"

Diana nodded.  
They kissed and went to bed.

*^*


	14. In death, Sacrifice

_AN: So fighting scenes is reeeeeaally not my virtue. So sorry in advance if it sucks.  
Please be kind and review :) _

Diana woke up early the next morning, she felt more nauseous then she had previously, maybe it wasn't so strange, since she might die in two days. Zev was still asleep, she didn't want to wake him up, just yet.

Her armor pieces, the boots, gloves and chest piece were lying all over the place, she chuckled and put it on.

She went to the mirror in the room, and looked at herself.

Diana saw nothing of the girl she had been before all this happened.

_Father, mother, look at your creation. I wonder if you are proud of me..._

She saw her own reflection, but felt it was not hers. The one she's seeing, is full of scars, mental and physical ones. She felt for the first time that she was a woman, standing proudly in the Warden armor, Diana chuckled, well she should be feeling like one, she is after all twenty years old.

Her hair was long, it was different to see. She saw her earring glimmer in the reflection of the mirror, she touched it gently, thinking about what it meant, and she smiled to herself.

Not trying to think to much about the past nor the future she sat next to the man she loves, stroking gently with her fingertips over his sun-kissed back. He had no scars on his body, she was jealous of this. He woke up by her gentle touching, and smiled.

"Already dressed? tsk, tsk, to bad."  
"I can easily remove it if you have something in mind." She grinned.

"Do we have the time?"  
"We'll make our own time" She said kissing him.

"My naughty princess, should I play hard to get?" While he unbuckled her armor.

*^*

They had met up with the dwarven army on their way to the Circle of Magi, collecting the few mages still capable to fight. As they closed in to Denerim, they saw the dalish elves emerging from the nearby woods.

There was smoke raising in the red clouded skies, it came from the capital, the screams was heartbreaking.

*^*

"Now who do you wish take with you? I suggest taking Alistair and Loghain with you and one more!" Riordan voice echoed in her mind, they cleared most of the darkspawn at the front gates of Denerim. She came to, Riordan's revealed his plan by luring the dragon to the high point of the city.

"You said that you sensed two Generals, didn't you?"

"That's correct."  
"and there are a lot of more darkspawn roaming here."  
he nodded.

Diana bit her lip, she was going to make a tough decision.

"We need to get to the dragon as fast as possible, but it will slow us down if we need to kill the two generals, killing them would though probably confuse the darkspawn."  
She sighed.

"The plan is going to be this:

Alistair will remain here with arl Eamon's soldiers, and the dwaven golems, it will give the men courage to see their king, and having big boulders that can kill ten darkspawn in one go will also help, Sten will come with you Alistair." Sten bowed in response.

"Loghain will lead the dwarves into the city, since he is a general of Ferelden and have experience as one. He will create distraction and kill the two generals roaming within the city. It will give Riordan and me a chance to slip through without having to fight to much. The elves and mages will follow our footsteps and keep the monsters at bay with arrows and magic. Oghren and Troy will also accompany you, Loghain."

There was a moment of silence, except for Troy that whined.

"Don't worry boy." She smiled at her trusted hound.

"I want Wynne, Leliana and Zevran to accompany me, if they wish to."  
"Ah for you, I would gladly storm the gates of the black city" Zevran said putting his hand on her shoulder.

"That does sound like a good plan if we don't die on the way to the dragon." Riordan bowed.

"I'm off, I hope I won't see you again, sister, if you get my meaning. Good luck!" and the senior was off.

Diana faced her fellowship, the persons that had been with her since a long time now. Six and a half months. It was hard, she said that it had been an honor to have the privilege of having them as her friends.

Alistair grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the group

"You are not taking me with you? Why are you leaving me behind?"  
"If Riordan fails, it falls upon me or Loghain to kill it" She said trying to have an blank expression on her face.

"Don't you think I want to be at your side, as your comrade?"  
"You will not chose that Alistair i'm sorry."  
"Sorry my ass, I'm coming with you!"  
"No, you need to stay here with your men, if I die, and if Loghain dies, you need to warn the rest of the Wardens. You are king now Alistair, and the people need their king alive!"

"To hell with that!"  
"NO, now you listen. You made ME leader over this expedition, so what i say, you follow...have faith in Riordan, and hope that fate is kind." She saw tears in his eyes

"....Fine, but if you die, i'm going to very upset with you," he said kissing her hand.  
"I won't then." She smiled.

He and arl Eamon made way to the city gates, with the soldiers from Redcliffe.

Loghain stod next to her,

"So you are not taking me with you after all?"  
"When you have killed every darkspawn filth in the city, try to find us if you are so eager."  
"Warden, I just wanted to say. You surprised me during this short time we have known each other. Never thought I would say this..." he mumbled,

"I'm honored to have joined your cause," he bowed, "and I will be by your side when you face the dragon!"

He gave word to the dwarves to follow him in the city, and he was gone as well.

She turned to the three remaining companions, the all had sadness in their eyes.

"Do not worry, we will not fail, now lets go kick some darkspawn butt!"

They started to run through the once big capital, it was almost burned down and broken. The smell of smoke was strong as they roamed through the city with the elves and mages at their backs.

*^*

Diana had seen it many times in her dreams and in the deep roads, seeing it up close was frightening. She pulled out her daggers. The beast was damaged, its one wing was torn apart.

_Well, then it can't fly away at least!_

She didn't see Riordan anywhere and assumed he must have fallen. Nothing else mattered now.

The mages and the dalish went in positions where they could shoot and cast spells at the mighty demon.

Diana saw darkspawn swarming the place, trying to protect its master, her adrenaline was pumping, and killed everything in sight. She rushed against the dragon, trying to get under it, slicing her sword at its chest and throat. It flew up, but with its damaged wing it couldn't get far, it went on the edge of the platform where only arrows could reach it. Diana charged the darkspawn that were close to her. Leliana was shooting at the beast with the elves, so focused she did not see the big ogre heading towards her.

"LELIANA, BEHIND YOU!!" Diana screamed, she did not hear her.

The Warden ran with all the strength her legs could muster, but it was to late. The ogre grabbed Leliana, lifted her up in the air, she screamed and tried to shoot with her bow in the ogre's eyes.

Diana was getting closer, but not close enough, the ogre squeezed her best friend, and Leliana dropped her bow, and fell unconscious, it took her head in its mouth and tore it off.

It felt like everything was going in slow motion "LELIANA..." She cut through every darkspawn, vengeance filled her entire spirit. She jumped the ogre, rage was filling her up, and she cut the ogre to pieces, with blood gushing out from it.

She heard Wynne yelling "Diana, behind you!" She saw a hurlock alpha waving his gigantic axe towards her, she jumped from its blow.

Diana faced the alpha, blocked his blows with her daggers, she was furious which made her lose focus on the battlefield. The archdemon had landed in the middle of the tower again, she started to run towards it forgetting about the hurlock, it did not.

She fell down, feeling warm blood running down her back The alpha got a good hit, and she couldn't move. It went in front of her face, lifting up his axe, Wynne petrified it, allowing the assassin time to run to her and cut of its head. Zevran looked at Diana, she was loosing a lot of blood, that she knew. She couldn't move. Wynne hurried to her. She looked at her wound, "Thank the Maker that it did not hit the spine." Diana screamed in pain, it was hurting so badly, " need....I need to kill it...."

Wynne looked at her, "I can't heal this wound with my powers alone...You've been a good friend. I'm proud that you have called me such." Wynne said wavering her staff, slamming it on the ground, silver beams erupted from Wynne's body, covering Diana's core.

She had been healed before by Wynne, but this was much more warmer, more powerful. She could even feel her wound closing up on her back.

Diana got up, with Zevran's help.

She saw Wynne lying on the ground. "Wynne?" She didn't respond. Diana shook her shoulders "WYNNE!" her body didn't respond. She must have used the spirit to save her, exhausting all her powers.

"She sacrificed herself for me...." Diana felt tears welling up, both Leliana and Wynne were dead. Zevran grabbed her arm, pulling her away. "Mourn the dead later!"

She and Zevran started to run towards the dragon, she got under its throat, with her dagger slicing all the way through. The head fell down and Diana smiled, Zevran saw what she was about to do and screamed, "Diana, NO! Wait for Riordan or Loghain to come!"

She stopped for a second,

Thinking about her parents, her brother, Wynne and Leliana, she thrusted the sword with all her might into the head of the dragon. A blinding white light, surrounding her, the pain was unbelievable, she screamed but did not flinch. An explosion, she got pushed on the ground and then nothing.

--

Zevran got up from the ground. The force of the explosion knocked everyone down close by.

He ran towards Diana, she laid there, lifeless.

He took her in his arms, looking at her face, that was filled with darkspawn blood. Then he noticed something, she was still breathing.

_How could this be?_

He was filled with happiness, she was still alive. He took her in his arms, looking if she was wounded somewhere. The remaining mages and elves were close to him. All the darkspawn were dead or have scattered the city.

"Is she alive?" The old first enchanter asked.

Zevran nodded.

Irving sat next to him, with the same magic as Wynne had, he filled Diana's body with it.

"She just need rest, my lad." he said, while walking over to Wynne's corpse, with the rest of the mages. They took her body and started to walk down the tower.

Zevran took Diana, carrying her, when he saw Leliana's destroyed body, he stopped for a moment. The beauty of the bard had vanished, as the body laid there twisted.

*^*

When he came out of Fort Drakon with her in his arms, he saw Alistair and Eamon hurrying towards them.

"Is she...?" His voice cracked.

"No, she is not dead."  
"So Riordan took the blow?"  
Zevran shook his head.

"But, Loghain died when he fought the last general...so, how did...What happened?"  
"Our fair Grey Warden did indeed take the final blow. She did not die, why I do not know."

"oh, Maker. How?...Where's Leliana and Wynne?"  
Zevran sighed, "They are dead...Did you not see the mages?

"No, I had all my focus to get here..." His eye were filled with tears, and he approached the Warden's body, caressing her face.

"Let's go back to the camp outside the city. It will not take long to rebuild the city, with the help from the mages, but we have nowhere to put her at the moment."

"Leliana's body is still up there, it is not a pretty sight, but you should recover it. I think she would appreciate it."

"Of course, I will go now. I will see you back at camp."  
Zevran nodded, and kept walking, ignoring all the eyes that were on them, pointing. He heard voices screaming:  
"Hail the Grey Wardens!"  
"The Blight is over!"

They were all cheering, the Blight was over, but at what cost?


	15. Beyond the Night

**AN: I had a good idea in my head when I thought about this chapter, but it was way more difficult when I actually had to write it. I had twisted feelings about releasing this, so let me know if you like it or not.**

Diana woke up, she felt soft grass under her. Where was she? She plunged her sword deep in the archdemon's head, the bright light...Is this death?

She tried to stand up, expected to feel pain, but felt none.

Looking around, she saw that she was standing on a field of grass, filled with flowers of all kind of colors and trees, she saw a sea in the horizon and a warm sun being high set in the sky. She did not recall being in a place like this.

If this is death, it's more pleasant then I thought it would be, she thinks.

She lay herself down and looked up in the blue sky, not knowing what to do. She thought what had happened minutes before she sunk the blade.

Wynne, Leliana, that they were dead was to big to comprehend. She wondered if they could be close by, or if they were in their own world now.

She let herself cry, just a little...

"Now why do you look so miserable?" She heard a very familiar voice chuckling.  
Diana looked to her side, and saw Leliana.

She was glowing, more beautiful then ever. Her red hair was nicely tied in a knot, and she was wearing a golden small dress.

A flashback appeared in her mind, a dead body, a head getting torn apart, crunched and lifeless. Yet she is here...

"Leli?"  
The bard lay herself next to her, grabbing Diana's hand, she started to cry, knowing this can't be real.

It was like she read her mind,

"why would it make it worse if it wasn't real?" She chuckled.

"Don't worry it is." she continued making the Warden more confused.

"I'm sorry....I couldn't reach you in time..." Diana's voice faded.

Leliana waved her apology away, "I should have been more alert! At least when I got here, I could go back to my pretty looks, just imagine me walking here, with no head, and a crippled body."

"At least it would have been a view." Diana joked, getting a punch by her friend on her shoulder. They both laughed and hugged each others in the grass.

"So I'm dead to aren't I?" She asked.

"No, you're in the fade, with us..."

"us?"  
"yes, Wynne wants to say hi as well you know, before you wake up."  
"Wake up?"  
"Yes..."  
"How did I survive?"

Leliana sighed, making her friend more nervous.

"I don't know..."

Diana remained silent, and listen to the birds singing in the trees, it had been a long time since she had heard that. It was soothing.

"Can you come back?" She asked the bard, holding on to the last hope, even if she knew the answer was going to be...

"No, I can't, and if I actually could, I would literally look like a wandering headless corpse. I have a feeling you would run away everytime you see me." She chuckled.

"I know I just...I can't lose you again. You say I will wake up, what if I don't want to...This place is amazing, no death, no despair, no darkness...."

"Of course you want to wake up! You have Zevran! You two love each other!The assassin has given his heart to you, and you have given yours. Why don't you want to go back to that?"

"Love...love is a tricky thing, isn't it? Yes, I love him, but can you really see a future with us? What will happen when the passion dies, the fire gets burned out and leaves a mark, never to be lit again?"  
"Oh, stop sounding so dramatic! Passion and love are two separate things, when you combine them, like you two have, the fire as you describe it, will burn more strong then before, and that fire can't die...He loves you, at this moment, he is holding your hand, not leaving your side. He looks for signs for you to wake up so the aching in his heart can stop." She paused and looked in Diana's eyes.

"and as for the future, why do you need kids, marriage to be together? You are a Grey Warden, destined to have a traveling life. One Zevran would be more happy to share."

"That's true I guess. It's not only that, Zevran will be able to cope if I die, with whores for company..." Leliana interrupted,  
"He will lose something he treasures more then life itself. Love. Diana, the most important thing in life is to love and be loved in return, these are feelings no one can take from you."

Diana fell silent, Leliana chuckled and grabbed her hand, and they started to walk along the shores, of the endless blue sea.

"So what is this?"  
"Your paradise..."

Leliana all off sudden had a harp in her hand, trailing her fingers on the cold hard strings, beautiful music emerging from it. It had been a long time since Diana had hear her friend play or sing, she always loved it...and realized this will be the last time she'll ever here it. Tears fell from her eyes, as Leliana sang.

"So what are you going to do?"  
"Oh, me, I will sing and dance until I can't no more. I will not be here when you leave, I will go to my own haven, that's filled with fashion, dresses and oh, shoooes. Wonderful shoes!"  
"Can't forget the shoes, can we?"

"Never!"

"So when we die, do we all go here?"  
"No..."  
"But..." She was getting more confused by the second.

"I can't tell you, I'm sorry."

"Oh, you are no fun!" She chuckled.

"Look at it as a surprise." Another familiar voice said behind them.

She turned and saw Wynne.

"Wynne!" Diana ran and hugged the mage.

"I can't believe you did that!" feeling more tears running down her cheeks.

"I had to, child." She said with a firm voice, ending that discussion.

She didn't want to let go of Wynne, and just stood their having her motherly arms wrapped around her, while she silently sobbed. Leliana hugged Diana from behind, they were all crying.

"hush, child. Its not so bad, being dead I mean." She said, caressing Diana's face.

"I don't...I don want to be without..." she said sobbing against the old woman's robes.

"We will always be with you," Wynne said, placing her hand on Diana's chest, "in there, and in your memories. Those will never fade away. You have life that awaits you, and your body is actually starting to wake up."  
"Wha...What?"

"Time passes faster here then it does in the real world. You've ben unconscious for five days..."  
"Really?" Raising her eyebrows.

Wynne nodded,

"We do not have much time." She grabbed Diana's shoulders, and Leliana held her arm around her.

"Just know we both love you very much, do not feel guilty for our deaths, we would have followed you to whatever end! Live your life well, and know we will always be with you in your heart! Farewell my friend" Diana felt the world around her getting smaller and smaller, and saw everything diminishing, and dissappear around her.

"No.." she whispered, "I'm not ready, don't make me.." She cried, everything went dark and she did not feel the warmth any longer.


	16. Fading

**AN: Just a warning. This story is about to get more grim then before. I know where I'm going with this. Also I might get a little bit slower on updating. When I see that people put this story in their alert, favorites or review it, I get happy, and more excited to write, so please keep reviewing :) I'm in my last school year my main focus is getting through it. Hope you will still follow this bumpy ride.**

**And yes, sorry for the short update!**

Diana woke up to a world of despair. She was lying on a big bed, ruby red silken sheets, and by the looks of it, she was in the estate in Denerim. Wasn't it destroyed?

Darkness kept circling around her. The smell of smoke, blood, filth and death was strong and almost made her vomit. She had killed the archdemon, it was all over, yet she felt so crushed. It had all been to much. She had lost her best friend, and the closest thing to a mother, she got some closure when she had met them for that short period of time, but it had ended to quickly.

First now she felt her body, it was in pain, and she saw a head lying on her tummy, that belonged to the assassin. She slowly moved her hand, and caressed him through his smooth hair. This woke him up. He seemed surprised at first, but then without saying anything, he touched her face and hair to see if she was real.

"I am here you know," she chuckled at him, when he leaned closer to her.

He took her in his arms, and held her close to him, his long fingers moving gently through her long hair. His fragrance, Maker she loved his leather scent.

Caressing her cheek, he lifted her chin, and embraced her with a long, longing kiss. It felt like it was forever since she had tasted him. He was intense, at the same time soft. No words were needed to tell her how much he had missed her during these days. He paused for a moment. She felt his hot breath upon her mouth, longing for more of his touch. Not even the odor from the battle could make them stop. She began to tingle in her stomach, the fire ignited in her. His soft kisses on her cheek gave her goosebumps all over. It was breath-taking how much she had longed for him.  
He pulled gently away and stared with his amber eyes into Diana's, as he was about to say something they got interrupted by a cough.

They both looked at the entrance. Alistair stood there, in a white, silver silk clothing with green markings. He looked like a prince.

"Hope I'm not disturbing you." he said heartily, while closing in on them.

Diana was flushing, and Zevran sat himself at the edge of the bed, not showing any expression.

Alistair hurried to her side, hugging her tightly. "I thought you were gone for good!"  
"well I should be gone for good, I should have died Alistair. Why didn't I?"

"This is the first thing you want think about when you wake up? Glad to see that you still want to be with us."  
"Its not that, and you know it." She said glaring at him.

Alistair shrugged his shoulders, "We don't know yet. The Orlesian Wardens have already began to move here. According to their report they should be here within the month. They will probably take you in for questioning."

"How can I answer something that I do not know myself?"

"I do not know."

"Zevran," he said suddenly, "Can you leave us alone for some minutes?"  
"But, no...why, I like him just where he is." Diana tried to say.

Zevran chuckled at her, "I will back soon...m'lady."

_M'lady?! What the..._

He went outside the door and closed it a bit harder then he had to. Feeling the nausea kicking in, Diana laid herself down on the pillow.

Alistair looked at her with warm eyes, and caressed her hand.

"So what happened, Alistair?"  
"Oh that's a long story. Short version is, you should have died, you didn't...and um the mages that came to check on you discovered something...you're pregnant."

"Wha..wha..what? Oh, haha, very funny, Alistair!" she said laughing, it was a joke, had to be. It was a bad one, but still a joke.

"No it is not, the healers said it's around one month old! They almost didn't feel it when they were doing a diagnostic on you." He looked deadly serious...

"But, Grey Wardens...can't, what...this can't be true!" She mumbles, her heart was pounding with fright that kept escalating, and cold sweat started to emerge from her hands.

She just been awake for ten minutes, and Alistair, not precisely known for being smooth, drops this bomb on her.

He scratches in the back of the head. "The mages knows who the father is...they could only take samples from me and Zevran, and um, I'm I...I'm the father." he looked very red.

"No, you are kidding aren't you? No, no, no, no, no. It can't be you!"

She felt a terrorizing feeling crawling upon her spine, an ache in the throat as it went dry. She started to breath faster. Confusion battles with her brain as she struggles for control. She heard Alistair talking about something, she couldn't comprehend it, it was to much. She couldn't breathe and faded away.


	17. Farewell

Zevran was sitting in the kitchen in the estate. He did something he hadn't done in a long time. Polishing his weapons always kept his mind at bay. The blood from the darkspawn filth had crusted into the blades. He needed to sharpen them as well, he noticed after reflecting them in the fire coming from a torch close by.

All he could think is that she belonged to him, that he knew, she had said so herself. But now, he couldn't describe it as jealousy, after all it wasn't her fault. So what was it then?

He chuckles to himself, if Leliana or Wynne were here they could describe it fast as a heartbeat.

He hadn't been attached to them, but they were close enough to friends he had ever had. He actually missed the annoying bard and the never-ending-poking mage. Sten had already left to sail home, and Oghren was somewhere drinking his disgusting beverage, so he had no one to bother.

He hadn't trusted the healers from the Circle. They had been weak, and not quite as blessed either with healing spells as Wynne had been. They were afraid of Diana, since no one knew how she had survived the battle, and somewhat as Zevran had surveyed them, they thought that she was going to transform into a demon and eat them all. Foolish superstitious mages.

Denerim had started to look like a city again. All the survivors from the battle had stayed and helped rebuild, well the parts that mattered for the moment, which was the palace, estates and the market district. There was a lot of work needed to be done, but they had removed all the corpses outside. They burned the darkspawn immediately, and had put the elves, humans, dwarves and the mages in separate piles. So that their own people could take them back in wagons they got from the soon to be king, Alistair. No one had gone near the dead dragon, it was still lying on top of Fort Drakon. Thinking back to the battle...

He had wondered himself : How did she survive? She had declined Morrigan's ritual, and yet she lived. He had been happy, no, happy is an understatement, ecstatic, no. Words couldn't be enough to describe how he felt, when he saw that she was still breathing. His happiness was not long lived.

When they had found out three days ago, that she was pregnant with his child, Eamon had started to talk with Alistair, making plans to make her his queen. That it would unite the country even more, and assuring an heir to the throne was the dream for Eamon! Zevran felt himself tightened the grip of his dagger, he had made it clear to both of them that he did not approve of their talk about her like some trophy, that didn't have an own opinion! Alistair somewhat thought that she would be overjoyed by these news. Morrigan was at least right there; he was a naive foolish templar with no eyes.

Still the fact remains: She was pregnant. That changed everything, whether he liked it or not. It was bad enough that she was with child, that she was caring _his_ made Zevran crestfallen. Here is another thing he was powerless in. He hated it. Without controlling himself, he threw away the daggers against the wall, and buried his face in his hands. This wasn't like him. All he wanted to do was to go up to her and kiss her, hold her, tell how much he wanted and loved her and say that everything is going to be fine. Maybe it would be best if she did marry Alistair, politically it would. If Zevran would deny her now in her vulnerable position, she might even go to him for comfort, and he could try to forget. He shook his head. He could never forget her nor the times they have shared. He rose up, took some few deep breaths, and decided to go out. There must be something he can help with. He needed to do something before he lost his mind.

It was in the middle of the day, as Zevran walked to the city gates. It was a sunny day, the first one since the archdemon roamed within. It was refreshing and it felt nice to feel warmth against his face. He noticed refugees that tried to come in the city. He took interest in the man trying to talk to the guard. He looked vaguely familiar. The assassin approached.

"...I demand you take me to to the authorities!"

"As I've been trying to tell you, we are quite busy here, if you haven't noticed!" The guard angrily said, as he tapped his foot.

"Look, just let me in. I can find my own way from here!"  
The guard sighed "I can't just let you in! Now will you please leave and return on happier occasions."

"What seems to be the problem?" Zevran stood next to the guard.

"And who might you be?" the guard sounded even more tired.

"I'm just the one who was with the Grey Wardens as they killed the archdemon!" He responded lightly.

The guard recognized him, "I'm sorry", he bowed.

"It seems a guard of your standard will do little use tending to these unimportant matters. Why won't you let me handle it, hm?"

"Of course," the guard moved away.

"Thank you. He was a pain in the arse."  
Not caring for thanks, "Who are you? You seem familiar." Zevran asked.

"Oh, yes. My name is Fergus. Fergus Cousland."

--

Diana was up, she had been unconscious for another day. The mage that surveyed her finally let her go after finishing her breakfast. Afterwards she just wanted to be left alone in the room. She was dragging her feet after her, as she walked slowly across the room with trembling knees.

She didn't want to live. What she wanted is to crawl up in the bed and die out of shame and anger. Or if she had never slept with Alistair, that would also be _awesome_! She got disgusted with herself. She made the impulsive action to sleep with him, now she had to pay for it. Diana sighed, she had just hoped the price wouldn't be this high. Angry impulsions made her throw all the bookcases and chairs to the ground. She started to cry and kept hitting everything close to her, so hard that her knuckles started to bleed. She pulled her legs up, and wet the robe with tears.

_I'm so pathetic and stupid._ If Wynne or Leliana were here, they would know what to do.

_They aren't, so get over it._

Diana wiped the tears away. Zev...oh, for fuck's sake! He had just left her when Alistair came, and she hadn't seen him since. She wondered how angry he must be with her now. She couldn't stand the sight of herself without getting repelled, so for him it must be even worse.

More tears welled. Couldn't Alistair at least have the decency to knock her out for at least eight months, so she wouldn't have to live through the hellish days to come.

The sting of nausea came and she had the urge to vomit in her self-pity. She already hated the kid, it was causing more pain then happiness then it would do to a normal couple. Diana laid herself down on the cold stone floor. She kept crying as they fell softly to the floor.

What is she going to do? She loves Zevran, she really does, but this changed things. Diana didn't want it to change, she wanted him, only him. Finally when the threat was over, something just needed to happen to ruin it. Her heart started to pound faster, the thought of losing him because of some stupid jealousy trick was just to much for her. Diana had no idea how she should feel. Everything she thought she knew was upside time she actually slapped herself so hard that she saw stars. As she tried to calm herself down, her fear just kept escalating, she couldn't even swallow anymore without feeling enormous pain doing so. The clogging in her throat kept going upwards. It almost felt like she was going to throw up her own tongue.  
A hand on her shoulders made her scream, until she saw it was Zevran. She didn't hear him coming in the room, although he is a assassin. He can be quiet if he wanted to be. His face, stone and hard. He said nothing, and took her hands, examining the wounds, his expression turned more grim.

Without a word, he pulled her up, with his one arm around her legs and the other one at her back, he carried her to the bed. She sobbed silently against his warm shoulder.

When he had tucked her under the covers, he pulled out her hands, and took out a bandage from his armor. Gently, refusing to look her in the eyes, he bandaged her knuckles. With a smirk, looking around in the room, he asked silently, "So having fun already tearing down the palace?"

"I couldn't control myself," she mumbled in a whisper.

"That was already a given, wasn't it?" he snorted, trying to have a non-readable expression.

Diana felt embarrassed. "How are you feeling?"

At this, she couldn't control herself. She started to laugh.

"If you do not wish to have my concern, you could just say so my dear!" He frowned at her.

"Im sorry Zev," as she wiped more tears from her eyes, not knowing if it was from sadness or laughing.

"But if you want a truthful answer. No, I feel like shit, but it will pass."

"Will it?" He still didn't look at her, that annoyed her greatly.

"Well, there is nothing I can do about this," eyeing her stomach, "It was a big shock but it will pass."

"You do know, that Alistair and that arl is talking about marriage."  
_Boy, he didn't waste time bringing bad news._

"Really? Well I hope you said they could shove it."

"I said that you wouldn't approve of their talk, but I can't forbid them to speak. I left, since my assassin senses were tingling to kill them." He sat closer to her, and kept looking down with his hands hanging on his knees as he was done with hers.

She giggled, and tried to touch his arm. He stood up as a response, and tried to leave.

"What is it Zev? Can you please talk to me. I don't want to play games with you!" She cried. He stopped in his tracks and turned his head.

She got up faster then she thought and marched towards him, he backed until he hit the wall.  
Being only a few inches from his face, she let out a low growl. "You want me to remove it? Is that it?" Being this close to him and not kiss him, was driving her insane. The tickling feeling in her stomach, her pulse rising and her heart pounding. He grabbed her shoulders so hard that it almost hurt her, and switched their positions, and slammed her against the wall. There was no space between their lips as he responded "You do whatever you desire! Do not include me in your wishes!" Without saying anything further, he left the room. Diana stood there numb, unable to move. She was shocked, and the shaking in her legs gave in. She slid down from the wall, trembling in her entire body. He had been angry with her before with valid reasons, but never been cold like this. This was new to her, wondering how she must look quite the fool now. The tears kept coming, there seemed to be no end to them. She wiped her eyes and stood up with difficulty and decided to go out. Diana looked in her dresser, the servants had already put fancy clothes in there. Some were hers from Leliana's shopping. She took out a red, tight dress. It was made out of silk, and went all the way down to her feet. It was her favorite. There were some pins that were lying on her desk, she took it and put her long hair in a knot, grabbed a black thick cloak, and left the room.

Diana didn't reach far until she bumped into Alistair in the corridor, he had his armor on this time, one very much like Cailan's. He looked like a royalty. He grabbed her as she tried to pass.

"I thought you were going to be in your room today." He said with a concerned voice.

She tried to shove him away, but he pulled her closer and embraced her in a hug.

_More tears, damn it! Can't I just stop being a sniveling baby for one moment!_

"Hey," he had his finger on her chin and lifted up her face, "whats wrong?" she looked into his eyes and saw his hazel ones, they were filled with kindness and care.

He wiped her tears away with his thumb.

_Why is he so nice?_

"oh, me, nah, its nothing." He had pulled her so close she could feel him breathing in her hair. He had his one arm on her back and the other wiping the tears that kept coming.

"Don't lie to me Diana." He softly whispered.

He took her arm and pulled her into her bedroom, locking the door behind him. She sat down on the bed while he took a chair and sat himself in front of her.

"So what is it? Our friends death? Or is it the baby?"

She twitched at the sound of the baby.

"Ah so my guess is that involves the child." He said, while taking her hands into his. "I arranged a small funeral for them that I thought you would like. It's going to be outside the city and it's tomorrow."  
"Tomorrow?"She heard Wynne's distant voice, _Do not mourn for us, child_.

"Yes otherwise their corpse..." he stopped.

With a heavy sigh. "I'm ready Alistair."

"Also, Zevran told me that he found someone you would like to meet. He's resting at the moment and will see you tomorrow after the funeral." not waiting for a response he continued.

"And how are you feeling about the other thing?" She saw heat rising on his cheeks as he asked.

"What do you want me to say? That I'm happy because I'm not Alistair. I hate this, I hate that it is your child. I hate the fact that Zevran despise me because of this." She put her hand over her mouth afraid to say more hurtful things. He really looked devastated. She took a deep breath before continuing, "but I can't do anything about it. I actually can remove it, but I won't. It's not my choice to make anymore."

"I do not wish to make you unhappy..." His voice faded as he turned his face away from her.

Her heart skipped a beat, is he crying?

"I do know if you,' he stutters, 'if you would let let me, I would make you the happiest bride alive." he almost choked on the last words.

"I still love you, Diana." he finished.

He didn't wait for her reply, he just unlocked the door and left. Diana was left in all more confusion. Her brain had stopped working. Sighing, she tried to fall asleep.

The next day, Diana woke up early. She was watching the sunrise as it embraced the city in its golden light. The smell from death was finally gone. It had been a week since she had killed the archdemon. Her eyes fell on the high tower that seemed to be so far away. Flashbacks went through her mind. She cut it out. Turning around she went to the dresser. The servant had already taken out clothes that would fit for the occasion. Black robe with white pearls hanging on its shoulders and a big red belt to be around her waist. She hated to be in robes, it reminded her to much of Highever whenever she had to dress up formally. Wynne nor Leliana would mind her to wear her armor for their funeral. Sighing, she took the small belts that she had tucked in the bottom of the closet and put it around her legs. She placed one dagger on both thighs. Always good to be prepared.

There, all done!

Trying not to think to much, she took the cloak Leliana had given her and left the room to wait in the hallway for the escort to take her, Oghren, Zevran and Alistair to the funeral.

There were not many people there when they had arrived to the small white chapel. She was grateful for this. This wasn't a formal funeral, just saying goodbyes to dear friends. There were four bodies lying in the center. She went a bit closer to the white altar were they were lying. They had covered Leliana's body, but she could see through the white cloth they had placed over her. The twisted shape and headless. Diana tried to breathe normally but that was hard and the all to familiar tears fell down her face. At least she could see the others. Wynne was lying in the middle, looking peaceful, in her enchanter robe and Riordan was lying to the left. They had dressed him up in silver massive armor, "I'm so sorry brother..." she whispered. She saw Loghain lying next to Leliana's right side. He had the same armor on as when they attacked the darkspawns.

She sat down in front of her companions and sobbed in silence. Zevran pulled her away and she hugged him without warning. He seemed stiff but didn't shove her away.

Alistair had started to talk to the small crowd, saying what honorable men and women they were. Diana had stopped to listen, but chuckled to herself that he mentioned Loghain as a honorable man. That was only formal, she guessed. His speech didn't continue that long. Zevran let go of Diana, "I think they want you to say something," nodding towards the altar. She turned and looked at Alistar that held out his hand. She walked slowly and embraced it.  
"I...There is no words to describe these wonderful people. I never got to know Riordan or Loghain. But knowing from their history, they were good men to the core, 'she didn't want to explain Loghain's actions, and she continued, 'I..." she stuttered, her heart pounding so hard that she could hear it in her ears. Alistair tightened his grip around her hand.

She took a deep breath, thinking of the song she learned as a child. It always calmed her down when the elders talked about death, it was a comforting song. Another long breath, she started to sing that echoed in the chapel;

_Beyond the night, a rising sun._

_Beyond the night, the battle's won._

_The battle is won._

_Fear and shame now in the past._

_Pain and sorrow gone at last._

_Gone at last._

_Circle renewed, peace will be found._

_Beyond the night on sacred ground._

_River flows led by the wind._

_First new breath, our journey begins._

_Our journey begins._

There was a long silence, she met a lot of chocked eyes. She heard Alistair whisper in her ear, "That was beautiful Diana. Didn't know you could sing." She chuckled, "me neither."

They had put the bodies on four pyres, and burned them. She watched as their bodies turned to ashes.


	18. Torn

**An: Gah, these two last chapters were a bitch to write. Hope you will enjoy! :)**

When they had returned to the palace, Zevran had immediately left with Oghren to help with the repairs, leaving Diana and Alistair alone. She didn't understand the assassin, his behavior was changing rapidly these days. So at the moment she was content that he left her alone, and unhappy at the same time. She missed having him near her. Her strength seems to be fading whenever he was not around. He have more power over her then he knows.

Alistair didn't say anything, which she was grateful for. They walked slowly to her room. He grabbed her hand before she opened it.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She nodded, having no desire to tell him what was aching her heart. She would just hurt him more and she didn't want that.

"I hope that what burdens your heart will get some relief when you will see your surprise. I will talk to you later." he gestured towards her room and left.

_Surprise?_

She opened the door and saw a man standing with his back towards her. He looked...It can't be. Her brain must be messing with her some more. This is all to much. The man turned at the sound of her opening the door.

She was shocked and gaped at the man.

"Is that how you greet your own brother?" he chuckled, walking towards her.

"Fergus? How..how, you," she stutters, not being able to form a sentence.

He hugged her tightly. He smelled like him, it can't be an illusion.

"brother," she chocked.

It felt like they hugged for an eternity. Diana didn't care. For the first time since the archdemon defeat she didn't feel lonely.

When they let go, they both sat down on the bed.

"I can't believe that you are alive. I'm so happy that you are." She hugged her brother again. He patted her gently on the back. "Trust me, I'm happy to be as well. So sister, I've heard a lot from people, praising you and the wardens. Mind to tell me the story, from..." his voice turned sad, "from Howe's rampage in our home."  
"Of course brother."

--

Zevran and Oghren were walking in the city. He figured Diana was busy enough with her brother by now, and didn't want to disturb her. Also if he actually would meet her again, he had no idea how to be. All of this was so confusing, heartbreaking and anguishing. He regretted thinking of Diana marrying Alistair, and yet all he did was hurting her. He got upset for no reason last time he was with her alone, or it was a reason that he tried to keep hidden. She didn't need his coldness. He knew perfectly well that she didn't like how her situation has turned out and still he couldn't control himself when being near her.

_Anger and desire, a dangerous combination._

So for time being avoiding her seem to be the reasonable thing to do if he didn't want to cause her more pain. If the Crows would know what he has reduced himself to, they would mock and kill him for his ignorance.

"Elf!"  
"Oghren!"

The dwarf burped, "so what's going on between you and the missis?"  
"missis?"  
"Yeh, the warden girl obviously! Who did you think I was talking about? Idiot."

Zevran clutched his chest, "You wound me my little dwarf."

"Bah, shouldn't you two be up in her room, snogging and humping like two bunnies now when you finally have the time?"  
Zevran chuckled, "You never seem to stop amazing me with your choice of words friend."

"If I wanted to be formal, I might as well started shitting out flowers. I won't be doing that!"

"If flowers would emerge from your behind the world would truly end."  
The dwarf made a disgusting sound as a response.

"Why aren't you with your long legged woman?" he persisted.

"I do not wish to say."  
"Bah!" The dwarf finished as he walked away from the assassin.

Zevran sighed, he desperately wanted to go to Diana.  
_Don't be so weak!_

"Zevran!" he heard a familiar voice yell. He turned and saw Alistair walking towards him.

"What do you wish, my king?" he said bowing.

Alistair waved his hand, obviously annoyed. "The coronation is in one week, I'm not king yet so don't call me that."  
"I need to know your intentions with her!" Zevran was shocked, unable to hide his facade.

"Why do you want to know that?"

"I need to know. I love her, and you claim to do the same. Or was that an act you put on to get her in bed?!"  
"That's none of your business is it?" He responded, his anger swelling.

"It is my business!" Alistair closed in on him.

"How?" Clearly not intimidated. Zevran stood still, crossing his arms.

"Because I love her, and I can offer her a life of comfort if she would marry me. I can give our child a future!" Alistair's voice was livid.

"Oh, so you are her shiny knight, coming to save the day? Because after all the trials she have endured, she can't possibly take care of a child, can she?" He mocked him.

"Damn it Zevran! You know what I mean."  
"No, I do not." his voice was cold.

Alistair sighed, "If you love her. Stay away from her!"  
"How does that make sense?" Zevran hissed.

"Think about it, what life can you offer her?"  
Zevran stood numb, it was harder to maintain his face neutral.

"That is none of your concern..." He said turning away from him.

"Hey! She said she forgave me, that she wanted me!"  
Zevran stopped dead and faced Alistair.

"What?"

"The last night in Redcliffe. She came to my room. The first time she apologized for her behavior. But she came back in the middle of the night. She pleaded to me, saying how much she wanted me and I granted her that."

"That's not possible..."

"it was!"

"No," Zevran clenched his fists. "She was with me that night Alistair."  
"That can't be!"

"Oh, I assure you it is."

The both men looked at each other in confusion.

"She couldn't have been in two places at once!" Alistair spat out.

Sarcastically Zevran smirked, "How very clever."

"I think we need to talk to her." Alistair turned and walked back to the palace.

Zevran stood still.

_Think about it, what life can you offer her?_

He heard Alistair's words echoing in his mind. Hating to admit it, he was right.

_Get a grip, Zevran!_

He couldn't get a grip. If he would push her away he would never touch her again. Never kiss her. Never feeling her warmth against his. She would never know how much he longed to...just to be with her.

_Stop playing these mind games with yourself!_

_I can't..._

_He is speaking the truth. What can you offer her? Its his child, not yours._

Now his own mind decided to be devious with him. Ironically it was Diana's voice, or voices as well. He felt like she took control over his brain, as he struggled with himself. He suddenly had a urge to kill things, just to not think of anything. He cursed himself for being such a mind-wrecking love fool. Then again, he wouldn't have been feeling like a person if he hadn't had met her. She opened his eyes to embrace the world. It also came along with feelings he didn't want to have. He kicked the nearby barrel, and leaned against the nearby wall.

_I hate this!_

_Get over yourself, you pathetic fool!_

_I can't be without her now...even after that._

_Then you are selfish._

He went back to the palace, while having an inner war going on in his head. Sighing, he felt a headache emerging. Rubbing his temples, he bumped into Fergus.

"Oh, Hi again. I just wanted to thank you for taking me here."  
Zevran didn't care about being formal, and just grunted as a response.

"My sister is talking to the king for the moment." Zevran passed him and went up to her room. Not caring to knock he opened the door. He walked in on a fiery conversation;  
"What?"  
"How can you not remember?"  
"I remember saying sorry to your ass, and then going to my room where Zevran joined me. I was with him that night, not you!"

"then who the fuck was it? It clearly looked like you! Also _she_ knew what to say to me to get me in bed!"  
"It wasn't me. It had to be a goddamn good witch if she...." She broke off and looked horrified for a second.

"What is it?" Alistair asked.

"Morrigan." her voice was not louder then a whisper.

Alistair let out a bitter laugh, "I think I would remember if that bitch came in my room..."  
"She offered a way out. For us, it involved blood magic, and I declined."

"Really?" the templar didn't sound convinced at all.

"Just get out Alistair!" She suddenly yelped.

"I need to think."  
He brushed against Zevran as he angrily stomped out of the room. The assassin was leaving as well.

"Don leave," she said hoarsely.

He obliged and closed the door and took a few steps in the room. She was still standing with her back turned against him.

He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. Her slim, white robe was shaping her body perfectly. Too perfect. He tried temper down his passion for her, having a extremely hard time doing so. Finally she turned.

"It has to be her."

"How? You declined her ritual, did you not?"  
"Yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean she gave up! I saw her shapeshift and fly out the window. Maybe that was to deceive us, to not thinking she would...She has access to many potions. I bet we didn't know all of them. She could easily lure Alistair into thinking it was me, somehow."

She turned again, clearly lost in her own thought. Resisting the urge just to go to her was overwhelming. His pulse was raising so did his heart, with desire. There was another feeling, fear?

_Now that's just hilarious. Fear from what then?_

_That you can never be with her not even if you both want it._

_That's not true._

_Oh really? Can you see yourself being the uncle for their child when it will arrive in the world. She's bound to start caring about the king at some point, if not involving love..._

Being lost in his thoughts he hadn't noticed Diana only standing a few inches from him.

"Hello? Been trying to get your attention here!" wavering her hand in front of Zevran.

"Yes, yes, sorry, pet. What were you saying?" he mumbled, trying not to look at her.  
"That I think this is Morrigan's doing. Its the only logical explanation. She tricked him, got pregnant, and I survived."

"I don't recall seeing the witch during the battle."  
"Maybe she was in some shapeshift form, or something. I don't know..." She looked extremely worried. She continued:

"If this is the case that means she has the arch demon soul in her belly at the moment." Her body was shaking. Zevran wanted to hug her but remained still.

"we need to find her!"

"I have a feeling if she does not want to be found, she won't be." Zevran coldly said. His headache was getting worse, and he wanted to leave so he could go to bed.

"You don't care at all do you?" she got closer to him. Zevran could even feel her warmth emanating on him.

_Of course I care!_

"What do you mean, my dear?"

"About everything! You...you just left me! Then you come back, being very strange. Why?"

So she switched the subject.

"I needed to clear my mind, pet."

"Really?" She got even closer, so close he could smell her. A jolt went through his spine.

He tried to say something but nothing came out. She was close, to close. She softly brushed his arm with her fingertips. He needed to get away from her touch, he started to move towards the door, she had already passed him and was standing against the door, preventing him from getting out.

"You are not going anywhere until you explain why you are like you are!" she stared defiantly in his eyes. Maker, she's beautiful.

_Lie to her._

_I can't lie..._

_Suit yourself!_

"I'm waiting Zevran!"  
"How am I?"  
"what?"  
"You say that I have changed. How so?"

Her eyes widened, not really grasping what he said.

"You've become a coldhearted son of a bitch!"

"you know what I am. It was foolish of you to think I have changed."  
Her cheeks were flaming red, with a hurt voice,

"I know, so what you have said to me after...was it all a lie?" Her eyes were glimmering red. Zevran felt an aching pain in his heart as he replied in a low, frosty voice;

"I was just very persuasive. I got what I wanted. You got your comfort. Why having these complains?"  
She just looked like she had been slapped.

"I...' she stutters 'thought I meant more to you."

"No."  
_Lies, all lies._

"It just had to stop now when we found out you were with child."  
_Keep your mask up! Don't flinch or it will be for nothing!_

"I don't believe you." She whispered. Tears were running down her cheeks. He hated having to hurt her.

_Is this for the best?  
Yes, if you don't hurt her now, you are only pro-longing something that can never be._

_How is that?_

_You said once yourself. You can't live on a farm, with her and raise children. Now she is with child, and its not yours. You are still an assassin. You can't be with her._

"Believe what you wish, princess. It has been...entertaining." he got past her, when he opened the door, he felt that she throw something at him. Rubbing his head and looking down on the ground, he saw a glimmering earring. He picked it up and looked at her.

"Why did you give that then? If I meant nothing to you." Her voice trembling with rage.

He felt like she had just hit him hard in the head.

Keeping his voice low and distant.

"All part of the plan, my dear." He smiled, clutching his hands, hated himself more with every step he took further away from her. Feeling dampness on his cheeks, he hadn't even noticed it. Zevran slammed the door to his room and wiped his eyes.

_It was for the best!  
Shut up!  
Did you just tell your own mind to shut up?_

_I probably lost the only thing that was worth living for..._

_Don't talk like a tragic hero. Being here however its not going to help you or her._

He punched his fist in the wall. He laid himself down on his bed, just wanting to sleep it all away.


	19. The Commander

**AN: Just wanted to say thanks for all the reviews. I'm honored that you take your time to actually write. So yeh, thank you :) Also thanks to people that put the story in their alerts and favorites, I get so very happy when I see that you do. And oh, I think this is the longest chapter yet. Hope you will still enjoy!**

Diana was surveying the crowd. The people were greeting the new king and she was satisfied just being in the back, leaning against the stone wall, with her Warden armor. She had even yelled at the servant that tried to convince her to put on the dress. It was good to be back in metal, it felt like it protected her mentally like it did physically. The past week passed by very quickly. Of course she had been mostly in her room, crying, or being with her brother, telling him stories about her journey. She left out Zevran and the _experience_ she endured in Fort Drakon. Her brother had been pestering her every day, which she didn't mind since she missed her family horribly, she got annoyed though when he persisted about her relationship with the assassin. Andraste's flaming sword, that man has the eyes of an eagle. The people were happy at least. The city was almost fixed, looking better then it did before the onslaught. It was almost like the Blight had never happened.

She hadn't utter a word about him. Not talking about him made the pain in her heart ease a little, just a little though. Diana still didn't believe him, her mind was still in a denial. She hadn't seen him though after their fight, or how she wanted to call it, breaking-her-heart-into-pieces-and-step-on-it conversation. But she won't give up that easily. If he would say those things again and she would feel that he meant it then she would go away silently like pathetic child that can't get candy, and mourn for the loss of love.

That was not the only thing bothering her at the moment;

The back of her mind was still nagging at her about Morrigan's possible trick. She couldn't prove it but it must be...How else could Alistair seen her in his room that night, if he wasn't drunk and dreamed all that. She got word that the Orlesian Wardens should be arriving in two weeks. Should she mention what Morrigan proposed and also saying that she might have succeeded? Hopefully she will be in better shape when she meet them. Probably not since her hormonal level was getting worse.

The nausea had been increasing and she haven't been feeling well at all these past couple of days. She saw her brother having the time of his life, drinking with Alistair. The coronation had been over quickly and the formal festivities was taking place. The two men looked like they have really bonded. She was scouting the place, trying to look for the one person she shouldn't be wasting time on, at least not for now. But she found him, and felt her entire core was instantly filled with jealousy and anger. Zevran was standing on the other side, with a girl. Brunette and pretty. He was playing with her hair, and whispering in her ear which made the girl giggle. Diana grasped her glass and crushed it. How can he do this, publically even? He really had no feelings for her, did he? That hurt so much it felt like it impaled her heart. She just wanted to go away, run from this place. She saw his amber eyes piercing her.

_The nerve! How dare he?!_

So many emotions very going through her body. He took the girl by the hand and led her out of the palace. Diana thanked herself for the little dignity she had left, that she didn't run out after him. Images were flickering through her mind what he would be doing with that girl in the coming minutes. Her heart was pounding and nothing helped. She felt the sweet cover her body. She couldn't focus anymore, and felt herself swaying. Her heart crying in agony.  
_Stop it Diana, don't let the jealousy drive you mad! He's not worth it!_  
She fought back the tears and for the first time in many she won the battle. She took a few deep breaths and she could focus again. Trusting on the most reliable emotion, anger!  
_How can he do that? How dare he do that? Was she just a piece of shit for him? Didn't anything they did together mean anything to him_...think of something else, which was now easy as she felt nauseous.

Diana clutched her still flat belly. She has at least accepted the fact that she was going to have a child. Maybe it will be good for her, at least the child won't reject her and dump her for the dirt to fill. Diana glanced at the father of her baby and was convinced that she would have good life with him as long as he didn't expect her to...love him. A life without love is horrifying, empty, but she will love her child, maybe it will be enough for her, and who says she won't maybe fall in love with Alistair? Diana always hoped that she would not settle down after this, but having the baby changed her perspective. If she was going to settle down, why not do it with the man that loves her, and who is the father. Someone that couldn't hurt her, because she wouldn't love him. She couldn't care less that he was king, that was not important but was not ready to tell him though. Not yet in any case.

She felt a lot of eyes set on her, well they had been calling her '_The hero of Ferelden_', bah she hated having that title. Alistair was the one started to call her that, she would punish him later for that one! Diana felt like she really didn't deserve it, the people that did, was gone to dust...The only time she had been outside the city was for the funeral and now people could get a good look at her. They were not shy with their eyes, but afraid to actually go near her.

Diana decided to take a walk, trying to sneak out. But of course her brother stopped her.

"And where do you think you are going my sweet sister?" He smiled, pulling her towards him.

"I'm going for a walk."

"Tsk, here I thought I could spend some more time with you."

"You have been on my arse the entire week, you know," she said smirking at him.

"Well, is it so strange? You are the only bloody family I have left." Sadness filling his voice.

"I know. I will be back shortly. I just need to get some air, clear my head a bit."  
"That could be good," he agreed, "I hear pregnant ladies are horrifying to be near if you don't let proceed with their wishes. Ow!" she punched him on the shoulder. "Haha, very funny! At any rate, I will be back soon."  
"Don't be gone to long."  
"Well, go enjoy your drinks with our king then." She waved and sneaked out of the palace.

Standing in the gardens, she sighed. The cool night breeze was going through her hair, as she wandered to to sit on the side of the fountain. While playing with the water like a five-year old, she realized that she hadn't gotten a good night sleep since the archdemon's defeat. Though she did have problems before with the demon talking in her head, but somehow the nightmares were increasing and getting worse. Something she couldn't understand, shouldn't it be less dreams now when the Old God was dead? She could ask the Orlesians about that to when they get here. Maybe she is just easily affected, or it was Morrigan...if she was right. She couldn't get that out of her head.

Her mind went back to Zevran, and unconsciously her hand was caressing her earlobe were his earring used to be. Wondering what he was doing with that whore? Making sweet love? Playing with her mind like he did with Diana's. She closed her eyes and laid herself on the side of the fountain, and before she knew it, tiredness engulfed her and overwhelmed the jealousy that ignited once more.

Diana woke up by being carried by someone. She recognized where they were headed. To her room, she mumbled something unaudible, and couldn't see who was carrying her.

The man opened her room and laid her down on the bed. She opened her eyes and saw it was Alistair, he was wearing his noble clothing this time. He unbuckled her armor, being in her dazed state, she didn't protest. And she wasn't stupid enough to not wear anything underneath her armor, also Alistair would never take advantage of her.

"Alistair.." she cracked.

He had taken away all of her armor pieces and put it on the stand in the far corner of the room. He stood still for a moment, with his back turned against her, pondering what to do next. She was lying on top of the ruby cover, and started to shiver. It was pretty cold in the night, and the fire place was not lit. She tried to yell, but didn't have the strength to, even less to actually move. Alistair turned and his face was in shock when he saw her trembling.

"Oh my goodness, I'm sorry Diana." he rushed to her side, and helped tucking her under the covers. He then hurried outside and brought in a servant that lit the fire in less then one minute.  
"Wow, that's the fastest one I've ever seen that wasn't lit by magic." he chuckled as the servant left.

He was poking in the fire with the metal fork for a little while to get it going.

Diana started to feel warm, and made herself comfortable. She turned slowly on her side. Alistair sat next to her, thankfully he was not touching her. She longed for company, she missed one in particular, a body belonging to a certain elf.

Suddenly his hand was caressing her through her long, blonde hair. Alistair smiled at her.

"What are you doing Alistair?" She asked in a weak tone, he just hushed her. He was very tender with his movements, and Diana started to feel uncomfortable.  
"Ali-" he crashed his lips upon hers in a hard kiss. She managed to shove him away with the little force she mustered.

"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely.

"It's fine." She whispered in response.

He got up and walked towards the door, just when he was about to open it, he looked back at her;

"You know what? I'm not sorry!"

Diana raised her eyebrows.

"He treats you like dirt, and what do you do? You cry like a little girl! You're going to be a mother and you should be with me! I would never hurt you like that, ever!" He said lividly.

"I don't love you..." she whispered.

"You can in time," he went back to the side of the bed.

"I promised I could make you the happiest bride alive, didn't I? Let me go through with that vow!"

"Alistair-" He cut across her, "I know you don't love me," grabbing her hands, "I just don't want you to get hurt anymore. I want to be your shelter, if not for me. Think about our child. Don't you want him or her to be with both the parents together?"  
Diana remained silent, hating him for making good points. He leaned closer to her and stared in her green eyes. "I do not expect you to love me. At least not right away. Give it time, and you might. I can wait. I will not put up any boundaries for you. You can still do whatever you wish, go on trips and what ever girls do."  
"We are still Grey Wardens, I can't travel for the excitement any longer and don't forget the child, _our_ child."

He sighed, "I know. Can you at least consider it, being my wife and queen?"

Her heart was pounding, just seeing, remembering Zevran. Well, Alistair won't go away, and she did honestly want to think about it. It would be the best choice...

His caring eyes were still fixed upon hers, she felt heat creeping up her cheeks. Diana gave him a little nod. He smiled and kissed her again, with more care. This time she didn't push him away.

He rolled on top of her in the bed, continuing kissing her with so much warmth, it was nothing like Zevran's kisses but it will do. Diana traced his fingers on his chest, feeling his heart pumping with excitement. He groaned in her neck, and nibbled in her ear, making her gasp, she heard the door open and they stopped. She saw the assassin standing in the door way. His expression was puzzled and hurt. Diana just blinked her eyes once, and saw it replaced by his cocky, arrogant smile. Great, now she was seeing visions. He smirked at both of them.

"I'm glad you found someone to your liking, my dear. I was just wondering if I could borrow one of your cloaks? My lady friend is rather cold and the covers can't suffice her."  
"You can't keep her warm yourself?" Alistair grunted. He was still lying on top of Diana.

"Of course I can. But alas, I've had my fun, and she wished to stay. I won't deny the pleasure of having the woman in my bed. But I won't grant her the satisfaction of my body heat." he let out a little hearty laugh.

"I will return this to you in the morning my dear. You seem to have all the heat you need." He took the cloak from her chair, and before she could protest, he slammed the door shut.

Alistair chuckled, "well that was unexpected," he turned to kiss Diana again, she pushed him away. He looked at her with a confused expression.

"Get out," she said in low voice, filled with anger and sadness.  
"But-"  
"GET OUT!" She yelled with all the force she could muster. Alistair cursed under his breath and left the room.

Panting, Diana was just lying the bed. She couldn't hold it back this time, and the tears came and wet her pillow. The emotions rushing through her was suffocating. What was she thinking? Obviously she wasn't in her right state of mind when Alistair came on to her. And, and, and...Zevran, with another woman was to much. Diana couldn't breathe. She pushed herself so hard in the pillow, and soon, she fell asleep.

*^*

Two weeks had passed and Diana hadn't seen Zevran since he was in her room that night. She heard that he was mostly in the city and come back to his room late in the night. That's at least what the guard said whom was posted at the castle gates. He hadn't tried to go to her, neither she to him. She knows that he wouldn't approve her rushing at him, so she was just waiting for the appropriate time to talk with him. She was now feeling more angry and nauseous then before, well that was a given since she was soon in the middle of her second month pregnancy. And her hormones were lashing out on anyone having the misfortune being near her at those times. Her brother took most of the blows but he only laughed in her face and was taking it lightly. Diana was heading to the throne room, wearing her red silk dress, where Alistair and the Orlesians were waiting for her.

There were four men standing over the big wooden table in the middle of the room. They all reacted to the sound she made when closing the door. She noticed a raven on the window shelf, singing.

"Ah, Diana." Alistair smiled and gesturing her to come closer. The three others men backed a little and looked at her with confusion.

"Is that-?" The elder one asked.  
"Yes, that's Diana. She was the one that killed the archdemon." Alistair interrupted.

The elder man came towards Diana. He was very handsome, tall and has tanned skin. Dark short hair, like a corp. Blue eyes like the sea. He took Diana's hand, and kissed it tenderly.

"Charmed, I'm sure." he said, giving her a little smile. Diana saw Alistair frowning and she giggled.

"I'm David, the Grey Warden Commander from Orlais. I brought with me two newly joined members." he waved at the two men to come closer.

"This is Gareth, he joined our ranks one year ago," he said and the man who was Gareth came close, and bowed. "It's a pleasure meeting you, m'lady." He looked to be about Diana's age. Very childish look, with his blond hair, white skin and bright blue eyes, "and this is Joris. He joined around two years back." The man just crossed his arms, looking at Diana with a boastful expression.

"You look a bit short to have been slaying dragons, _M'lady_. We heard stories about your beauty and courage. I was expecting something more _spectacular_." His piercing brown eyes seemed to have the ability to see through her dress. Diana involuntarily shivered, she hated that look.

"Well, I am who I am – your approval is not needed!" she hissed back at him. He started to laugh.

"Oh, feisty. I'm going to have fun with you." She frowned at him.

"That's enough!" David sneered at him.

"I'm sorry sir." Joris bowed, eyeing her like a fox.

Alistair put his hands on Diana's shoulders, and stood behind her.

"Anyway, we've been talking a bit about-"  
"Get to the point!" She was in no mood for long discussions.  
Apparently the Commander was not used to get pushed around. He cleared his throat.

"Show some more respect." Alistair whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry, sir. I've not been feeling well lately."  
He waved her apology away. "Yes, we've been informed of your..._state._" he gave her the typical disapproving look.

"Let me get to the point. You survived the killing blow of the dragon, which should have ended your life! How?"

"I actually don't know."

The man named Joris sniggered at this.

"I do wish to inform you that it would be in your wisest choice to tell us. We otherwise have means to get the truth if you do not wish to comply to civilized manners."  
"And you should remember where you are, Commander." Alistair said firmly, while he tightened the grip around her shoulders.  
"I'm not afraid of a little child. _She's_ a Grey Warden and with no Commander in Ferelden, I'm the leader over this until such a time a new one is decided. Which means you have no say in this, my king." he bowed politely.

"So let me ask you this once again. How did you survive?" His eyes piercing hers. She stood her ground.

"I do not know, sir!" She said a little more forceful this time.

"You leave us no choice do you?" He eyed her.

"I'm telling the truth!" She almost yelled. Diana did not wish to know what these _means_ he talked about meant.

"Bring in the mages." The Commander told Gareth. He nodded and left the room.

Diana's pulse was rising. Sure, her self-esteem have diminished these past few weeks, but she was not gonna let herself be played like a doll!

"You leave me no choice. My king, do you wish to stay? I would prefer if you should chose to retire since you seem to have personal bounds with this lady."

"I'm not going anywhere." Alistair responded, trying to hide his anger. Diana felt grateful to the man behind her. She had been horrible towards him and still he remained loyal to her.

"Very well." David sighed. "You will have to step away from her and stand back."  
Alistair let go of her, at the same time the door opened and four mages came back accompanied by Gareth. They took out some potions of different color. Diana felt very nervous, she would have chosen the archdemon any day over this. The familiar clogging feeling in her throat was back.

_No, don't be a whimpering girl!_

She took a few breaths and became pretty surprised at herself. She felt strong again, standing on her two feet, that was a feeling she thought was lost since that day with Vaughan.

Her protective templar stood next to the mages. He gave Diana the look I'll-kill-them-before-I-let-anything-happen-to-you. She smiled at him in response.

"So what are you planning to do?" Alistair asked.

"Well we need first of all perform a ritual to see that she is cleaned."  
"Cleaned?"  
"That she has nothing of the archdemon in her. Since she refuses to tell us, we need to find out if she's a risk or not."

"Will this hurt my child?" Diana asked.

"It shouldn't."

"It shouldn't?" Alistair hissed.

"We have never performed this on a pregnant woman. It should not have any effect on it though."  
"I'm not letting you put my child through danger, if you can't know!" She cried.

"We are done here, Commander. We are ready to proceed."

"Very well. Tie her up."  
"WHAT?" Alistair's voice bellowed.

The Commander sighed, "IF she does have the demon inside we have no idea how violent she might get, even under the ritual. It can provoke basic instincts, it is a safety precaution!"

"I'm not letting you do any of the sort to her!" He took Diana's arm, whispering in her ear. "Go!"

She didn't need to be told twice and rushed out of the room. She heard Alistair voice screaming over the Commander angry yelling.

Diana didn't like the Orlesians one bit and feared this was just the beginning. At least she was happy that she kept her moth shut about her suspicions about the apostate mage for now.


	20. Busted

Diana hurried back to her room, feeling sweaty all over her body. That meeting didn't go as well as she hoped. Well, she could understand that they wanted to test her but they could have been more sincere about it. She especially did not like the man called Joris, trying not to think about it, she called for a bath. Waiting for it to get filled, she paced in the hallway.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, my dear." She turned rapidly and almost stumbled in the assassin's arms. "Tsk, tsk, you want a go for old time's sakes? I can comply if you wish." Diana couldn't control herself and slapped him hard on the cheek. All the anger that was boiling within her finally got its release.

Zevran seemed surprised and when he faced her again, she slapped him on the other cheek. "I don't have time for any more assholes!" Diana yelled and when she tried to hit him the third time, he grabbed both her wrists tightly and slammed her against the nearby wall, having her hands on the sides. Feeling his hot breath upon her neck, her pulse was raising at the same speed as the heart. The intimate tingling in her belly escalated. She shuddered, longing to be with him. Bah, she hated how much power he still had over her. His eyes were angry, and he pushed her more into the wall, so their abdomens connected. She whimpered by the sweet feelings.

"Oh, you wish to fight, do you, Warden?"

Diana knew she could easily push him back if she wanted to but didn't. She let him dominate her. But the jealousy got the better of her;

"Don't you have somewhere to be, with a whore maybe? You shouldn't waste your time with silly little me!"

He got even closer to her, and whispered in her ear. Maker, she smelled his leather, at least that was not tainted.

"I'm worn out, but if you have want to tire me further, I would be more then happy to oblige!"

"I hate you!" She hissed back, not meaning it, but it felt good to say it.

He let go of her, leaving her in her desperate need. Still standing close to her, "Do not worry. I won't be staying around for more of your hate." He turned away from her.

_What?_

"What do you mean?" She panted.

"It means I'm planning to head back home. My oath is fulfilled is it not? You have no further need of me and nor I of _you_."

_Gosh, he can really sound cruel_, she thought.

"When and won't the Crows chop you into pieces if you return?" she asked.

"I suspect they might, I do know their ways so I think I have fair chance. The next ship sails in two months. I really do not wish to travel by foot, so you will have to survive in my incredible sexy presence for a bit longer."  
"Oh believe me, I can handle it." She said a bit over-confidant, hiding her craving.

"Yes, I suppose that's true. You have your shiny knight to pick up the pieces I left behind, hm? Tell me pet, is he better? Because I can't recall hearing you screaming his name like you do with mine." he smirked at her. She just realized something.

"Oh, you are actually jealous!"  
Zevran looked shocked.

"Why should I be? I'm content with what I get."  
"Then why do you ask if _I_ am?" She smiled at him, pacing slowly towards him.

He snorted in response and tried to get away from her touch. She walked in front of him and put a hand to his chest. His eyes were flickering, trying to focus anywhere but her. She smiled to herself in triumph and felt cocky.

"You didn't answer."  
"Nor do I feel the need to!" he snapped, trying to get past her. She blocked his way.

"You're going to have to use force to get past me." She said seductively.

His eyebrows raised, "Oh, I should remember. You like it hard!" He grabbed her shoulders, before he could do anything else, she pushed herself against him, connecting their bodies once again. He reacted and shoved her back against the wall. With almost no space between their lips, she felt a jolt, feeling like electricity going through her spine. He groaned when he felt her body against his.

"What game are you playing at?" She asked in a low whisper.

"Game? Everything is a game, my dear." he responded in a growl, closing his eyes.

"Why are you deliberately trying to hurt me?"

Diana noticed sweat on the man's face. She had never seen him sweat before except when they were..., she cut that thought out of her mind, trying to focus. He shifted his position, pushing himself away from her.

"Deliberately? My fair Warden, don't act so surprised."

She slapped herself mentally, what did she expect. Gosh, can she feel more worthless?

He straightened his armor, and did not look at her. Diana couldn't help but notice that he actually looked sad, that was probably her imagination though.

Taking a deep breath, "Zevran. Why did you pretend to actually care for me? And don't give a bullshit answer that you only did it for the sex since we haven't really done it that much, given the circumstances!" She now had him pushed against the opposite wall, with her finger at his chest. She could feel his heart pumping rapidly and hard. He snatched her hand away, his eyes filled with hate for what she had revealed.

"Why-" he interrupted her by hissing in her ear, "Now you know!" and he walked away.

_What? What was that supposed to mean?!_

She stood still trying to comprehend the information handed to her. "You bath is ready, m'lady" the servant said in a tiny voice. "Thank you." She mumbled while going in her room. She took of her dress, and glided in the bath. It was warm and filled with oils. The room had a strong scent of roses. She felt like she was in paradise when being in the water.  
_Now you know_, what could he mean by that? It was a cheap answer though and he got away easily. Bah! She finally had him, and he slipped away. He's leaving as well in two months. She didn't want him to go away, even though after the shit he had put her through. If she could get an honest answer from him then she could accept it, maybe. Diana leaned back, took some water and wet her face.  
Love really, really sucks when it has to be like this.

"I still love you, you bastard." She muttered under her breath.

--

That was close. To close. Zevran panted as he finally made it back to his room. He threw the mirror on the ground and let out a angry yell. He was near of losing himself back there. At least there he could thank himself for being raised in a whore house for the little self-restraint he had.  
_You really are pathetic! A laughing stock for what you once were._

_Shut up._

_You even made that whore laugh in your face, when you couldn't get it up._

_Shut up!_

_Because you care to much about her still, don't you?_

_SHUT UP!_

Zevran hated his mind these days, since some foe impersonating Diana's voice made him confront about his true feelings. He caressed his forehead with his palm, trying to get the sweat away.

_'Now you know', why did you say that? That was kind of obvious._

_It was the best I could come up with!  
Not much for brains, I see._

_Oh sarcasm in my own head. This can't get much better!_

His pulse was still high, and his heart still pumping as if it would break through his chest.

_You do know if you could find a servant or a maiden now that would be willing, you could easily get it over with given your...current state._

_Remind me, how is having sex with strangers helping me?  
Getting over the sexual pleasure of being with her of course!_

_No one can replace her..._

_Psh, you really are weak. What would you do without me?  
Actually getting what I wish. _

_Ouch!_

_I hate you._

_Well I'm sticking around your sorry ass until you are on your way home._

_I'm so thrilled. _Zevran thought bitterly.

He blocked her voice out, and went to bed. He still had her cloak with him. Obviously it was a lie that a girl was in his room that night. He had acted on his impulsions to go to her room which was foolish. Seeing Alistair there kissing her perplexed him. Being a good actor when he wants to be, he lied. The cloak had her rosy scent, he wrapped himself in, smelling the fragrance from her. He had been hurt when he saw her with him, it felt like a lighting striking his heart, but it was by his doing so he shouldn't even get upset. Wasn't it the plan? To hurt her so she could get over him, and in the process hopefully do the same to him. That plan backfired tremendously. He loved her and his need for her was greater then ever. Him hurting her was only causing pain, even if she didn't believe it, both of them suffered.

_Really, stop acting like a drama queen!_ Diana's voice giggled.

_I thought I blocked you out._

_Real nice, and no, I'm in your mind, stupid, you can't just block me out!_

_Apparently._

_Your struggle with your feelings is hilarious._

_I am amused that you find that so._

_Let me ask you this; What do you want?  
You know already that if you are in my mind, do you not?_

_Spell it out for me!_

_I want her! To be with her!_

_And why can't you?_

Zevran sighed, and searched in his pocket for the earring. He held it in front of him, it was really shining.  
_Zeeeevran,_ Diana's voice was singing.

_Because I'm a coward. The thought of giving myself completely to her, stand by it and risk to get hurt in the future._

_And?  
And she's pregnant, she should be with the father of the child. _

_There it is!_

_You are enjoying this to much._

_Yup!_

_  
_He groaned, almost ripping the cloak apart. Seeing her face, laughing and happy. At least in his dreams, he had her, only to himself.

--

She had been summoned to one of the more private chambers in the palace by Alistair. It had been one week since the incident with the other Wardens and she had been by herself mostly, training and meditating. It really helped against her raging hormones and nausea. The king hadn't visited her, she assumed he was busy with his new job, and being with her brother. When she arrived, she inspected the room. It was a dark wooden desk in the middle of it with a wooden chair, a fireplace that was lit in the back of the room, next to the large window, where a raven was sitting. She also noticed two bookcases filled with books and a couch in the corner. Alistair looked outside the window, playing with the bird when she came.  
"I'm happy you came." He sounded exhausted and gestured her to sit on the couch.

"I've been quite busy lately, I'm sorry I haven't visited you." he continued.

"Oh, it's fine, really."

He sat down on the couch, next to her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Oh, me, I feel like a springy chicken!" She chuckled.

"How are you?" She added in a worried tone.

"Oh, me. I feel like I have been drunk the entire week, and now the hang-over kicks in. I have a really bad headache."He answered, while rubbing his temples.

"The Orlesian Wardens and I had a rather nice time yelling at each other. Let's just say I'm no longer a popular ally since I refuse to let them get through with their stupid tests. The Commander won't stand for it obviously, and have already sent a letter regarding us to Weisshaupt where the senior Wardens reside."  
"That letter does not contain anything good about us, does it?"  
"Not really no. I can't care less. They could have hurt our child." He put his hand on her belly, it was still flat.  
"You do know that you can't feel it just yet." She answered his bewilderment.  
He smiled, "The Orlesians are staying at Eamon's estate for the moment."  
"Since you refused to let them go through with the testing, I guess they don't need my presence at all. Do they?"

"If they do, I'll be by your side and I won't let them hurt you!"

"I'm perfectly capable of handling myself you know."

"Yes I know. Anyway other then the Warden business, I have tended to the usual king matters. I'm just grateful that Eamon is by my side for now, before I can handle this like a real leader. I'm so not used to this. It is a real pain sometimes."

"You would do fine without Eamon as well I bet."

He chuckled in response.

"Alistair. I was thinking about Morrigan-"  
"You still on about that?" he sighed.

"Yes, when the child is born. I will go after her. She should have hers pretty soon after me."  
"You have no proof that she actually is pregnant, especially with demon bastard thing."  
"No, but what if I am right?"

"You are in no condition to go after her after your birth. For obvious reasons." He started to sound upset. Diana dropped the subject for now. They sat in silent, just listening to the noise coming from the fire place.

"Have you given my offer any more thoughts?"

Diana's heart skipped a beat, "I'm still thinking about it."  
"If you become queen, they can't touch you!"

"Of course they can, I'm a Grey Warden. That doesn't disappear because of some title!"  
"It did for me apparently. Those Orlesians treated me as the king not as a Warden."

"Still...they consider me a threat at the moment. They won't stop."  
"They would cause a war upon them if they tried hurting the queen. And I have a feeling the Empress does not want that."

"That's true."

"I'm sorry to push you Diana, but I have a lot of pressure from the nobles and Eamon considering this. If you not wish to get married fro whatever reason I need to find a bride, and I would rather stay with you, and our child. You would also need to resign all claims for the throne, since you would have my kid, if I need to chose another woman."  
"What if you would actually like the bride?" She ignored the last part, that was just hilarious.  
"I'm in love with you..." he whispered.

"I'm sorry that you are."  
"And if I would find someone I would actually like while being married to you, I'll just have a secret affair right under your nose." He said happily.

Diana chuckled, "Well, that would work, wouldn't it?"

"And you can be with anyone you like. Have you talked to Zevran?"  
"He's leaving for Antiva in two months." She said abruptly.

Alistair frowned, "really? Well maybe that's for the best. He did hurt you, and he's being an ass towards you. He does not deserve you!"

Diana sat silent. She would still have her free life if she would marry Alistair, it just meant she and her child would be protected. The protection of the baby is vital.

"Alistair," she took a deep breath and exhaled, feeling tingly in her stomach, "I agree."  
He looked at her with shocked eyes.

"Just as you know what it means. I don't do it out of love. I do it for the sake of our child and protection!"

"I do know. Are you sure?"  
"This is what you wanted and you start second-guessing?"  
"Oh right. Sorry. Well um," red color emerging on the cheeks, "I will tell Eamon. He will be pleased." He patted her on the knee before leaving. Diana sat for a few minutes, days, months in the couch. She really couldn't tell the time, just thinking about the decision she had just made.

_It will be good._

_He will take care of the child and not expect anything from me in return._

She pulled back her hair, and left the study. Diana decided to take a walk by the nearby shore. She had just been stuck in the palace. It will do some good to take some fresh air and clear the thoughts.

As she strolled down the city to the lake, she sat down on the sand. It was nice, the sun was shining, feeling the wind blow through her hair. She took of her sandals and pushed her feet in the sand. Even the nausea seems to diminish.

"Well, well. What do we have here? Lost your way, love?"

Diana got up and looked behind her and saw the Orlesian Warden, Joris. He still had his leather armor, very much alike Zevran's, only that he was taller and more muscular.  
"Don't call me love!" she sneered.

"Then what should I call you?" he crossed his arms, and walked closer to her.  
"I think of several names that would suit you." eyeing her up and down. Diana took some steps backwards. He sniggered.

"You can just call me by my name!"  
He pouted, "Now, where's the fun in that?"  
"That's the point! Now if you excuse me!" She walked past him and grabbed her sandals. He grabbed her by the arm and she almost stumbled into him. Diana looked defiantly in his green eyes, he whispered tenderly in her ear which caused goosebumps on her arms;

"You should really tell the truth to the Commander. You aren't going to like what he going to do if he can't get the information. Also let me tell you, that the Wardens couldn't care less that you're pregnant. You can be a danger to all of us and they are going to do all in their power to prevent it to emerge." She snatched her arm back, but was standing still. "I don't know how I survived."  
"Have you ever considered it might have to do with your pregnancy?" he actually sounded sincere.

Diana shook her head.

_It can't be that, can it?_

"And they told me that you were intelligent." There, the self-confidant bastard was back.

"You know what, I have the perfect nickname for you. Shithead!"  
He laughed, "I can take it if I get to call you love." and he turned and started to walk back into the city.

_Men! _

Diana straightened her dress and went back to the palace, to Alistair's bedroom. She laid herself on the bed and waited for his return. The bed felt so nice and soon she fell asleep.

"Diana?" She felt Alistair shaking her shoulder lightly.

"mrrrmhhgh?"

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to talk to you." She mumbled just remembering why she was there.

"Well here I am."

"I took a walk and one of the wardens bumped to me. It was Joris, and um, he warned me about not taking these tests will cause tremendous problems for us."  
"He's just trying to scare you. You saw how he was when you first met him!"  
"No, it's not that. I actually understand. They need to know I'm not dangerous for them. And it would be a relief for all of us to know that I am not."

"What about the baby?"  
"Let's go talk to them. Do you have the time?"

"Yes I do. I still don't think this is a good idea!"  
"Noted." she took his arm and pulled him with her as they headed towards the estate.


	21. Memories

**AN: Apologizes for the slow update. Just wanted to shout out a warning, since Awakening is out tomorrow here in Sweden means that I will probably be glued to my gaming computer for a while. But I will not forget the story it just means I will get a little bit slower updating :) Enjoy!**

Diana and Alistair went to the estate in the afternoon. They didn't have to look long for the Wardens as they were training in the courtyard. Diana actually gasped in amazement. They might be bit peculiar, but Maker, they can fight. They looked perfectly co-ordinated. The both men, Gareth and Joris worked with each other, trying to confuse their leader. Which they succeeded pretty well at. Alistair poked at her, "Diana, seriously, get your hormones under control, will you?" He annoyingly pointed out to her. "Yes, I'm sorry." She mumbled, while her cheeks were flaming red.

They all stopped when they noticed their presence. David wiped the sweat away from his face while approaching the embarrassed Warden and her king.

"My king," he bowed, the tension had not put to rest Diana noticed, as he sounded like a viper.

He ignored her presence, and only stared in Alistair's eyes.

"What bring you here?" the poisonous tone remained.

"I had no wish coming here, it was all her idea." He pointed at Diana.

_Oh, geez, Way to take a stand, Alistair!_

"Oh really?" His eyes narrowed on Diana.

"I thought your stance towards us was pretty clear when you ran out from your superiors." He had the ability to make Diana shrink and feel very petite.

"I apologize."  
He snarled at her, "I expected more from you, based on what I had heard about your bravery. You would have to come face-to-face with us sooner then later."  
"I preferred if I actually came willingly." Her tone was chilly, and she stared boldly in the Commander's eyes.

"It would have not been pretty if you would have forced us." He responded.

"Let's get this over with."  
"Gareth, collect the mages and meet up with us in the throne room. The Warden should be close to her temporarily home just in case." He said. Gareth left and Joris accompanied him.

"After you." David added.

They arrived to the palace and went in the throne room. Diana pressured down her nervosity. It kept increasing but she tried to remain calm. She clutched her belly and thought;  
_Don't worry, you won't get hurt._

huh, that's the first time she had spoken with her child.

Gareth and Joris arrived momentarily with the company of the four mages they brought with them from Orlais. The mages were all hooded and male, they freaked her out even more then necessary, and of course she regretted what she got herself in to. This time she would not run away like a frightened child though. This would happen sooner or later, and she preferred if it happen sooner.

Alistair grabbed her shoulders from behind and held her against his chest;

"At least after this they don't have to worry. The Commander has other business here as well but will not say what it is until he knows we, mostly implying you, then can be trusted. You should heard him go when he yelled I was a fool to trust you."

Alistair chuckled, and she felt a bit more calm.  
"Whatever that will happen Alistair," she said eyeing the mages as they poured their potions into different bowls. "Don't interfere and make it worse. Promise?" He remained silent, and clutched her shoulders more tight.

"Promise?" She said more forceful.  
"Yes, fine. But if you turn into a fiendish ghoul I will say 'I told you so', just so you know."

She forced a smile on her cheeks.

"Thank you." She said, while grabbing his right hand on her shoulder.

"It will be over before you know." He breathed in her ear.

The mages were done with the preparations and the Commander looked at both of them.

"My king, step away from the Warden. Do not under any circumstances interfere the ritual, if you will it can end both your lives." Alistair gave Diana a quick kiss on her cheek and stepped away, standing next to Gareth and Joris.

"I'm sorry, Warden, but your clothes need to be removed."  
Diana shot up her eyes. She did not hear wrong. They can't be serious.

"What? What kind of sick-"  
"Do not question me, girl!" He interrupted sternly.

"Why does she need to remove her clothing?" Alistair asked calmly, but she could notice the anger within.

"Because it's a process of the ritual." he ended the discussion.

"Do not worry, we are gentlemen," Came Joris voice, but his grin was wide, so he was not serious obviously.

Diana sighed, and looked at Alistair. He just shook his head.

"You don't need to do that, Diana."  
"She does, its a pro-"  
"TO HELL WITH THAT!"  
Diana had only heard Alistair scream on a few occasions. Everytime he did, she shivered through her entire spine uncomfortably.

"Alistair, if it is par-" he interrupted her as well.

"THAT'S JUST SICK! DON'T LET THEM DO IT." He took another breath before he continued, "In a matter of fact I forbid it." Alistair guards closed in to their king, and looked threateningly at the Orlesians.

"Don't make it worse what it already is. It's just a body."  
"It's yours." He said, piercing her eyes.

"I don't want to do it either, but it will affect the ritual I will comply. Its sick and twisted but I really want this over with."  
The black raven that had been close to the palace since the siege, flew and sang through out the throne room. They all stared at it for a while. David looked at Diana, "At least you understand."  
"Don't talk to her!" Alistair snapped at him.  
"Does everyone really need to be here?" She asked noticing there was only around twenty men standing in there.

"No." The Commander said. "My men will remain...in case."

that was not comforting at all.  
Alistair nodded his heads towards his guards, and they left the room.

Now there were only the three Wardens, four mages, and the king left. Diana felt really uncomfortable as she removed her clothing. She was only standing there in her small clothes, feeling their eyes looking up and down on her body. Her hands crossed over her chest, and she got reminded of Fort Drakon. She shuddered. It was enough at least, she didn't need to remove her underwear.

The mages approached her with their bowls filled with magical potions and herbs. They painted markings over her body. When they were done with her, they painted a circle around her feet.  
"So how will this work?" She asked, feeling extremely nervous.

"You will know soon enough." Were the mages response.

Oh, she didn't like the sound of that.

They formed a circle around her, and started to chant in a language Diana did not understand. Well for the moment it feels ok. They put a magical barrier around her. The mages kept chanting and she started to sense something building up in her stomach. Something she couldn't explain until it felt like it twisted her insides out. It was one of the worst pains imaginable. She saw wounds ripping up on her body, same wounds from the rape and all the others she got under her journey. More pain, and she screamed her lungs out. It was not just from the wounds that they shred up on the outside, she felt pain on the inside, pain from Fort Drakon. It was like they were searching through her body for any kind of psychical memories. She heard Alistair screaming to someone but it faded away, drowned by her own screams, as they went through her mind, memories for the demon. She tried to shut if off but it was impossible, as the memories felt real like when it had happened. "_You little bitch!"_ Vaughan's voice went through her broken mind, "_Oh you are so tight, slut. I love fucking you. My boys will have a go at you when I'm done_." His laughter echoed through her mind. The memory she fought so hard to conceal. More flashes sprinted through her brain.

She saw her parents, happy and smiling at her, just to get them ripped away from her.

"_One has to to make the final Sacrifice in order to stop the blight_.". Leliana's head getting torn of and Wynne lying stone dead on the ground. _No, please stop it_ was all she could think of as she saw Zevran in her mind, all her feelings just fresh. Her wounds were open, and blood was dripping all over the ground, not to mention all the emotional feelings going through her heart. She wanted to run, to escape, to kill the mages, but she was unable to move. She screamed, as she felt herself collapsing, all the barriers she put up in order to appear the leader, not affording to be weak. The screams turned to stuffed crying. Then she saw something else, something she didn't remember. It was dark, and deep underground. She felt rage and hate, not being able to take it, she tried to think of something else. And suddenly she collapsed on the stone hard floor. She could barely breathe and felt herself doze of in slumber.

*^*

Zevran had been walking in the city, observing as the new Market District was up and running, and actually flowing of business. Being bored after while not founding anything of interest, he went back to the palace. There was a lot of turmoil going on. Servants running with blood drenched towels, back and forth to the throne room. Zevran paced quickly over there and saw big pool of blood on the ground that the servants were cleaning. He grabbed a servant girl, passing him.

"What has happened here?" He asked.

"The warden was hurt. We don't know what happened exactly sir. We just do as we are told."  
"Who?" His heart was racing. It was no small amounts of blood lying on the ground.

"The girl, Diana." he let go and rushed up to Diana's room without thinking. He burst the door open, and saw that no one was there. His fear was raising, as was his heart. He ran up the stairs and went to the king's bedroom. He opened that door and saw her unconsciously on the bed, surrounded by people. He saw Alistair in the corner of the room looking grim, there were three men standing around him, he had never seen them before, but he could already guess who they were from their armor. The wardens from Orlais. As he tried approaching Diana, he heard Alistair's tired tone;  
"Hello Zevran. We are not allowed to go near her."  
Zevran saw her lying there with wounds all over her body, he recognized some of them and couldn't understand how she got so badly wounded.

"What happened?" restraining himself to not rush over to her. His heart hurt to see her like that.

"She...a ritual." Alistair's voice faded.

"What happened?" He asked with a dangerously low voice, facing Alistair.

"She did what he had to do! As what is expected from a Grey Warden!" The man in the middle spoke. He had dark hair and was pretty tall.

"And who are you?" Zevran asked unpolitely.

"I am Commander over the Wardens of Orlais."  
So he was right.

"What did you do to her?" He hissed.  
"I don't have to speak to you about such matters."  
Zevran raged with anger, knowing that it was these men that caused her harm, and in less then a second, he had the Commander pinned against the wall, with his hand tightly at his throat. Obviously he reacted and punched Zevran in the face, making him stagger.

"Stop that immediately!" One of the mages shout.

"Everyone, except the king will leave. We will have no fighting in here."

"We will expect word of her recovery as soon as possible. We have Grey Warden business to tend to. At least we know she is no longer a threat." He said bowing, to Alistair as he and the other Wardens left.

"You, elf! Get out of here to!" Another mage shouted.

Zevran didn't want to leave, not when she was like that.  
"I will play nice so no, I won't leave her." He said firmly.

"If you do anything to cause probl-"  
"I will leave." Zevran finished. He walked and stood next to the king and asked;

"How's the child?" He asked.

"The mages says she's fine."  
Zevran reacted as he saw Alistair faint smile.

"Yes, we are going to have a daughter."  
Zevran forced himself to smile, but felt crestfallen on the inside.  
"Congratulations."  
The mages returned to their healing ignoring his and Alistair's presence .  
"So what ritual was this?" He asked trying to sound neutral as his last conversation with the templar was quite livid.

"They performed a ritual to see if she had anything left from the archdemon in her. I told them that they could screw themselves but of course, they would have done it sooner then later and also said it would be much more unpleasant then it was now."

"They performed a ritual and this happen?" He hissed, pointing at her her bruised body.

Alistair's cheeks went slightly pink as he continued;  
"Well, I don't know what they exactly did since it wall went so fast. I think they made her relive her memories as did her body."  
"Relive? But that mean-"  
"Yes, everything she has been through this year, especially the memories she been trying to suppress is..." his voice faded. They were both thinking the same thing.

Zevran bit his lip, he was angry. That she would relieve her worst nightmares once more thanks to wardens that didn't dare to trust her. Who can't trust Diana? She's the most...

Her screaming interrupted his thoughts. They both looked, seeing her squirm and twitch under the mages. He and Alistair instinctively ran to her side, holding her arms and shoulder, trying to keep her in place.

"NO! GET OFF ME! Please!" She cried.

"Vaughan, please don't to do this...NO!" She screamed. The mages poured a sleeping potion down her throat, and she fell silent back in the bed.

"At least she didn't rip up her wounds." the mage to Zevran's right muttered.

Both he and Alistair stood paralyzed. They knew what had happened that day, but hearing her scream out of fear and shame like this, it was just awful. Zevran felt his heart fill with rage, and he stepped out the room, punching the wall with his bare hand. He saw blood dripping from his knuckles, and then the pain kicked in. He groaned under his breath, and thanked for the effect it had. If the rage remained he would had gone to those Wardens and slit their throats up just for making her this miserable.


	22. Alistair

Another gloomy day passed. Zevran was sitting outside the king's room waiting to hear news about Diana's recovery. The mages had healed the wounds fairly easy this time, since "apparently" the wounds were not as real as her original ones. They had no idea how she was mentally...It felt like he was sitting there for hours, wouldn't be surprised if it were.

Alistair had to leave to meet Eamon and Fergus for a meeting. Updating on the situation, Zevran guessed.

As he was about to leave, the door opened and the mages came out.

"She's fine now. She needs rest and food, but I will guess she can be up and running by tomorrow if her child concedes to it, that is. Though someone should be in there for now. I will inform a servant of the situation so they will bring up food." They left and Zevran stood at the door way. The assassin saw her clearly, lying on her back. She looked like a sleeping angel. He went in and closed the door and pulled the chair in the corner towards the bed and sat down. Entwining his fingers together, he leaned on his elbows on his knees, looking at the woman he loves. She looked peaceful for once.

"You are having a daughter Diana." He whispered, feeling how hard it was to roll of that sentence.

He lightly placed his hand on top of her tummy and rubbed it very softly.

Her tummy was still flat, it was hard to imagine a life was inside there. He did at least thank the fates that if it was anyone's child, that it was Alistair's. The thought if it would have been Vaughan or the guards made Zevran's tummy twist.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there to protect you. I should have fought, we shouldn't have stand down. Then you wouldn't have been dragged there and nothing would have happened..."  
"Don't be Zev." He looked startled at her. She gave him a small smile while she sat up.

"How long have you been awake?" his cheeks turning slightly pink.

"Since you started to rub my tummy."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that, my dear."

"It's fine, really." He could see her eyes glisten.

"Someone will come up with food shortly, so you can regain your strength."  
She just nodded in response.

"Well, we don't want that wonderful bosom to get smaller now do we?" He tried to laugh.

"I wish to be alone, Zevran." She whispered and turned her head away. Zevran could see she was on the verge of crying, and felt guilty. He had also been responsible for part of her suffering.

"As you wish, princess." He walked slowly out of the room, waiting for her to say something. She remained silent, and Zevran left and closed the door behind him.

--

Diana thought about the darkness she saw in her mind in the last part of the ritual. It was ancient, dark and evil. Was that her? Was that where she's becoming? The mages did not see that, and the orlesian Wardens does no longer consider her a threat. So that darkness must have been a part of her and that frighten her. Were all Grey Wardens part of something evil that they didn't know? Riordan did tell her that the Joining gauntlet did contain a drop of the previous archdemon, so maybe she is only imaging things, but she couldn't shake of that cold feeling. No Grey Warden had have children, at least what she knows of, after the joining, could it be affecting her in a way as well? She sighed for thinking such things, and she remembered what happened;

She broke down during this ritual. Her barrier she immediately put up after the rape got torn down and it got ripped to pieces. Her memory was now more fresh then ever before and she was shaking from it. She just wanted to be a good leader, she had no time to be sad, to actually go through with how she was feeling during the Blight. Also she was so ashamed, she didn't dare to talk to anyone because she would probably just start crying and she was afraid she would never stop. At least they were long gone and dead, that gave her some closure to the pain.

Just letting her mind wander back made her vomit mentally.

_Don't think about it! You did such a good job at it before, and it wasn't your fault. It really wasn't! so don't...don't._..the tears came. She brought her knees up to her face and cried. It was nothing she could have done about the situation and still she felt like it was her own damned fault. Diana's body was trembling from fear and shame. Fear that it could happen again, shame for had let it happen in the first place.

_Stop it! It wasn't your fault! It was those bastards and theirs alone. You were the victim so don't think like that, because it wasn't your fault! _Her inner voice was yelling at her.

She just saw them in front of her, the guards malice smile as they touched her body roughly when Vaughan was done with her.

"_Take her boys, she's all yours. And mind you, don't go easy on her!_" Vaughan's sadistic laughter felt as real now as it was then, she uncontrollably trembled, her need for air was getting bigger as she had problems actually grasping for it.  
_STOP IT!_  
She couldn't stop it, her mind shimmered with all the fresh broken up memories. She squeezed her eyes so tight in hope it would go away, it didn't. She started to scream out of anger. She wondered how loud it was since she heard rapid footsteps outside. She kept screaming and she clutched her arms together, trying to make her feel real pain now so she wouldn't have to remember the past ones. The psychical wounds were gone from the ritual but they made her remember the pain she had tried her best to ignore, more then she wanted to. The door blew open and she felt someone touching her.

"NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T!" She couldn't see her attacker, but every touch it made was burning through her skin like fire.  
It tried speaking to her, she couldn't hear the words. She kept fighting, while crying. "NO! YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN! GET OFF ME!" This time she would fight until the end, no one will ever touch her like they did. She rather die then relive the hell she was put through.

The attacker didn't give up, when she tried to see who it was, she only saw Vaughan in front of her. Her heart pounded so hard, that she couldn't breathe.

_No, no, no, no, no, no. Not again, not him. _She was so scared and ashamed, and she tried hitting him for making her feel worth less then anything in the world.  
"TRY TO RAPE ME AGAIN AND I WILL GUT YOU LIKE A PIG! DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN. YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING MAN!"

He spoke to her and smiled mischievously at her, no sound escaped his fiendish lips.  
Diana shivered through her entire core, and with renewed anger, she got more strength to fend of her attacker. She squirmed violently under him, and she managed to punch him in the face. She screamed more when he didn't get off her.  
Diana was covered in her own sweat from fear and she could feel it mix with her tears, and her vision started to get more dizzy and she became weaker.

_NO! NOT EVER AGAIN! NO!_

He was stronger and he said something again that she couldn't hear. She opened her eyes and stared into his black eyes.  
"YOU WON'T HA-" Her voice broke as she felt hot liquid being put in her mouth. He had put a bottle against her lips, while trying to hold her in place. She felt weaker by the second and within seconds she couldn't move her body anymore.

She couldn't yell anymore, and with her stupidly weak and crying voice;  
"You result in potions now to get to have sex with a numb fish huh?"

He didn't say anything, but got of her and sat next to her.  
"Go away! Please, Don't do this again..please.." She whimpered. He turned his disgusting face towards her, and he looked sad.

_What?_

She blinked her eyes, and saw his shape changing. The black eyes turned light brown, and his reddish back slick hair changed to hazel color. She closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath, and opened them again. She couldn't believe it. It was Alistair.

She gasped and shut her mouth with her hand as more tears dripped of her cheeks.

"Alistair..."

He smiled as he realized she was back to normal.

"Hey Diana..."  
She realized that it had been him all this time.

"I'm so sorry..."

"Don't! Really, don't be. I never wanted to talk to you about this seeming like you just wanted to hit me when I was near you during that time, also we had a big fight, and I left you. I never asked how you were after...I should be sorry. I never realized that you were...that's what I get,' He sighed and continued, 'selfish Alistair only think about himself and his duty so he forgets all about the one he should been caring about." His eyes were filled with tears.

Diana sat in silence, she reached out and touch Alistair's shoulder.  
"You don't have to apologize." She whispered. He turned and looked at her with pity in his eyes.

"Stupid question incoming. How are you?"  
"I don't know." She said truthfully. She couldn't put a finger to her feelings running through her.

"I guess that potion was supposed to calm me?"  
"Yes, the mages put some on the bookshelf in case this would happen and they would not be there."

"Smart mages." She smiled.

"I'm tired Alistair. Tired of crying all the time, tired of being miserable, tired on feeling dependent other people." She didn't know that slipped out until it was to late.

"Well, you have been put through a lot during such a short periods. It is only normal."

"I guess." She looked down on her hands.

He cupped her cheek and looked in her eyes.

"Don't consider yourself weak because you are not. You are one hell of a woman."  
"heh..really? I don't feel like one hell of woman. I'm weak and pathetic, and always crying. I can't ev-" He cut across her and wiped her eyes from the dampness.

"You listen to me. Everyone makes mistakes. You made hard choices and you lived them through. You didn't care if someone disagreed with you because of their moral, including me. You are a strong leader. The one we needed to survive the Blight." He grabbed her hands and leaned closer to her;

"When I say that I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. I fell in love with a strong and a amazing woman, just because of who you are. I fell in love with you because you pushed me to become a stronger individual. I fell in love with your kindness that you showed to people in need. Don't ever doubt what you are. You are not weak and pathetic. You have been through more then you should have and you still remained strong. You need to get this out, its only normal but don't ever say that you are something negative because you are not."

She just stared at him and hugged him.

He hug her back, and caressed her head with one hand.

It felt like they sat there forever, Diana couldn't care less. They were just holding each other, she felt so protected in his arms, as she snuggled up closer and laid her head on his shoulder.

"The past always catches up with you, huh?" She said trying to laugh.

"Well, yeh. I think I'm the living proof of that one." Embracing her more tightly. When they pulled away, he kissed her on the forehead and stood up.

"You need some rest for now. Will you join me for dinner?"  
She nodded.

"Great, and before I forget' he handed her a note, 'It's from the Wardens. I will see you soon." And he left the room, giving her a smile before closing the door.

Even if the past had caught up with her, she can't remain here crying like a baby girl. She need to work this through, since she didn't when it had happen. Not only the rape and the deaths of her friends, also the fact that she had been moping since the defeat is about the pregnancy and her elven lover. Best thing to work it through is to return to normal activities.

She still has a duty as a Grey Warden to recruit new members, to scout for more threats.

She made a decision, either she can remain her depressing self, our she can actually shape up and be what she was before the Fort Drakon incident. Still, her heart won't mend just because she had chosen to not stay sad, but it was a hell of start at least.

Zevran didn't love her, and she accepted his choice, well maybe not accepted but there is nothing she could do about it, hell she even forgave him for playing her like he did. She still needed a friend, especially after...If Wynne or Leliana were here, everything would have seem so much lighter.

_Take a deep breath, and don't think about that_. This time she succeeded shutting off her painful memories. Probably thanks to Alistair's pep-talk. She smiled at this.  
She went out of the bed and put on her loose blouse. It covered her body until the knees, and sat at the side of the window looking out over the city.

She heard the door open and saw her brother enter with a servant whom was carrying food.

"My dear little sister." He rushed and hugged her.

"Hi Fergus."

"How are you feeling? Alistair told me what those bastards did and I swear I-"  
"You will do nothing, brother. They did what they had to. I would have done the same if it was reversed positions."  
She gave him that look that ended the conversation.  
"But-"  
"Fergus, don't start please." She chuckled, at her brother's disappointed look.

"I'm glad that you are well. I talked with Alistair, well we talked after he was done shouting how unfairly they treated you and him for that matter. When he did calm down he told me the happy news that you two are engaged." He gave his sister a sinister look.

_Ah, Alistair must have talked to him before going to me._

"I just wanted to congratulate and I think you did a good choice. I know you cared about that elf, but it is better this way. He can't take care of you like Ali-"  
"Don't talk about Zevran like you actually know him. You don't! And yes thank you for wishing me and Alistair well but don't talk about him."

She did still love that bastard even if she had suppressed it deep within her heart. Still she didn't like when people talked about him like that.

Fergus blushed slightly and cleared his throat;  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, you know that. Anyway I cam here to tell you that I'm returning to Highever."  
Diana blinked her eyes, of course she forgot that her brother was the new teyrn.

"There is a lot of work to do, and I need to start on it as soon as possible. I'm leaving tonight, so I wanted to wish you good luck and farewell." He grinned.

"I will come back of course when my niece is born. I wouldn't want to miss that for the world." he said, patting on her knee.

They shared the food that the servant brought in and talked some more. When they were done they hugged each other good-bye and he left the room.

She went back to the bed and saw the note Alistair gave her from the Orlesian Wardens and she opened it;

_Warden!  
We are glad that you are well._

_Your presence is needed tonight for a meeting. Meet us in the king's study after dinner._

_/D_

Wow, they really don't waste time do they? Dinner was soon, so she might as well start to head down, not that she was particularly hungry after her snack with her brother. She opened her wardrobe and took out a loose, long silky blue dress. She cast of her blouse and threw the dress over her head, straightened her hair and left the room.


	23. Funny thing, Love

Diana knocked on the king's study opened the door and saw the four men leaning over something at the desk.  
"...So if they had already reached the Southron Hills when you got here then-" Alistair was saying, but got silent when he heard Diana coming in.

"Warden!" David stepped away from the desk and bowed.

"Despite our unfortunate beginnings, I hope that we could co-operate as fellow wardens."

_With you in charge of course_! Diana thought to herself.

She just nodded and kept her face neutral as she walked closer to the desk.

"We wanted to report this when we got here but since we didn't know your true nature, we waited until we knew."  
"Report what?"  
Alistair cut across David and he said with a grim tone, "Darkspawn attacks."

"Darkspawn? How?"  
"We do not know." Alistair sighed.

"But, aren't they supposed to-"  
"Yes they are Warden. Some of them haven't, and we need to take care of this." David shot in.

Diana felt a flash of anger going through her body, and said coldly;  
"You kept this from us because you couldn't trust us, while in the mean time INNOCENTS died in the hands by the darkspawn!"  
"No one is innocent." Joris shot in.

"So you think everyone deserves to die then? If you value that belief, I will throw you personally to the darkspawns."  
He chuckled, "My, my, you are one little tiger aren't you, princess?"

"Don't talk to her like that." Alistair growled.

"My apologies." He bowed, looking at Diana mischievously.

"Give me one good reason why you didn't tell the king if you didn't trust me at least" Diana said more forcefully, and looked at David.

"We couldn't know if he would tell-"  
She waved her hand in front of his face.

"What did you seriously think I would do, hm?"  
"Don't question what I did, Warden!" He said warningly.

"I'm the Commander in charge!" He said like he thought it settled the matter.

"Innocents died by your stupidity!" She spat out.

He gave her a furious look and bit his lip, and said in a very low voice.

"You better start respecting your elders, girl."  
"I always had a problem with authorities when they can't act according to it." She knew she had way stepped over the line, but she had lost all the respect she had for this Commander, and she seriously couldn't see how he was chosen, and he stepped over the final threshold when keeping darkspawn attacks in secrecy so people had die. Well, she didn't know that for a fact, but darkspawn activity had never involved involving music, dancing and happiness.

He looked as if he was going to hit her. Alistair stepped in between them, and turned against Diana. "We have bigger issue to deal with then yelling at each other, even if I would love a fight between the two of you. By all means, continue after we dealt with this."

"Fine!" Both David and Diana said, glaring at each other over Alistair's body. He took a step aside and just sighed.

"Believe me, this is not over." The Commander snarled.

She backed away, "Wouldn't dream of it!"

Alistair cleared his throat and said;

"Let us return to the task at hand shall we?" He grabbed Diana's arm and pulled her closer, "I know he's an ass, just survive a bit longer and he will go back to Orlais." He breathed in her ear, "Hopefully..."He added. She snatched her arm back and just looked down on the map lying on the desk. Alistair stood next to her and Joris came on her other side. She flinched as he came closer so they were brushing against each other, his armor and her dress, he carefully traced his fingers up her leg, and chuckled at her frightened expression, and no one seemed to notice. She grabbed his hand from behind, and yanked it away. She didn't want to be touched by anyone for the moment except a certain elf, at least by him. She had enough on her mind to work through, she didn't need to feel afraid of those that are supposed to be brothers.

She wondered what the mages had told them when they said she was clear. Had they seen in her mind and told them? She never got the chance to ask, and she didn't want to ask these people about it.  
"So if they had attacked the villages in Southorn Hills, and according to your scouts they will arrive to this little town, close to Brecillian forest." Alistair pointed out.

"Yes, it's not a big group so we should be able to handle it with ease." David muttered, still upset about the Junior Warden.

Alistair massaged his forehead as he continued, "I send a few soldiers with you as you go."  
"Thank you, your majesty. We will leave at daybreak." David finished and gestured to Joris and Gareth to follow him.

"Wait, what about me and Alistair?" Diana asked.

"I thought that was clear. You and the King are staying for obvious reasons." The commander said.

Diana couldn't explain it but she had to go with them. She hadn't been able to fight since the arch demon battle. A fire went through her body, and she wanted to go to the darkspawn. She never felt this kind of blood thirst even during the Blight.

"I'm coming with you." She said sternly.

"What, are you completely insane?" A angry king's voice said.

Her heart was pounding so hard and her clutched fists were shaking from the adrenaline rushing through her body.

"I need to go!" She said through gritted teeth, looking at a very upset king.

"You are not!" He said.

"You don't decide over me." She spat out at him.

"You really want to put our child through this?" He asked.

"It will be fine."

"I can't let you do this." Alistair pleaded.

"I will have these people, your guards, and I will find Zevran to bring him with us. I will be fine. It's not a big attack."  
She would not stay behind, something told her to go there.

Alistair sighed and massaged his nose bridge, looking crestfallen. "Why so you have to be so stubborn?"

"You know the answer to that one. I will meet up with you tomorrow morning then." She said, looking at the Commander. He nodded at her.  
"Still, please." Before he could finish, Diana moved through the three Wardens, and left to find Zevran.

The Orlesians didn't care if she was pregnant or not, and this was the first time, she liked that. Feeling a bit nervous when walking towards Zevran's door, and wondered if he had someone there in with him.

She knocked on the door, and she heard footsteps closing in. The blonde elf opened and stared at her.

"My, what a surprise. A pleasant one, I might add. What-"  
"There are darkspawns a foot. They are close to Brecillian forest. We need your help." She cut across.

"Darkspawn? I thought they head back to the Deep Roads when a Blight is finished."

"Well, we can ask that when we meet them, can't we?" She said sarcastically.

"They attacked a few villages and they are getting closer. It's not a big group according to the scouts."

Zevran showed no emotion in his face, but sounded a bit on the edge, "And you are going?"

"Of course I am."  
"You are pregnant."  
"And?"  
"You should not fight."  
"I'm getting sick and tired of what everyone tells me to do."

"Not only are you with child, you actually are the future queen."  
Diana blinked, how did he know that?  
"The Arl went public with the news yesterday." He answered her confused look.

"Oh." There was a moment of silence.

"I'm happy for you both. It is really for the best."  
"Since when did you care what's for the best for anyone else beside yourself?"

"My fair Warden, that hurt my feelings."

"You don't have much feelings to start with!" She pointed out, feeling angrier by the minute. She thought this was going to be a quick conversation, so that her feelings that she kept under the surface would not be noticed. He flinched at the response and smiled at her, ignoring her comment.

"I would love to help you and kill a few darkspawns but I got word that an earlier ship to Antiva arrived. It leaves in two days, you see. And I fear, if I come with you, I will not have the time to make it."

"But you said. You..two months.." She said confusingly. The world seemed to have come to a halt. She started to tremble, and the surrounding around her seemed to diminish. Not to fall down she leaned against the wooden pillar close to her, while her world just felt like it had been ripped into pieces. _I'm so strong, really._ She thought to herself sarcastically. She never wanted him to leave, but she thought during a two months time, she would have the chance to convince him otherwise. If it is in two days, and if she wanted him to stay, she need to come clean...

"You are alright, my dear?" He stood in front of her.

_How dare he ask me that? Did he expect me to be fine with this?! Oh, he's cruel, he's very, very cruel! _Not holding anything back, she whispered, like prowling tiger before the roar;  
"No, I'm not alright!" She looked into his eyes.

"How can you just leave now, and so quickly after EVERYTHING we been through? I'm not worth anything to you am I? I'm just dirt that got rolled of your shoe when it had pestered you long enough?!" Closing in on him, and her heart was raising by the seconds, "You meant EVERYTHING to me! I thought I DID TO FOR YOU! You seduced me and tricked me. THEN YOU GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING EARRING SHOWING YOUR FUCKING EMOTIONS TOWARDS ME WHICH WAS OF COURSE A FANCY LIE!" She panted and stared with so much anger at him. All the feelings she tried keeping under her control seemed to wash off with every sentence that she said. She needed to say this to get closure with him, she realized. He stood still, his mask was unreadable. He was about to say something.  
"NO! Don't you DARE interrupt me now! YOU DITCHED ME AS SOON THE ARCHDEMON WAS DEAD. Then YOU GET A FUCKING LITTLE WHORE FULFILLING YOUR BASIC NEEDS AS YOU COULD NOT GO TO ME ANY LONGER! RIGHT? Was everything a fucking game to you, Zevran? DID you WANT me to die against the archdemon! SO you wouldn't this pathetic girl running after you! I needed you the most after archdemon. MY FRIENDS DIED AND I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD! DID YOU THINK I WANTED THIS? AND WHEN I NEEDED YOUR SUPPORT YOU RAN AWAY LIKE FUCKING COWARD LEAVING ME IN CONFUSION AND WITH A BROKEN HEART!" Her throat got sore after all her yelling. She had not yelled this long in years, but he broke her down and all she could do was to scream out her hearts misery. He stepped closer to her, she backed, not daring to look in his face any more. "Don't you dare come near me!" She hissed at him. "Diana," "NO, SHUT UP! JUST DON'T TALK WITH ME!" When he spoke her name with such sincerity, her barrier broke down, and tears were running down her cheeks and she collapsed on the cold harsh ground.

"I FUCKING LOVE AND HATE YOU! You were my first...I love you." She buried her face in her hands, crying like a little child. This did not just happened, please let all of this be a dream. The agony in her heart was harsh and cold, and she couldn't grasp air. The clogging in her throat was thick with her crying. She felt two arms suddenly embracing her, and the owners hands reaching for her face. She finally dare to look in the eyes of her guest. His amber eyes glisten and they seemed sad. He cupped her cheeks. Her lack of air made her dizzy. When she had calmed down, she stood up once more, he had let go of her and they stood close to one and other in the hallway. She had to know, whatever the answer is, she will get closure, and there, she can become strong again.

"Do you love me?" She asked, exposing all her vulnerability.

He seemed to be in a struggle with himself, trying to form an sentence.

"It's a very easy question, Zevran." she whimpered, fearing the answer.

"No it is not. I...can't answer that, pet."  
"That means no." she clarified, and backed away.

"So that really means, everything you said, everything we have done, EVERYTHING was a_ GAME_ to you! Admit it, you lied to get me in your bed. You are an evil, disgu-" She got interrupted by his lips crashing upon hers. The jolt in her spine was back and the tingling was intense. They kissed, and he deepened it, penetrating his tongue in her mouth. She moaned in pleasure, as their lips melted together.

She couldn't figure out if he did this to shut her up because that worked fine. Or if this was his way to express his feelings. One thing is for sure, she didn't feel afraid or tense with him. He was probably the only man that can touch her like this. Even if he had hurt her with words. Love is a funny thing is it not?

His hands were on her waist, pulling her close to him, she felt his arousal and it pleased her. She whimpered when he started to kiss her down the neck and bit her shoulder. He pushed Diana against the wall and hoisted her weight so she could wrap her legs around him. He easily got his hands under her dress. He started to kiss her again, she could hear his groaning getting heavier, and more uncontrollable, and more filled with wanting and desire for her. That feeling caused her great pleasure.

He broke the kiss suddenly. She couldn't shake the feeling that he was fighting with himself.

"We shouldn-"  
Diana shut him up by kissing his lips that fit perfectly. She needed this, she needed his touch, it was the only touch she could handle. Her hands were around his shoulders and went up to his hair, caressing it with her fingers, and pushed him against her so he could deepen their kiss even further. She could feel him loosing control over himself as he got more rough, she loved it.

"I want you." She whispered between their kisses. He approved and held her while walking back in his room, with her legs wrapped around him. When they were inside, she got some of her senses back, and pushed him away.  
"I need to know. You always avoid it, tell me the truth...Do you love me?"  
Zevran just looked at her and said, "Why do you think I'm leaving?"  
"To get away from me I suppose?" She said panting.

"Exactly, and why is that, you think?"  
She groaned.

"Stop playing theses games with me, Zev. I know you don't like getting pushed into these things. But I think I deserve an answer after everything that has happened."  
He turned his back towards her.

"Yes...yes, I...you..." Was all she heard. She stepped closer, he didn't move from his spot.

"Let me make it easy for you. Kiss me and stay if you love me, if you don't tell me to leave." She whispered.

"It's not that easy. There are so many other things that-"  
"It won't change what you feel."  
He sighed and faced her.

"You are an evil woman."  
"I got taught from the best." She sniggered.

He took a step closer to her and looked in her eyes, he placed his one hand and cupped her cheek with it. Diana forgot everything outside this room, it was only them. Only him.

His other hand laid gently on her hip, rubbing it with his thumb. She so wanted to feel him, taste him, but didn't move. This was his call and she would leave it up to him.

He took a deep breath and exhaled, and everything vanished, except them when he placed his lips upon hers and he pulled her into a tight embrace. They both had given in to their hearts, everything he had built up or told himself not to feel, was obvious now. She could feel his heat emanating on her, and she felt so light drifting away in ecstasy. Nothing could ruin this, they will have to catch up with reality soon enough. Will they get through it, she wondered. At the moment it felt like it, but time will tell.

**AN: More action inc. in the next chapter =) Sorry for so many "Feelings" Chapter, they were needed, but now I promise to continue more with the plot.**


	24. Recognition

Diana met up the Wardens, the king and the small group of guards the next morning with Zevran by her side. She felt glad, something she hadn't felt for a long time. Last night had been wonderful, everything forgiven and she now knew the truth why he had been acting the way he did. And he wouldn't leave for Antiva he promised. She wanted to believe that, and that nothing would actually ruin this for the moment. Not now. Right now she just wanted to remain a bit happy with him.

Zevran had also placed his earring back in her ear, and been calling her his emerald now during the night.

So yes, she felt wonderful. Alistair looked a bit shocked when he saw them coming together. He didn't make any comments though. And now she had to focus on the attacks, a small part of reality.

"Hey, Zevran." Alistair waved his hand.

Zevran bowed.

"I'm so delighted to get such a satisfactory welcome from the beloved king!"

Alistair just frowned and looked at Diana.

"Diana, I would have hoped you came to your senses now. You are not going are you?" The king had a very hopeful tone in his voice.

She shook her head and he groaned.

"You do know, you can come with us. It will be fun!" She clapped her hands together and jumped like a five year old.

He raised his eyebrows.

"Riiiiiight." He looked at Zevran, "Did you give her something?"  
"Me? But my king, I feel offended! I don't resort to poisons for everything you know." He said in a fake hurt voice.  
David stepped in front of Diana and snarled, "Who are you?" He looked very disapprovingly at the elf.

"He's a friend." Diana said through gritted teeth. The happiness she felt was gone by his tone.

David looked at her and snorted. "You are a friend with an elf?"

"Yes, what's the problem with that?" She turned to face him, daring him to answer.

"My problem is that he is not a warden. He has no business here with you." He was about to say something else but chose to keep silent as he saw Diana's eyes flash with anger.

"I can handle my own business, thank you very much! And believe me, you will want a man like Zevran guarding your back. He was with us during the Blight."

"I'm more in the mood to stab something in his back, but alas, I guess my private fun has to wait." Zevran whispered in her ear, very low. She held back a giggle.

The commander sighed, "Fine. He better be useful." Diana really wanted to wipe of that judging look of his face, as he left and walked to the king and talked about something.  
"So your leader is a racist hm?" Zevran had a sharp tone.

"I always get blessed with the worst idiots imaginable." She said sarcastically.

They went to the armor room, and she found her warden armor glistening on its stand with its daggers. Zevran helped buckling it on.

"I still think it's a bad idea, you should not do this. You should be resting like any pregnant woman."  
"Ah, but I'm not like any other woman." She pointed out, putting on the belt and attached healing potions on it. The armor felt heavy on her shoulders, she wasn't used to it.  
"When was the last time you sparred?" The elf asked as he handed her the daggers.

She shrugged her shoulders. "The archdemon I would guess."

"Even more the reason why you should not go."  
"It will be fine." She said with a angry tone. Zevran walked around and faced her.  
"I will never forgive myself if you come to harm." His amber eyes staring into her deep green ones with concern.

"I won't. Please, this is my choice." She said.

He looked at her and simply nodded and they walked out and met up with the group. She waved Alistair goodbye fast, so he wouldn't try to change her decision, before they headed out the city.

They arrived at Dragon's Peak late in the evening the next day and set up a camp. Diana had spotted a little stream of water leading to a river. She longed to be clean again and took clean trousers and blouse with her. Zevran stood up, but she just shook her head. She wanted to be alone. It wasn't far from the camp and she would be quick, and would be more comfortable to wash herself alone.

She took of her armor and the tunic under it and looked down her body. Still in the middle of the second month, she wondered how long it would take for it to show. At the moment, her tummy looked like it usually did. She stepped in the cold water, and decided very quickly that this was not going to be a long bath and went under the water with her entire body.  
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" She heard sniggering as she had hurriedly came back to the surface, and with fright she saw the Orlesian Warden leaning against the tree close to the streaming water.

"Can you please go away?" She asked shivering, trying to be polite, and put her arms across her chest even though it was covered in the dark light, also being under water. It rapidly got colder and harsh.

"It's a free world is it not?" He asked and sat down next to her pile of clothes.

"I think I actually rather stay." He said teasingly.  
She cursed under her breath, and couldn't stay in the water to long. Sighing, she tried again;  
"Please?"  
"What will I get if I comply?" He asked.

_Nothing, and nothing in your disgusting mind!_

"Maybe my respect." She tried.  
"Why should I care about that?" The Orlesian laughed.

"You fien-"  
"Ah, ah, ah. Don't finish that sentence princess." He said standing up, and he started taking of his leather boots. Diana's eyes widened when she realized what he was planning to do. And nothing was worth him being in the same water as him. She quickly waded to the little beach where her clothes were.  
"Afraid of company are you?" He said, apparently happy with the effect he's having on her.

She was still in the water and he was looking at her with interest, and stopped his attention with the boots. Diana started to feel utterly disgusted how his eyes was looking at her with such intensity. She sighed and got of the water, and faster then he could react, she had already bended down and grabbed her clothes and hurriedly put on her tunic. She was happy that it covered over her behind, and was very angry with the man next to her. He merely chuckled lightly.

_He must be pleased with himself. _She snorted mentally.

He took a step closer to her, which caused her to back into a tree, and he was closer to her then she liked, and she didn't feel that strong or confident in only a tunic.

"Such a fiery little thing." He whispered.

She slapped him with all the might she possessed, which wasn't that much during the time, being icy cold and almost naked. He grabbed her wrist.

"Now, now, that's not very nice." She didn't like the fact that he was very strong, and she tried getting her hand out of his grip, which was a pointless effort. He just laughed and twisted her arm in a way so she bumped against him.

"Let me go!" She was very frustrated now and slightly scared. She didn't want to be touched by him. And why did she feel so weak? She defeated a big flying dragon but can't fend of one guy?

He moved closer to the tree so he had her pinned against it.

"Let's play nicely, princess. You don't have to be afraid." He wasn't touching her in places where she thought he would go now when he had the chance, that didn't help though. He was waiting for her to make a move. Well, he can forget it. She stared defiantly in his big eyes, and he took this as a good sign apparently and bended down to kiss her. That was it. She shoved him away, that was enough to get him to back away and he removed his hand from her wrist. She breathed heavily out of disgust and marched against him and punched him hard in the face. He actually staggered and his grin vanished and got replace with bewilderment.  
"Don't ever touch or come near me again!" She hissed and picked up her clothes and walked quickly back to the camp, not looking back at the man. Zevran looked at her very confusingly and changed his face to anger when she explained the event.

"I should have come with you."  
"He won't do that again after that punch." She said moving inside his tent and put on her trousers. He moved quietly behind her and took her wrist in his hand. It was slightly bruised and his expression was unreadable.  
"Really, Zev. It's fine." She tried to say soothingly, not wanting fights within the group, while being away from Denerim.

"Not to worry, my dear." He whispered, but the look on his face made Diana nervous, like it always did, when she saw that old assassin's charm.

"Can we just go to sleep?" She yawned a bit more exaggerated then usual, to make her point.

He nodded and moved with her onto the bedroll. Her back against his front, and he nuzzled in her neck. Which caused immediate goosebumps. His hand was softly caressing her belly and she fell asleep quicker then usual and didn't have any nightmares for the second time after the archdemon.

She woke up by a loud crash and angry voices. Diana massaged her closed eyelids and wonder what the hell happened. Also, the smell of smoke was heavy and Zevran was not in the tent. It seemed fairly light outside, so she assumed that it was morning. She didn't put on her armor, but attached the belt, and placed her daggers in between the potions and rushed out the tent.

Everything was a mess in the camp, the guards were running around in circles, and some of the tents were on fire and the cauldron's was thrown down and she noticed that most of the supplies that were around them was gone. She saw the Commander yelling out orders to the guards and she rushed to him.

"What happened?"  
"I have no idea. Joris is nowhere to be found. I sent Gareth and the elf to go look for him." He said while pointing out different directions for the single minded humans. Diana tried not to react how he toned the word elf.

"Where are they?"  
"They went on a search around one hour ago, I hope them to be back soon."  
"And what the hell has happened here? Was no one on watch?" She asked horrified.  
"Yes. Ambushed. The dead bodies are already gone, which wasn't much and most of the supplies are gone."  
"Who can have done this?" Diana scouted the camp, looking for visible marks from their attackers.

"Bandits probably. That they took us by surprise will never cease to amaze me. If it was the darkspawns we should have sensed them."

"Commander!" They both turned and saw a bloody Gareth carrying a body in his arms. Diana saw Zevran walking behind him his armor had dots of dark red color, not showing compassion for the man that carried his friend, whatsoever.

Diana rushed to Gareth, and gasped and put her hand on her mouth. The body belonged to Joris. He seemed to have been stabbed several times, what she could see from all the holes that pierced his armor and the coagulated blood. He was dead. She hated the man, but felt a bit of remorse. She actually never wanted him dead. She shot a quick look at Zevran, whom just stood quietly next to Gareth not meeting her eyes, while he put the body of his friend on the ground. The Commander kneeled, and his expression was unreadable as he inspected the dead Warden.

"Joris was a good fighter. He wold not been easy to take by surprise. Where did you find him?" He asked coolly to Gareth.

"By the river, under a tree."

David rolled Joris's body so they could see the back. Both of their eyes widened when they saw the long slash that went from his left shoulder all the way down to the hip. No wonder he was easily overpowered.

"Cowards!" She heard the Commander mutter, his voice filled with anger and sadness.

He stood up, eyeing Joris. "Put him with the dead." He said to Gareth. He seemed shocked.  
"But, Commander. He was a Warden – a Broth-"  
"Put him with the bodies. He is dead and of no use to use any longer." David stomped his foot to escalate his point which shut Gareth up and he carried his friends body along with him.

"He is right. He deserves a proper good bye." Diana hurried to the Commander's side. He stopped and glared sulky at her.

"Wake up! Grey Wardens don't get a proper funeral. They either die here or in the deep roads. No glory funeral is given for anyone except for the ones defeating the Blights!"

"But-"  
"Warden. I'm not in a mood for our disputes." He snapped and left to yell a bit more at the guards.

Diana stood numb, still not really comprehending the events that had happened. Zevran stood next to her.

"Did you do something to him?" She asked, not meeting his surprised eyes.

"Usually I would be glad to take credits for causing someone's death, my dear, but did you see the wounds? I'm not that clumsy when I kill. It would have been a insult to my work! Devastating!"

She sighed and chuckled.

"Of course it would."

After several hours, in the late afternoon, they had fixed the camp and burned the dead. Diana had fixed that she could wear the armor for a long time, without it being to much of a burden for the moment. They left to walk to a small village where they suspected darkspawn activity. It got increased when she sensed them. The smell of dead and smoke got even stronger the longer they marched. As did the screams.

David gestured the little group to be quiet while they hurriedly sprinted to the top of a hill and they could see the village clearly. She spotted around twenty darkspawns about. They saw darkspawn going through the burned down village, killing the remainder males and some of them were dragging some of the living females into a hut, that seemed to have been built by them. That's were the screams came from. Diana was shocked, what shocked her more though was that a feeling in her told her to go down and kill everything down there. And it got stronger and fiercer by the second they were up the hill.

Zevran seemed to notice and grabbed her hand firmly and looked at her. While she was told that darkspawn could sense grey wardens, she never believed that. It was rectified this very moment. The ogre straightened himself and sniffed in the air. And its eyes fixed upon Diana the moment it looked up the hill and it roared. A chilly feeling went through her spine and the adrenaline was pumping heavily. And on top of it, she smiled.


	25. Would you mind if I kill you

**AN: I know, shame on me for such a short update ;o**

**Again, thanks to all the reviews, alerts and favorites. It really keeps me going and happy and it gives fuel to write more. So really, thank you everyone that put their time to write and click things ;)**

**And, I just wanted to give a shout out to Soulmates, by Erynnar. It's a very good story and with a unique plot. If you haven't read it yet, go and do so. You won't regret it :)**

**On with the story then...**

When they had sprinted down the hill, Diana was the fastest one to slice her daggers through a genlock. She pushed him off her, and remained while the rest of the group hurried past her to attack the darkspawns. Zevran stood next to Diana, "GO! Kill things!" She said to him and he hurried of to help the others, while she was set upon the ogre. She smiled while the two of them ran towards each other. The moment she was going to jump it, she stopped dead in her tracks. She could not explain it. Her heart pounded three times faster the normal speed. She tried jumping it but her body held her back. The ogre had stopped to, and that scared her the most, that should not happen. It bended down and stared her in the eyes. Those black little things for eyes seem to register her. Diana had lost all track of her surrounding, all the noise and the environment was gone. The ogre had taken a step towards her, and was but a few inches away from her. It could probably kill her in a blink of an eye, seeming that she was only standing there, unable to do anything. The ogre breathed heavily and foam from it nostrils emerged. Diana tried to take out her dagger and slice of its throat, but couldn't. Instead she took out her hand, stiffened some centimeters from it. It didn't move and she touched the ogre on the cheek. It can't be a mindless creature, she thought, when it was just standing there, obviously knowing what she did and what it is supposed to do. The skin felt so dry and evil, and Diana was stroking it gently, smoothly throughout the rough skin. She heard singing, from where, she could not say, but it was beautiful and soothing.

Her trance got broken when a certain commander grabbed her by the waist form behind away from the creature, and that Zevran used the opportunity to jump the ogre. It was furious though and in it's spite, its armored arm shoved him away like a person brushing of a fly. Zevran flew and landed hard against a tree. Diana screamed, and tried to get out from David's grasp. He let her, while he yelled out "Kill the ogre!" to the men close to it. There was not many darkspawns left, but there were fewer of them.

_Get up, get up, get up, get up! You can't die!_ She ran towards the elf, whom was not moving. She crashed down beside him, and turned him, so she could see his face. He was pale like a ghost and his armor was bended. She leaned in to see if he was still breathing.

Thank the Maker, he's alive.

"Warden!!" She turned and saw the Commander yelling at her, while he got his longsword out from the dead ogre's throat. He and Gareth were the only ones alive and they were surrounded by the remaining darkspawns. Diana looked back at Zevran to reassure she would be back and hurried towards her brothers. She sliced of the head of the genlock whom was standing with its back towards her and went to the side of the Wardens. They stood, formed like a little triangle while the monsters kept circling around them.

How, she wondered. They are supposed to be scattered and stupid. Not organized! Diana tried her best to ignore the song in her head. It was powerful, and while she did kill the darkspawns, she felt remorse for doing so. Remorse....she just realized how sick her fighting had been in this battle. And it was not the good kind of sick. At least though, she could still hold a sword and fight. She had now really woken up, and felt disgusted with herself. Remorse....

She ignored it and the fellow wardens, and hurried back to Zevran. She hated the fact that they did not bring a healer with them. How could they have been so stupid? She detached the healing poultices and poured them down the unconscious assassin.  
_You can't die on me! I won't let you!_

Diana gently started to unbuckle his armor so he could breathe properly. She only took away the chest piece, lifted up his tunic to scan for more wounds. He had bruised stomach, and she gently felt the side for broken bones. And one broken rib. Damn it! She wondered if the dalish are still close by or if they had moved their clan now since the archdemon.

She held him in her arms, and looked up. All the guards were dead, but Gareth seemed to search for survivors. The commander was gone, so she assumed he was in the hut with the females. The village was burnt down and the stench was foul.

"Gareth!" She cried out his name. The blond man looked and hurried to her side. They had never actually talked, but he was the one that had treated her like a sister.

"I need help!" She said, her voice cracking.

Gareth took of Zevran's gauntlets and his boots. And gently he took him in his arms and put him away from the battle under one of the trees.

"This is the best we can do for now." he said neutrally. Diana could understand. He just lost a fellow brother.  
"Will he make it?" She asked, hoping that he had any knowledge about this. And dreaded the answer to be something she didn't want to hear.

"It's two days trip back to Denerim, and we aren't done here. But hopefully he should be...fine." Diana didn't like how Gareth said fine with such insecurity.  
"You might want to find a blanket." He added and left.

She ran back to where they had put down their supplies for the battle, and hurriedly searched for a blanket. When she found one she sprinted back to Zevran and gently covered his body with it. She kissed him on the forehead. "I will be back shortly. My silly silly assassin." She whispered.

She went to the hut where the Commander was. She entered and couldn't believe what she saw.

The women, ten of them she counted, were in chains, and been badly mistreated. Some of them were way worse then others and looked...deformed in some way. Diana had to cover her nose and mouth from the odor of stool, blood and vomit. What have the fiends been doing to these people?

She then had a sudden flashback when she was in chains the last time...She staggered and David caught her.  
"Step up, sister!" This was the first time he called her sister and had true compassionate voice when speaking to her. She nodded and stepped carefully to one of the women, the one closest to her. The woman's hair was dark red and stiff thanks to the dried blood. She was sitting against the wall of the hut, having both feet and hands cuffed. She had a dirty damaged, torn, dress. Diana sat down close, and the girl flinched terribly. "I'm sorry." Diana whispered. This was a bit like a deja vu for her, this was just the even more horrible version. She heard David behind her, and he found the key to the chains.

Since when did the darkspawn use keys?

He was talking to the other women on his side, trying to calm them down. After a moment, he grabbed Diana fiercely by her shoulders and dragged her outside the tent.

"We need to help them-" She tried saying while he swung her like a doll.  
"Did you not feel it?" He hissed under his breath. She frowned.

"Feel what?"

"Some of them, didn't you notice it?" He said again.

He was getting on her nerves, and she wanted to help these women and her lover, not standing here talking cryptically.

"What?"  
"Some of them are changing." His voice wailed off.

Diana yanked her arm back and shook her head. She didn't want to believe it.

"That can't be possible."  
"Not possible?" He almost shouted

"Did you not see them?! Half of them are already dead!" He growled. Diana looked down on the ground.

"We need to help them!" She stubbornly stated, keeping her eyes on the ground.  
"Free them."  
"Did you not hear me? Half of them are dead. They would accept their death now. We can't let them live." He was livid, waving his arms around him.  
Diana now looked at him. She just did not believe what had escaped his lips.

"If you are saying what I think you are saying the-" She tried saying, with her voice steadily raising.

"Don't!" He said, putting his finger roughly on her lips.

"You know as well as I do." He ended it. She turned from him. She could not kill them, no matter how weak, how changing they were. She just couldn't.

"You want to get to Denerim as fast as possible, don't you? For your elf1 That will not be possible if we need to take these women with us."  
She slowly faced him.  
"You mean killing them?"  
"It has to be done!" He yelled at her. She stood there numb-struck by his desire to kill defense less humans. Not desire, but feeling the need to kill them. Would they be better then the darkspawns if she stood by seeing him killing the women. And then it was her, she was selfish as she wanted to get Zevran back as soon as possible to the capital.

"There has to be an another way!"  
"Fine, Fine! I'm your Commander. You are a weak, Warden, it still amazes me how you survived the Blight." He spat out, and stared at her with his red bloody eyes.

"Stay out of this or I will kill you." He turned and went inside. Diana could hear him draw his sword, and the high pitched screams, that one by one got silenced by the blade. She let him...she let him do that, because back in her mind she wanted Zevran to be safe, and that was to a cost of ten innocent women...she let him, how could she? Her parents not to mention Alistair would be deeply disappointed, that's a understatement. She remained stuck in her spot, trembling, realizing what she let come to past. Feeling the grass under her as she collapsed onto the ground.

It might as well had been she that killed them, in cold blood, as she just stood there and let it happen. This was not her, she concluded, she as she knew herself would have fought harder, and not let that come to past. He said some of them were changing, maybe it would have been a release for them, but what about the rest? No matter how she put it, she was a crucial part of this onslaught. And also the ogre, what the hell is wrong her? Something deeply is. She clutched her belly.  
Diana wanted to go home, away from this place, not mention this to anyone. She saw David stepping out of the hut, blood all over his armor and blade, as he wiped it off with the nearest clot piece. He looked at her, his expression unreadable and just left to find Gareth.


	26. Crawling

"_**There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface**_

_**Consuming, confusing**_

_**This lack of self-control I fear**_

_**Is never ending, controlling**_

_**I can't seem to find myself again**_

_**My walls are closing in" - Diana**_

That darkspawn threat was now eliminated, and they haven't heard word of an another, so the small group decided to head back to Denerim. No one spoke of what had happened, in a matter of fact they didn't talk about anything. Diana wanted to shout, to scream at the man, but she was numb, robbed of feeling anything, except the little happiness of closure knowing that her assassin, hopefully by the time they will get back, be safe. She was a selfish bastard, and that hollow feeling of people dying by her hand indirectly was piercing through her heart like a dagger without the edge, so it needed much more force to cause damage. Then it was replaced with nothingness, and she thought back to the battle and wondered. How? How could the ogre let her touch him, and then throw off Zevran with so much anger. The remembrance of the touch from the ogre was still crested in her fingertips, she recalled how it still felt through the tingling.

Everything was wrong, everything was sickening, everything was pointless. She had set out to save the people, not be the one to put an end to their existence. She recalled the nice conversation where she had yelled at David for keeping secrets about this, how she accused him of innocent lives going to waste. How much better was she now? She let it come to past, and he did what he had to. For some reason, now she could understand him, not much, but why he was so cynical, so angry and bossy and most of cautious about pretty much everything. He was right though, she is weak. Had she been that during the Blight? She made tough calls, that no one could do, and suffered greatly. That time in Redcliffe, how she had knocked Isolde unconscious, and robbed her last wish, and stabbed Connor through the heart. Back then, there was no words to describe how empty and repulsed she felt by her action. But it was the quickest way and she had a war to fight.

Now when she thought about it, it was still empty but a different kind. It was empty, since she robbed her emotions to allow to feel. Why did everything seem so much easier then? Now she had no excuse to claim that what she does is for the better. Oh, that time seems so far away, even though the Blight ended about two months ago.

Time flows by so quickly. Diana felt like an old woman being on her deathbed regretting all the bad choices made in life, and asking for forgiveness. The ironic part was that her life was not even over and she would need more then one lifetime to even being near to justify her actions. She didn't even deserve that justification. Grey Warden or no. She didn't even feel the right of bearing that title, much less "the hero of Ferelden"...which she didn't even want in the first place.

Gareth and David helped Diana to build a stretcher with the cloth and wood, so they could place Zevran there. They have waited until the next morning to head back. They reached their original camping spot in Dragon's peak late during the night, it had gone faster, when it was only them. She tried keeping a close eye on Zevran, and when they had settled and eaten, she was just by his side, clutching his hand. He hadn't made any movement, and Diana was to scared to touch his chest, since she did not know how badly he was hurt except the rib. She saw sudden movement in front of her, and David sat in front of her. They stared at each other, none of them were able to say something to the other. Diana's expression had been unchangeable since the slaughter of those women. Their screams, their pleading, the sound of the blade connecting with their flesh and rip it apart, it was all to much. This was to much. And it was not only she that felt it, since the battle, she had been feeling more nauseous then ever before, and almost fainted on several occasions. She didn't consider the reasons, for it seemed obvious. How can she become a good mother, when all she does is out of greed. How can she teach her child to be good to those in need, when she now had failed that call out of her own desire. Black dots clouded her sight, and a feeling all to familiar came. The first reaction of her body was calling out. Water gleamed and she started to cry. She didn't even care that David was sitting there, silently observing her. Her body had been aching for some kind of release and she had nothing to kill, it resorted to what is in her eyes, the weakest appearance of them all. Crying. She hang her head, pulling her knees up to her face, so her figure didn't seem all the more embarrassing. Her hand let go of Zevran's cold touch and covered her face.

"I need to ask you something." She heard David say through her sobbing.

Diana looked up and wiped away the tears. He never asked her something, he just shouted orders. And he sounded caring on top of it. He kept staring in her eyes and bit his lower lip as thinking how he would proceed with this unusual manner.

"In the fight, you seemed trapped in a trance, or however you call it, with the ogre. Why didn't you attack it, and more importantly, why did it not attack you?"

She had wondered that herself and had no answer. Everything to her was confusing.

"I don't know." She said hoarsely, taking her eyes off the man's face.

"_**Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal**_

_**Fear is how I fall**_

_**Confusing what is real" - Diana**_

He gazed at her with puzzlement.

"Darkspawns can't, should, wouldn't do something like that without reason." He whispered, toning his words with a sharp edge.

"I know that very well. I don't know why it happened."  
"Why did you act like you did?"  
She shrugged her shoulders.

"I have no explanation for this, I'm sorry." She finally looked at him back. He seemed lost in his own thoughts and leaned in closer to her.

"The mages said you were clean, I wonder if they were wrong."  
She opened her eyes, and shook her head. There was no way she would go through that experience again.

"I'm not going through that again." She hissed. He just shook his head and tilted it, and looked at Zevran.  
"How is he?" He asked, not pressing the matter further.

"I don't know, I won't know until we arrive in Denerim." She answered and held the assassin's hand once more. He nodded in response. She wondered how he was feeling after all this, and what had happened to Joris.

"How are you?" She kept her eyes to the ground. This was the most civil conversation they had, and it would be more awkward if she looked at him.

"How do you mean?"  
"With Joris and what happened." Without looking at him it was hard to know how he felt about her asking these questios. It was a silent moment and he said sternly;  
"It came to past, nothing could have been done, so there is no point dwelling on the "what ifs" or "only ifs". We will march as soon as the sun will appear. I suggest you will get some sleep." And without further notice, he stood up and walked away. Diana looked how he disappeared in the shadow of his own bedroll.

"_**Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me**_

_**Distracting, reacting**_

_**Against my will I stand beside my own reflection**_

_**It's haunting how I can't seem.**_

_**To find myself again**_

_**My walls are closing in**_

_**I've felt this way before**_

_**So insecure" - Diana**_

It didn't take long for them to start marching again, as David had said. They packed their camp very quickly and Diana got help from Gareth, carrying the assassin on his stretcher. She was worried about him and was pleased to know she would be back this day. She hoped a healer would be nearby. The rest, how she was feeling, was locked up. It had happened near dawn, the dream, that woke her up, sweating and panting. The intense pain that had gone through her stomach, like stabbing knives, and when she tried to move, the pain increased cruelly. Diana gasped for air, as it hurt to draw breath. The dream was worse then all the psychical pain she had endured. It was during the labour, when her baby entered the world it died. Nothing more or less, it died. That thought frighten her more then anything else.

"_**There's something inside me**_

_**That pulls beneath the surface**_

_**Consuming**_

_**Confusing what is real**_

_**This lack of self control I fear**_

_**Is never ending, controlling**_

_**I can't seem to find myself again**_

_**My walls are closing in" - Diana**_

The neared Denerim in the evening. The news of their arrival spread quickly throughout the capital, and the king met up with them with few of his guards not one hour later.

He hugged Diana tightly, it was hard with both their armor rubbing against each other, but she was happy to be hold again. She was close to start crying right there and then with Alistair to comfort her. His guards had helped them with their supplies and brought Zevran to safety in the guest quarters in the palace. He had called his own personal mage counsellor to check on the assassin. David and Gareth headed to their own quarters, not talking to anyone and remained there.

Diana and Alistair was sitting outside Zevran's room, talking. How he was happy that she was safe and nothing was wrong with her or their baby. She agreed, decided to not tell him what had happened during these few nights. And then they talked about the reunion with her and Zevran. Alistair had been confused to say the least, and he looked slightly hurt, but he tried his best not to show it to her. After a few more minutes of talking, the mage had appeared with news. Zevran apparently did not only have a broken rib, his lower back had gotten twisted when he hit that tree. Diana didn't understand. The healer had then looked at her, and said, that Zevran was paralyzed from his waist and down. The hit had gotten two of his vertebrae out of place. There was healing, and it could get mended in time with the right healing and training, but it would take a long time before he could walk again. Trying to ignore the shaking in her legs that was building rapidly in her entire body, she asked if he was alright beside that. He had nodded and said that Zevran was awake, and aware of his condition. He then left, leaving Alistair and Diana numb. She couldn't keep her emotions in check. It was to much, she wanted to see him, but not like this, not to cry right in front of him. Alistair held her and she cried in his arms for all it seemed an eternity.

"_**Crawling in my skin**_

_**These wounds, they will not heal.**_

_**Fear is how I fall**_

_**Confusing what is real."**_

**AN: So yes, I don't know why but I felt the need to put in these lyrics from Crawling – Linkin Park in here. It suited well I thought with the chapter, and I'm sorry if it annoyed anyone, and haha, I said reviews keeps me going and wanting to write more and faster. Well here is the proof would you not say? ;) Fastest update yet! woopido! I get to excited sometimes, damn it, I was supposed to do laundry .**


	27. Nightmares

**AN: I'm so sorry for the long update. But I had a huge writer's block about how to proceed this. And I needed to finish some school work. So I'm sorry if this isn't so well done, I'm so tired, and I really wanted to post a new chapter. So don't be surprised though if I chose to update this. And I did check it through, but hope you won't be disappointed. And thanks for all the people that have added this story to their favorites and alerts. It means a lot to me, since I'm not a experienced writer, it gives courage to write more :) and now on with the story.**

"I think he wants to see you." Alistair whispered through her crying. She pulled apart and hit him playfully in the head.

"Ow, that hurt." He pouted and massaged his head.  
Diana wiped her face and chuckled.

"I knew that brain had be covered by a serious amount of bone, seeming it only has so little to protect." He smiled at Alistair whom grinned.

"Evil woman." He took her hands, "I need to go, will you be alright?" She nodded in response and she was left alone. Courage. She looked at the closed door, not braving herself to open it. Her fingers were brushing the wooden material. A deep breath, and she pushed the door aside and strode in the room. Zevran was lying in the bed, sitting up, leaning against the huge, soft pillows behind him. He gave her a soft grin as she took a chair and sat down next to him.

"Ironic, is it not?" His voice was weak and filled with anger. Diana could tell.

"The mighty and clever Antivan Crow Zevran, met his fate at last. To remain a cripple for the rest of his spiteful life." He continued in the very same voice.

"Zev-" She was cut off.

"They would have a good laugh, it doesn't take much to get rid of someone in this state." It felt like Zevran was more talking to himself then her. He didn't look at her once and she could see hate in his eyes as he gripped the side of his bed more. She had no idea what to say.

"Zevran-" As she tried again, she was interrupted by one of his larger hands descending on her, gripping it tightly so she gasped out of the sharp intake of pain.

"Don't..." he said in such a low hollow voice that made Diana feel so helpless.

"He can heal you, did you not hear that?" She said despite his warning.

"How long? How long do you think it will take?" He said, no candle of hope whatsoever. The same hollowness and anger was there as present as it was just before she uttered her sentence.

"I did listen, my dear Diana. It could take months if I'm lucky. It could take years if I'm not. And I think you should know better then anyone when it comes in the concern about my luck." He whispered, but his words grieved her like it would if he shouted. Maybe it would have been easier if he did.

"So what, you are giving up?" She tried meeting his eyes. He refused that favor and laughed a heartless laugh.

"That does seem the easiest way, does it not?"  
"That's not the Zevran I know. He would fight, to become what he was."  
"Don't you understand? I haven't been what I was since the day that I met you." Diana's heart skip a beat.

"What do you mean by that statement?" Trying to suppress the trembling in her vocal chord.  
"It means I've been a weak person since that day. I got reduced to a castrated assassin, and what for? To stay with one woman." He snorted.  
Diana just noticed how she had been shaking this entire time, and that cold sweat emerged from her palms.

"Do you regret being with me now?" She asked in her confusion.

He didn't answer and kept staring at something in front of him with much effort.

"Not this again, Zev. I can't handle this. I just got you back..." Her voice was betraying her. Her eyes threatened to provoke more tears to fall. She cursed herself for being such a weak person.

"Love is for fools. I was a fool. I see clearly now though what misery it have brought me over all these years. First Rinna, and now you." He looked now in her eyes, she could clearly see his agony in them. "Look at me, this is a consequence of me actually being in love with you!"  
Her heart skipped a beat.

"No. I'm not going to listen to this all over again." Diana stood up and paced towards the door.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you, but you will heal, and I will remain by your side all the way." She slammed the door shut, leaving the assassin in his misery.

He did not mean that, she just shut off what he said. He was upset, as was his right. She would come around when he would let her. He needed some time alone.

***

Five months had passed since the darkspawn attack, they still heard of a few group organizing and formed attacks on villages. Strangely all the villages were close to Denerim. Alistair had put most of the soldiers to stand guard on these locations, fending them off. It had worked, the worst locations had help from David and Gareth. No other Wardens had yet arrived, assuming there was no need to. Diana was not allowed to go after that assault, for several reasons. Number one was that she was pregnant, and her hormones was getting worse. Number two was that David didn't fully trust her after her close contact to the ogre. Not that Diana cared. She didn't want to leave either, since she wanted to be with Zevran.

The assassin however had been in a sulky, bad-tempered mood since they came back from that battle those months ago. He didn't want to see anyone for the first two months, and Diana obeyed his wishes even though all she wanted to do was to be with him. She asked for his progress every day, and she got the same answer for the first two months, which was that he didn't respond and was absent when the healer had been there just allowing him to do the necessary things. And when he finally met her, she was met with the same schatingly manner he had shown her the day the last met, so before they actually talked, she already left in a hurry. She couldn't understand his pain, since everything Zevran was doing was dependent on his swift movements. Without his legs, Diana could understand why he was so upset and angry. Zevran was never the type to actually rely on someone else, which he had to these few months. During the last month though, he had shown progress, he could move his toes, and soon he cold actually move. The healer had given him crutches where he taken his time to just move around the room. She had been so happy when the healer told her this. But he said he wasn't ready for visitors to see him like this, it was a personal request of his part. Her heart sank like a stone dropped in a lake, wondering why he didn't want to see her to tell her of his progress? But the assassin was one of the kind, and she guessed she just had to wait a bit longer. When Diana wasn't worrying about Zevran or trying not to think about that battle, she was mostly with Alistair. He had been a real friend during these months, supportive and calm.

They have decided to get married, or enter the partner-ship like Diana would call it, by the end of this month, so in two weeks. Everything was in turmoil in the palace already, by getting everything into place, and the planning for the dinner and reception. The wedding itself would take place in the throne room. She had pleaded for a quiet ceremony, but Eamon advised strongly against it. The people want to see this union, and see the happy couple giving the vow of being together. She finally conceded, and let everyone plan the ceremony. She wanted to tell Zevran these news before a maid would accidentally say it in his presence. But he had refused to see her still.  
Diana was occupied already by being surrounded by people. Nurses and maidens mostly for the sake of the child. The last three months, her belly had been growing to a size of a canon ball. She was easily frustrated, and in pain mostly. Her entire skin had been hurting, and felt like it was on fire. The nights were the worst, she couldn't sleep, and when she did, nightmares were interrupting it. Every night since Dragon's peak was the same. Nightmares and then wake up in cold sweat and pain. And that godforsaken song that always hymned in her mind! It drove her insane. Her skin had been changing from its milky tone to a more pink one. Diana thought it was because of all her intense scratching, but it didn't make sense.

A sulky Diana entered Alistair's bedroom, slamming the door shut with more force then necessary. He looked up from behind his desk and walked over to her with that goofy smile plastered on his face.  
"So what pleasure do I owe for getting the hormonal witch in my bedroom?" He smiled at her, before pulling her in a long hug before descending to her belly, giving it a quick kiss.

"I can't sleep." She said, that she was tired was clear in her voice. Alistair led her to the the side of the bed, then gazed at her face before taking her small hands in his.  
"Nightmares again?" he asked.

Diana nodded and turned away from him. She couldn't stand to look straight in his eyes. He knew that she had been having bad dreams. But what worried him, which she could see so clearly, was that her dreams was worse then it should be. He wouldn't mention it, he never did.

"I'm so tired, but when I fall asleep, it feel like I'm awake but in another world, filled with darkness and screams. And that song, that exhausting song, its driving me insane." She said, looking down on their entwined hands.

"I'm so scared, Alistair. What if they were right? What if Grey Wardens weren't supposed to have babies? I mean, this is beyond a normal pregnancy, isn't it?"

"Well I wouldn't know. I never been pregnant so I-Ow!" He shut up by her soft slap against his hand. He sighed and sat next to her, placing his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him.

Diana hadn't been touched by anyone for months, last time she had been was with Zevran, five months ago. This was the first time Alistair dared touching her like this. It was comforting to just be held again.

"it will be alright, I wouldn't be surprised if you have a bit rougher time, with well your...I don't really know where I'm going here." Diana chuckled lightly and placed her head on his shoulder. It was unusual to feel his skin, when she was used to the man wearing armor, not a silk tunic.

He placed a kiss on her head, while caressing her back.

"If you have a hard time sleeping, stay here tonight." He whispered. Diana blinked her eyes.

"Oh, don't worry, its nothing like that. I'm worried about you, and about our child. I would feel much safer if you stayed here." He said lightly. Diana didn't need convincing, she hated sleeping alone to be honest. She nodded her head, and she could just feel that Alistair smiled widely at her.

"I'm tired, Alistair." She whispered.

"Let's get some sleep then." She stood up while he fixed the sheets.  
"After you princess." He said with a wicked grin. She rolled her eyes and went in the cold bed, and immediately turned on her side. It was the most comfortable position she knew, surprisingly. She felt that Alistair crawled in after he blew out the candles. He tried chasing out the raven that was sitting stubbornly on the side of the window. He muttered a few curse words when he entered the bed, when he did not succeed. She tensed up a bit, remembering the last time when being in the same bad as he was in Redcliffe when they actually conceived this child. The only light that was seen in the dark room, came from the window, she shivered. She could never handle being cold. She felt a hand over her belly, and Alistair's body coming in contact with hers. He was simply holding her, and caressing her stomach. This was more then enough to make Diana fall asleep.

"Diana, DIANA!" She could feel herself being hold down in the bed. She opened her eyes and saw Alistair was the one holding her tightly. She stopped her harsh movements.  
"Thank Andraste, I never thought you would come to." He mumbled as he slowly let her go. He crawled out of bed and lit the candles, before throwing two of them in the fireplace, it went slowly before the fire burned intensely.

Diana sat up, shaking. "What happened?"

"You were having a seizure of some sort. I never seen anything like it. Did you have a bad dream?" He asked, not looking at her.

"Ye-yes." She couldn't talk normally.

"What the hell is happening to me?" She yelled, causing Alistair to look at her with fright in his eyes.

"I don't know, Diana."  
"I thought that was quite obvious, 'tis not? Of course the silly templar always fails to see what's right under his nose." Came a familiar voice from the window. The both turned their heads in shock when they saw what had transformed from a raven to a human witch. Diana opened her mouth widely, while her heartbeat went from fast to completely erratic. Morrigan was there.


	28. Banter

**AN: Hehe, hope you're glad as I am to have Morrigan back, and don't bash my head in if it isn't in character. And yes, it's a short chapter, but hey a short update is better then nothing right? ;) *updated*, woho, I accidentally saved another version of this chapter, sigh me, so yes, I hope the typos are gone now at least *wink at Erynnar* thank you for pointing it out though otherwise I wouldn't have seen it, hehe :)**

"Oh look what the bird dragged in." She heard Alistair say. The hate and frustration in his voice was very obvious. Diana was in to much shock mixed with so many emotions; anger, sadness, confusion and happiness. So it had exploded to nothingness, and she sat there with her mouth open when seeing the witch. So many questions she wanted to ask.

"Oh, how very clever." The witch snorted in Alistair's direction.  
"Have you ever learned to knock on people's doors, Morrigan? Maybe you haven't heard of it but It's called manners." He growled.

"You would have been the excellent tutor for 'tis purpose, I assume? After all, you showed manners especially to the woman sitting in front of you during the Blight. If I recall correctly, your foolish two-year brain yelled and acted like a child whenever our leader did difficult decisions." She scoffed at him. Even in the room, with the only light coming from the fire place, you could see red color appearing fast on Alistair's cheeks.

"I have missed you so much, Morrigan. Oh, wait. Not!"

"I can assure you, Alistair. The feelings are mutual." The witch responded dryly. "However, I'm not here for you, 'tis should cause immediate happiness on both parts." For the first time, Morrigan looked at her.

Diana looked down on the stone floor immediately, not wanting to meet the witches eyes. When she had pictured the moment of actually meeting her old friend again, this had not been it. Those fantasies, she had been either very angry or very happy. She was stuck in a limbo in between, not really knowing how to feel.

"Hi Morrigan." Her voice was weak and felt very absent, like this was all a dream, even a good one at that, considering what nightmares plagued her during these lonely nights. All she wanted to do was to hug the witch. They had been close before she slept with Zevran. And then she left, Diana regretted how she had handled the situation. Then her mind woke up and glared at her stomach - It was still flat, how could that be? She had been so very certain of her theory about Morrigan.

The with considered her a moment before speaking again.

"I'm sure you figured it out, unlike 'tis foolish templar, have you not?" She noted to Diana's stare, ignoring Alistair's comment about how less stupid he had become.

"I...so many questions." Diana whispered, her voice thin and oddly detached.

She tried to stand up, then the revelation of the shaking legs caved in. Alistair was by her side quicker then the wind, helping her sit down on the bed once again.

"You should sleep." He whispered, while he brushed her curls from her face.

"Who wouldn't want to when you are with them?" Morrigan sniffed disgustingly.

Alistair's eyes closed.  
"Well, you can leave whenever you want to. Please do that." He responded.

"I will not. I need to speak to Diana."  
"Leave or I will mention the resemblance your nose have to that bitch of a mother." He said teasingly.

"You wouldn't dare." Her eyes glaring at the templar.  
"Or would I?" Alistair continued with the same mischievously tone, "You can see it even more now, these past months have added that nice little crookiness your mother had."

Morrigan smiled in the tact of her eyebrows.

"Crookiness? Just when I thought you couldn't be more of an idiot. I'm glad to see I was proven wrong in 'tis matter."

Diana had just been sitting there, quite in shock, but the banter between Alistair and Morrigan brought back so many memories. The good ones, the ones she shared with so many people. Those that were her friends. All those few cherished moments that was found in the midst of darkness and despair. It all went by in flashes in her mind, the light that shone on their grim existence. She started to laugh. The templar and the witch looked at her, both looking dumb by the sudden change. She continued to laugh, when was the last time she did? She couldn't even remember. The last months had been grim and gut-wrenching. It was nice to let go. They both spoke to her, nothing registered in her brain. Then the tears started to flow, in the mixture of choked laughter. Old feelings of loss was back, fresh as it only happened yesterday. Leliana, Wynne...She never said a proper good-bye to Sten. And Oghren had been seen with Felsi, and she hadn't even talked to him. Oh, how could she have forgotten it all? She have been so selfish, and obsessed with her own that she forgot about an old friend. She missed them all, and she cried out. Leliana and Wynne would never come back, and Sten was long gone. Her mabari had gone with him. She trusted Sten with him, he was the one spending the most time with Troy in camp.

She took some deep breaths, and saw Alistair's worried face gazing her. Looking up she could see Morrigan staring in the fireplace with a pensively look. Diana wiped away the tears, and cleared her throat.

"Are you okay, Diana?" The king asked.

She nodded and caressed her belly. The laughing apparently woke the little bugger up. She could feel it.

"Morrigan." She said, standing up with Alistair's help.

"I missed you so much. I'm so sorry for how we grew apart and how I was towards you that night."  
She paused, "I hope you will stay now?" The witch's expression was unreadable but something was flickering in her eyes, it was gone to quick for her to register what it was, and Morrigan gave a small nod.

"I will see you tomorrow then?" Diana asked, "I'm to tired for a long talk now, I'm sorry."  
" If 'tis is your wish, we will talk in the morning then."  
"Morning it is. And oh, Alistair, get our friend a nice, comfortable room?"  
"Do I really have to? Don't you think I can just throw her in the stables. At least its close to nature." Alistair winked.

"Oh, do so, templar and I will make nasty boils appear on a place you won't be to much happy about. Although I don't see why, it's not like you put it to any use." Morrigan chuckled, causing Diana to fake a loud cough to choke a laugh.

"Nice cover up, Diana." Alistair scowled. She smiled back at his tomato red face.

"Oh, I'm so happy to have the apostate back that loves nagging at my self-esteem every chance she gets." He groaned.

"Well, 'tis someone's job to do so. And I wouldn't have it any other way." Alistair fled the room, looking for a servant to get Morrigan away to her own quarters. When it had been done, a quick goodnight was in order and the witch was gone. Diana was sitting on the bed, and saw Alistair appear.

"That was a surprise." He stated.

"Quite." She smiled.

"I miss them all, Alistair. Having Morrigan back is a bliss, I haven't laughed this hard since well, I can't remember."  
"You did also see that she was not pregnant? So what about your theory about that night, since you claim it wasn't you." He said very silently.

"I don't know and frankly I'm to tired to think of it. I'm happy she's back. I thought I was going to be angry and scream, but I can't do that to her, Alistair."

He scoffed, "Well if she makes you happy, at least one of us will be blissful in her bitchy aura."

"Oh, shush, Ali." She whispered, nudging him on the shoulder.

"Let's go back to sleep." She said, crawling clumsy back to her side of the bed.

He looked a bit disappointed but whispered. "Yes, lets." And the lights were out, and Diana fell once victim of cruel nightmares.


	29. Confession

Slowly she woke up early in the morning, feeling weak and tender, she let her legs fall down to the cold stone floor, that caught her attention and brought her back from sleepiness. It must have been a dream, it had at least been a good and funny. This was one she was going to definitely cherish. She heard the capital's daily activities outside the palace. She always forgot that Alistair's room was in the south corner, centered towards the city. Probably on purpose, to feel more connection to his people. She laid back in the bed and closed her eyes again, but couldn't really keep them that way, with the sun's strong light roaming through it. When she finally realized she was not going to be allowed a few more hours of sleep, she reluctantly sat up once more and stood up.

Diana could see the manly figure sleeping in the bed still, he must have taken of his night tunic, because she was shocked when she saw his naked back, not revealing more then half of it, the shading of it also made her noticed that he was still fit even so long after the Blight. Curious. Her hand instinctually went to her belly when looking the father of her child. If she just hadn't been so emotional, she never would have done what she did. It was strange that she was carrying another mans baby, when she loved another. Who completely resents her at the moment. He hadn't even seen the growth, and Diana was afraid that would push him away even more. Zevran had no idea how much she wanted to see him, still after all this. She was just a silly girl, who was in love.

So many times she had felt so disgusted with herself and regretted that night more then ever, but she had accepted it. She remember the first time the baby kicked, that was when the love for it brewed. It became real that very instant, and she stopped hating herself. This was probably the only chance she had of having a child. Even if it wasn't with the man she loved, she would still have it. Alistair had been so kind towards her and when he found out the baby kicked, he almost left all the duties he could to Eamon until he felt it to, which didn't take to long. He already loved it greatly, she could see it in his eyes whenever he was near her.

They have already discussed names, Aurelia if it is a girl, Duncan if it is a boy. She knew Alistair wanted his children, if it was a boy to be named after him. And Duncan was a fine name. She chuckled when she remembered how Alistair laughed that it would be the two Dds or the two Aas, a very strange and simple joke. Then Alistair remembered that the mages told him that they were expecting a girl, so yes, Aurelia would come in the world around two months. Her little girl. The maidens had already prepared Diana's room to be comfortable when the child would be born, and the room next, that was previously a study was changed into a magnificent child room. With small toys and a lovely crib. It still needed to get fixed, but it should be done in two months.

Diana shook her head by thinking all of this and staggered to the wardrobe. She changed from her nightgown to a very comfortable cerulean silk dress, and tried reaching for the door when a loud knock banged at it.  
"You useless excuse for a servant. 'Tis two people were supposed to be up now and being the ignorant little twat you are, you couldn't even succeed at the simplest task." Diana blinked her eyes, it had not been a dream? She grinned and opened the door. A very scared servant was standing there, hovered by tall, dark-haired witch.

"Always the friendly one." She chuckled at Morrigan.

" 'tis wench was not paying attention, and she needed to learn her place." She frowned.  
"I will go outside, do wake up the king when I'm gone." Diana said friendly to the servant whom nodded and disappeared in the room.  
"Idiot." Morrigan sniffed at the door.

"Now, now, Morrigan, be nice. Not everyone can handle your insults." She winked at the last part.

"Have you eaten anything?" Diana asked while they slowly walked in the corridor, basked in sunlight.

"No, nor am I hungry, or feeling the desire to eat."  
"Well, I need to eat something or Alistair will kill me. I am eating for two so..." She smiled and rubbed her belly. She gazed Morrigan's face from the corner of her eyes. She had only seen this similar expression once before and it was the night in Redcliffe. Morrigan looked troubled.

They walked down the stairs and reached the main hall, where the maidens hurried to her side.

"I'm fine." She scowled at all of them, and asked them to do breakfast and to bring it to the gardens. She wasn't allowed to do anything herself anymore, which bothered her. She never was the person to rely on servants, she mostly did the servitude for herself, just like her mother.

The guards hurried towards the western gate door, that led to king's private gardens. It had finally started to look green, since spring was nearing and all the darkspawn stench had been removed.

They walked and sat down on the bench, right next to the fountain, shaped as Andraste.

Nor Diana or Morrigan talked for the first minutes, just looking at the wonderful piece of nature that was slowly growing.

"So why did you come back now Morrigan, after so long?"

" 'tis is the time." She simply said.

"Time for what?"  
"We need to speak...about your child." Diana eyes flickered, a nervous bubble was building up in her belly. Why was she constantly remembered of the event in Redcliffe?

Morrigan stood up and bit her lip.

"Morrigan, you are making me nervous."  
"I'm sorry." Diana's heart skipped a beat, the witch had never apologized before and not so sincerely. Oh, if the apostate actually apologize like this before saying what she needs to say, it was bad.

"Sorry for what?"  
"For being the bringer of yet dark news."

"I need to ask some questions, and if you cherish your life, you would do well to answer them with honesty." She sat down again next to Diana.

"I suppose I don't really have a choice, do I?"  
"Not if you wish to live."

"Start asking then."  
"Has anything strange transpired since the Blight? 'Twould you call abnormal?"  
"I'm still having nightmares, and as you saw last night, so apparently I'm having seizures as well. And there has been another thing."  
Morrigan raised her eyebrows.

"I really don't know how to say this, but it appears that some of the darkspawn are still active, and I was with the wardens from Orlais and Zevran. When we attacked them, I was caught in a trance with the ogre. It didn't attack me neither did I." Diana's voice was meek, realizing now when she told Morrigan of all this, how many strange things that had occurred.  
" 'tis as I suspected." The witch whispered.

Now Diana's heart was pounding so fast and hard, she could even hear it in her ears, and her stomach started to hurt by all this.

"I do have what you people call it, confession to make." Morrigan paused before continuing;

"When I left that night in Redcliffe, I never did. In the night I flew back and walked in your room, only to find you and the assassin sleeping entwined with each other. Eurgh, that particularly memory makes me want to vomit."  
"And?" Diana couldn't breathe, somehow she knew what would be coming next.

"I took some hairs from your head and put in a potion that would allow me to become you, I also had a potion for him to make Alistair hm, more accessible."

"You went to Alistair's room and let him think it was me? And had sex?" Diana whispered.

"Yes, very much so."

"But..."  
"I couldn't accept your answer, so I did it on my own. Surely this can't be a shock to you?"  
Diana looked at her flat stomach.  
"How is that possible?"  
"Your child's essence ruined it for me."

"What?"

"I thought you would have realized by now. You didn't die that night, because I did perform my ritual, and was close to your battle."  
Diana looked at her...her heartbeat was erratic and sweat was forming on her palms and forehead.

She couldn't believe it, she hold up a hand to silence Morrigan.  
"You mean, your plan backfired?"  
"you could say that, the essence of the dragon should had been lured to my child, but since you were carrying one at the same time, it got drawn to yours. 'I would guess the reasons 'twould be that yours were older and you were closer."  
"B-bu-but-but you sa-said that yours would re-remain unharmed at the ear-early stage." Diana couldn't really form a sentence properly.

"Yes."

Diana was trembling, she couldn't focus. This was another bad dream, this can't be true! So many things she needed to know. She couldn't see and the last thing she remembered was being carried by Alistair back to her room.


	30. Turn of Tides

**AN: So this is the last chapter but from Alistair's and Zevran's perspective. I have mostly focused on Diana, so I wanted to make a chapter from their POV. Hope you don't mind, because I thought it was necessary. Plus I love getting Zevran back one way or another. I just wanted to say thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and new favorites added. I know I've said this soooo many times over, but gosh darn it, I say it again. I really appreciate and get so happy when I see my inbox with alerts, favorites and reviews. And I'm sorry sometimes if make typos, grammatical errors. I do try my best, and sometimes I fail to see these mistakes. But anyway, what I wanted to say is that it really makes me happy when I see response to my story. :)**

Alistair woke up by the servant. His head felt groggy and he blinked several times before he came to his senses. He noticed quickly that Diana was gone, and he thought he was probably with Morrigan, the apostate bitch, he scowled to himself.

A big yawn and he stood up. He sent the servant away after he got the set of clothes he was supposed to wear. He felt like he was five again, even though he was sleeping in the stables, some servant had always put clothes right next to him every day when he woke up. He felt the fabric, and frowned. He really couldn't wait until he was back in his armor again. Right, he had forgotten the big meeting he was supposed to have with Eamon and some of the other nobles concerning the darkspawn threat and the marriage.

He needed to send messengers to Orlais, concerning the threat. Even if he hated to admit it, they needed more Wardens there darkspawn had been relatively small in numbers but somehow they kept coming and being aggressive. He knew Diana had been quite occupied with other matters, and since he's no longer one, he did not have the right to perform the joining anymore. All this recent activities was bothering him more then it should, or maybe not. He should be focused on the marriage and soon to his baby girl entering the world. Aurelia.

Alistair smiled at this. He would love and cherish the child, and give it everything he didn't have. He could imagine how spoiled she would be in future years. He wondered how she would be, she would most certainly get her beauty from her mother, and her wisdom. He could picture their future, where there were no darkspawn threats, and that he was not that much needed so he could spend most of his time with his daughter. Alistair wanted nothing else, then to be with her and her mother. Diana, he never stopped loving her, he always did fancy her as well from the very start. He wondered if she would ever return the feelings? If they had never met Zevran, maybe everything would have been different. He would never understand her feelings for him. He has not been particularly nice to her, neither allowing her to see him, and he broke her heart deeply on two occasions if he recalls correctly, and yet he claims to love her?

The very thought was absurd. Alistair would never hurt her like that. He hated the assassin with every fibre of his being for causing Diana pain, and she would never allow Alistair to comfort her like he did the night their daughter was conceived. He had been hurt by the fact of being used, but he couldn't get that night out of his head. Her touch, her kisses, her soft skin connecting with his. He would do anything for that again, hopefully, she might come to love him with their child. They had shared one moment of true happiness when he finally could feel their child kick. A loving family was all Alistair ever wanted, especially for his child. He wanted it be raised with both a mother and a father.

Alistair had time to call for a bath, and after scrubbing and cleaning himself, he got up. He put on the clothes and hoped to meet Diana without Morrigan hopefully after his meeting with Eamon.

He was still not used to people bowing down to him, and felt very awkward with the fact that they would do everything for his bidding as he walked to the other side of the palace. He opened the door to his council chamber, a big opal shaped room, with paintings from Amaranthine, Andraste and Ferelden hanging.

The sunlight reflected from the windows filled them with passion and brought the drawings to life in Alistair's meaning. The chamber was already occupied with Eamon and Wulff. The letter had been written and sent about the darkspawns to the Empress, and It didn't take long until the doors opened up again, and Alistair's eyes widened at the sight seeing the bloody Orlesian commander, David standing before him. He had blood dripping from his armor and the only two words coming out from him until he collapsed was;

"Warden...danger." They had immediately gotten him to his quarters and had him treated under Alistair's healer's supervision. Zevran had been doing fine these couple of weeks, he had been told, so he didn't feel bad about taking the healer from him. When he and several others, among them Wulff and Eamon was waiting to hear anything, he got interrupted from a servant that Diana had collapsed in the gardens. He sprinted from the room to his garden, to find the witch hovering over her.  
"Get away from her, you evil, nose-crooked thing!" He snarled as he took her in his arms.

"How original." She sniffed at him, as Alistair tried taking Diana in his arms, the most comfortable way he could.  
"What did you do to her?" He was seething, seeing how neutral Morrigan had remained. The bitch had been robbed of all her human emotions, hadn't she?

"You will know that soon enough, 'tis if your brain can of course comprehend information given to it."

Alistair grimaced, and picked his pregnant lady up. She was so heavy with the extra weight, and not easy to carry, having the enormous ball for a belly. He was not in a mood to fight Morrigan, he had to get Diana to her room, and check on the Orlesian. He had come alone and wounded, that can't be good, can it?

*_^_*

Zevran was walking around in his room with the crutches. He hated having to be dependable on things to be able to walk. But it was better then to be stuck in bed, not being able to move at all. The healer had been impressed with his fast recovery, but he still had some way to go before he could become independent once more. He knew he hurt her by keeping her at bay, but no, he could not let her see him like this. Like a weakling, he was more then this. She deserved more then this. And if he had acted normal or caring when he did see her during the last time, she would have been with him every step of the way. He had to do this alone. Although being stuck in this room now was getting quite dull. He wondered how long he would have to be dependent on these forsaken crutches. He hadn't seen her for five months almost and it had been driving him insane. But what could he do, he would not be able to sleep with her, not walk with her, or being her loyal ear to listen to her troubles, when being so self-centered about himself. He was not a fool either, he knew she must be quite enormous now, and that soon, she would give birth. He hoped he would be healed by then, because he wanted to be with her during that moment, healed or not. It was only so much he could take.

Alistair's mage healer Aerian had been with him every day, watching his progress. He was the one keeping Zevran updated about everything that had transpired in the palace and the city since he got stuck. Apparently the king had grown a close bond with the future soon-to-be-queen-and-mother. Before he could actually think about it, the door burst open, and a female servant practically yelled that Aerlian was needed, leaving Zevran quite bewildered. He never liked not being in the loop of things. He wondered where Diana was, and a slight nervous feeling that have been so absent, ignited. Something was wrong, he could just tell. It was hovering all over the palace. Zevran gripped his crutches and looked at the wide open door. He promised himself to not go out in this state, but that feeling would just grow more powerful if he would not be able to see her, and he hadn't for almost five months. Curiosity took the best of him, and he swallowed the remaining pride he had in search for Diana.

Walking, more actually swinging on the crutches, he saw servants running around the palace like a lost animal pack. He instantly got reminded when Diana had been badly hurt during that ritual the other Wardens forced her to do.

"Zevran, you're up?" Came Alistair's voice. Zevran turned as fast as he could, and he saw her hanging in his arms, like a dead corpse. He didn't like the way Alistair was holding her, like a child that does not want to let go of its favorite toy, but he didn't say anything. Now was not the time.

"I noticed the turmoil in the palace and alas, my curious eyes got the best of me." He grinned, not taking his eyes of her pale face. She looked so vulnerable, what happened to her? His eyes scanned her core, and as he suspected. Her belly had grown large over these months.

Alistair didn't care for his answer and moved past him in a hurry with maidens scurrying after them as he headed for, what Zevran knew, her room was.

"So she hasn't let go of you yet, how marvelous miracles occur. It really makes me happy to see I have not been affected of these preposterous silly emotions." Came a voice behind him that just made Zevran's smile grew bigger.

"Ah, so the lovely yet dangerous witch makes an appearance." He said facing Morrigan, that slowly walked past him while eyeing his crutches.

"And you apparently have lost your capability to walk, I wonder if all your intelligence is gone with it?"

"Ah, you wound me, my dear. I assure you my other skills are not damaged by my, how would you call it, current situation." He said mockingly.

"Tempting, I'm sure, but I require my partners to be more, 'how would you call it', athletic and being able to perform certain wishes." Morrigan added in a seductive voice, while her eyebrows raised high on her forehead, and glided towards Diana's room.  
Zevran followed her movements and chuckled lightly. Morrigan is back, well that should be interesting.

All those thoughts went blank when a high-pitched scream from Diana's room echoed what Zevran believed, the entire palace.


	31. Death of a brother

**AN: Sorry for this is taking so long, but I have a lot to do in school now. Lots and lots of homework. Only five more weeks to go before I graduate and go on vacation, woho! I hope you enjoy this!**

_She was running through a plain field of grass. She had no idea where she was headed but she continued to run. When she stopped at the end of the field, she saw Aurelia floating in the air, grinning mischievously at her. She tried calling her name but no words escaped her lips, no sound emerged from her, when her entire body was trying to scream her name. Her child was only laughing at her and flew up in the red scarlet sky and her blue eyes changed her color to lighting red eyes and she said in a dark and scathing tone that send ice chills throughout Diana's bones;_

"_Look at your creation, mother. You should be proud."  
Aurelia laughed and she transformed slowly. Her legs melted together and formed a long black tail, while her arms slowly became two long thin black wings. Her eyes were still gleaming like molten lava while her smile grew larger and larger. _

_She tried calling her daughter once more and kept running while Aurelia was flying further and further away. Her daughter looked like an tainted angel that transformed into a beast. Diana run through the field that turned from grass to black rocks that burned her feet with every step she took. The laughter echoed through her mind and she tripped over the sudden edge that appeared and fell down. Aurelia was flying above her and with no intention of helping her, she kept laughing while Diana fell lower and lower into the dark abyss of nothingness, while she screamed her lungs out with no sound escaping her mouth..._

"Diana?" She felt a hand on her shoulder. A stinging cold touch, and she tried squirming away.

"Diana!" The voice was stronger, more forceful. She refused to open her eyes and her heart was pounding in her ears. If she opened her eyes she would only see the abomination that was her child, the essence growing within her. Was this a warning? Can't be. So many thoughts going through her mind, nothing made sense, she closed her eyes more firmly.

"Diana." She recognized this voice, is it another cruel mind game they were trying to play her? Imitating his voice....that was beyond cruelness.  
"My dear, you need to wake up." her heartbeat was now stronger, and her eyelids was hurting from her attempts of shutting them tightly. His voice was not real, he had not been near her for all this time. Her body was shaking violently and she was covered in sweat. Another hand was gripping her twitching hand. A warm touch that sent jolts of sensation, interrupting the fright eclipsing within her. She gasped for air, it surprised her how much she had been holding it back, and she had a hard time now keeping her vision engulfed in darkness.

She felt a soft finger touch on her forehead, tracing the coldness of it. The hand removed her long curls from her plastered face. She felt hot breath upon her neck.

"Diana, I know you are awake. Open your eyes." His voice breathed in her ear. Diana clutched her hands tightly and the one embracing her small one. Opening her eyes would embrace her nightmare, wouldn't it? He is just a trick for her to open them, a very cruel one for her to accept defeat. NO! That would not happen. She felt soft kisses tracing her jaw line, she recognized them more then she should, and how much both her mind and body had missed them. Defeat seemed less horrible when she felt that touch upon her. She slowly opened her eyes, everything was a blur. She could make out the person holding her hand and face. The golden hair was no mistake neither the tanned skin.  
Diana blinked her eyes hard and her vision returned. She saw the assassin staring at her, with his known smile on his face. His amber eyes was looking at her face, and she could see the worry dwelling deep within them.

"Zevran?" Saying his name was now foreign on her lips, she had not spoken it since he refused her presence that day. He didn't react to it and kissed her forehead gently, and took a serviette lying next to him, patting it softly in an attempt to remove the cold sweat.

"You had us all worried." She heard from the other side from her bed. She turned her head and saw Alistair and Morrigan hovering there.

"Wh-what happened?" She asked.

"Don't you remember?" Alistair's tone was trembling.

Diana closed her eyes and tried to remember what happened. She was with Morrigan and she told her....By Andraste flaming sword! No! She opened her eyes and sat up faster then she should have. Her hand was still clutching Zevran's hand and she gasped by the pain that was shooting vibes through her body.

"Morrigan..." She looked at the witch, and she saw the apostate looking sternly in her eyes. No emotion present.

"You should rest." Alistair said slowly and sat down on the bed, his eyes flickering from the assassin and her.

"I have done that plenty. I want answers." She said firmly, her eyes fixated on Morrigan.

"Answers to what?" He asked.

Diana didn't answer and she saw the witch turned her head away. This did not escape the both men.

"I see that our deceptible witch have said something that upset our dear Warden." Zevran's eyes were gleaming. Alistair walked fast out from the bed and stood in front of Morrigan.  
"What answers does she mean, hm?" He was seething and Morrigan scoffed at him.

"I only told her the truth. Something that apparently did not go by your foolish mind." Alistair's face twitched and he took a step closer to the witch.  
Diana could see the tension building up and she didn't need more of their bitching.  
"Alistair, please calm down."  
"Don't tell me to calm down! She said something that caused you to faint. You are pregnant, by the Maker!" He was angry, beyond it. His eyes was still set upon Morrigan. She sighed and mumbled something with a wave from her hand. Alistair's eyes closed immediately and he fell down.

Diana's eyes widened and before she could ask, the witch already answered.  
"He was a pestilence, 'tis was very aggravating. He is of better use asleep." She shrugged her shoulders and sat down on the edge of the bed. Zevran chuckled.

"I have wanted to do that on many occasions myself, alas our dear Warden would never let me since my poisons can escalate the desired effect."

"Is he going to be fine?" Diana asked, trying to a hide a giggle. It was pretty sad that he was only worried about her and gets treated like a child by Morrigan.

"Sadly yes." She said.

"Morrigan...I-" She was cut off by the witch holding up a hand.  
"I will answer and we will talk. Today is not 'tis day. You are too unstable."

Diana wanted to argue but had no strength to do so which proved Morrigan's point.

The witch stood up and when she opened her door, she turned and smiled at Diana.  
"I will see you tomorrow. Rest." And with that final note, she strode out of the room, leaving a asleep Alistair, a nervous Diana and a long gone friend.

Zevran had been sitting on a chair next to her, and now she saw the crutches that were leaning on the wall behind him.

She had a hard time to formulate an appropriate sentence. Sitting with him now seemed so unreal.

He cleared his throat after what seemed like forever and captivated her attention.

"I need to go back to my quarters as well, my dear."

"No, don't leave." She whispered and held his hand more tightly. He smiled and caressed her cheek with his free hand. If he was gone, she would think of all the things Morrigan had said and her dream that only intensified her fright, and frankly she would rather not think about it now.

Then with no warning a pain went through her body, it felt like knives, dabbed in poison stabbing her abdomen. She let go of Zevran's hand and clutched her belly tightly, while in all her effort, trying not to scream.

The baby within her felt like it was in a uproar and she could feel its violent movement that caused extreme pain for Diana.  
"Diana?" Zevran's voice seemed so faraway and she could feel him trying to hold her down with his hands on her shoulders.

"Take deep breaths." He whispered.

She did as she was told and after some breathing it seemed to help and she didn't feel the child anymore. All that went through her mind was hope. She hoped that everything that Morrigan told her was a dream, rather that then to be reality, and that her nightmare had just been a figment of coping with the dream. This can't be real! Her child can't be the root of evil. Diana felt like she was losing her marbles, her sanity was slipping away, slowly but surely. Soon she was afraid there would be nothing left in her except darkness. It seemed to have a strong hold of her, not letting go. She didn't know what to do if what the witch told her was true. What would that leave her? She could feel her skin had been changing since she got pregnant, a more pink tune had been overtaking her pale features, and she had light wounds on both arms, legs and back after all all her scratching. And those nightmares and that song that had been stuck within her for so long, only to cause more insanity. She would not be able to handle more losses, more bad news. It would be to much and it would led her over the brink of her own life.

"Diana?" Zevran's voice interrupted her inner depressing musings.

She looked at him and only saw those amber eyes. Those eyes that had captivated her and had looked at her while making love. That time seemed so faraway and distant. She would chose the Blight over one of these days anytime. And now she was scared. Beyond it. She couldn't stop the 'what ifs' from interrupting her mind.

He was saying her name with such delicate tone, like treating a withering flower from dying. And she laid her face in his palm and closed her eyes. The warmth of his skin engulfed her and sent her on the way to the world where she hoped she was granted one night of peace.

Diana woke up late the next morning. Zevran was not there, not that she was surprised, he had left her somewhere in the night. Neither was Alistair, he must have woken up and walked out without disturbing her. Strangely she felt no pain, nor tired, which seemed pretty strange seeing that she got so little sleep and so many nightmares to fill it nowadays. Not that she complained. She got out of her bed and walked to the mirror. She had dark rings under her eyes, her hair was a mess, like a bird nest, she chuckled when she remembered how many times Wynne complained about it. Not really caring how she looked like or that she was wearing a nightgown, she headed out.

"Oh, M'lady." A servant came rushing, and took Diana back inside and fixed her up. She had no desire to speak or to protest so she sat there like a doll while the servant put her hair in a tight bun, and put on new clothes. Apparently it would not be fit for a Cousland soon-to-be-married to the king, to walk out like a troll. When she was finally done, she walked out trying to find one of the three people she wanted to see. When she was headed to the throne room, she collided with Eamon.

"my queen." He said and bowed. She shook her head. She hated to have be called by titles.

"I'm not queen yet, my good friend." She said while he stood up.

"The marriage is growing near, it would only seem appropriate." He insisted.

"Fine. Do you know where Alistair is?"  
"Yes, both he and the mage girl is with the Orlesian."  
"The Orlesian?" Diana asked.

"Yes, the only survivor of a darkspawn assault. He is dying and the king needs information."  
Diana's heart pounded and she tried not tremble when she asked where they were. When she got that piece of information she hurried to the quarters where they kept him. She knew it could only be one person. David.

Indeed it was. Diana covered her mouth of the sight she witnessed. Blood was everywhere almost in the room. The white sheets and covers have been painted by scarlet blood. The Orlesian was lying in the bed was twitching and screaming out pain. It was strange to see the strong commander only being dressed in simple cloth piece and trousers. It was colored by his blood. Strange indeed. She saw a mage trying to heal the mans wound with help of Morrigan's magic. The witch had her hand embraced by the healer. Alistair was standing on the other side with some of his guards behind him. He looked grim and he looked slightly happier with her presence and waved her over.

Diana slowly walked over, having her eyes fixed on the man in front of her. He had not noticed her as she stood next to the king.

"How is he?" She asked.

"Not good. Their magic is hardly helping. They don't even know why." His voice was barely a whisper when he continued;  
"He is dying and we can't do anything to stop it." Diana nodded. It was hard to believe that he was dying. The commander and that all that was with him was dead. That meant that darkspawn was on the move, did it not? David screamed and and turned his body, trying to get away from the mages which failed miserably. His eyes now saw Diana, and he tried to say something. Diana got nearer to him and his hand gripped hers tightly and she almost tripped.  
"Darkspawn...killed...left me..." his eyes was blinking furiously.

"everyone...out." He continued. She nodded.

"Everyone please get out." They all looked at her.

"Without our magic he will surely died." The healer said.

"It is his wish. Leave." She said firmly and Alistair walked out which caused everyone else to leave.

She turned her attention to the man in front of her that was still clutching her hand.

"You...they..left...message...you."  
She blinked her eyes.

"What, they, who?"  
"They killed...everyone, except me." He was trying his hardest to talk properly, blood was running down from his mouth.

"Who's they?"  
"Darkspawn...one of them...talked. Talked!"  
Diana's heart sank. More bad news....

"They left me alive to come here and give you a message."  
"Why me?" She asked.  
"They said....will kill everyone...Ferelden, if you don't give yourself to them."

Diana flinched and she started to shake.

"Why-why do they want me for?"  
"They want you and your child." He coughed and blood splurted out and sprayed all over her arm.

"What do you mean? Why?" She tried asking but David closed his eyes and fell on the bed and stopped moving. Diana's heart pounded and she pulled her arm away from the dead commander and stood up. She couldn't move or think, but she was not telling anyone about this and she sprinted as fast as she could out of the room, while fighting the tears that were threatening to fall.


	32. Kissing my angel

**An: Yes, I changed the title to my story, I was never happy with "The Long Road" so I switched it. Just a recommendation, listen to Placebo-running up that hill to this chapter. It suits pretty well with the content, or maybe I'm just plain silly. At least this is one of the more longer chaps, also one of the more harder to write. These feelings chapter makes me want to cry and I hate the fact I can't even put it half as good on paper, so to speak. Hope it is sufficient though. I did this one and the previous chapter continuously in one go and read it through. Sometimes it happens. Even though I should focus on my school work but darn it, this story wants to live. But when it won't or doesn't happen it will take way slower for me to update in the coming weeks. As always I love your comments on my work, it really gives more fire, inspiration and encouragement to write so I hope you won't stop doing that :)**

_"It doesn't hurt me._

_You wanna feel how it feels?_

_You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?_

_You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?"_

Zevran was walking in his room, for the first time in years. That's how good it felt. He couldn't really walk far or fast just yet, only stagger, but it was an improvement nonetheless. He had tried walking last night when he got back from Diana's room. It had him worried how fragile she was and got him more motivated to get rid of the crutches.

It had been a very sunny day, but now as it was nearing the afternoon, dark clouds had materialized over the city, not granting any access for the warmth behind them. He couldn't remember the last time it rained, and his body had forgotten the touch of the drops against his skin. Well, that was not the only thing he had absent these days in his life. He had never been the one to regret or ponder about previous actions or events. It had happened and you can't do anything to change it. But if he haven't been so childish the morning after their first night together, things would have been so much different. He shook his head at this notion, and thought himself like a little child. Looking out the window, he saw how the storm lavished the capital.

The assassin had missed the rain, which seemed strange, since he hailed from Antiva, many things was different about him since he met her though. It had only been a bit over a year now since he first laid his eyes upon her...He remembered the event that transpired as well as it only happened yesterday.

"_it looks good!" The girl said, that stood next to Zevran._

_Zevran glanced over their caravan-assault-that-would-hopefully-lure-the-wardens-right-in-his- midst._

_The scout just arrived from the road arrived, looking exhausted from his sprinting._

"_Well?"_

"_yes, they are gonna pass through this way to get to Denerim, they should be here shortly." the scout said, panting._

_Zevran nodded and a smile overtook his neutral expression, "everyone get in your positions and let's give the wardens a special greeting that only the Crows from Antiva can give."_

_He gave the look to the woman that was gonna lure the wardens the command to start running. She nodded and disappeared. Ten minutes later he heard footsteps running and he saw them, four companions. He was a bit shocked, the woman that was in front must be their leader, she looked so young and ravishing for that matter. He chuckled, it was sad that he had to kill such a lovely young beauty. He gave the signal to assassins and they emerged from their hiding grounds, the wardens pulled out their swords. Their eyes met each other and stayed fixated on one and another. He scoffed at the curious green eyes of betrayal. Had this girl no notion of the world?_

"_The Grey Wardens dies here."_

_The woman he saw came directly at him. Their twin daggers met each other, melted together by their combined force. Her eyes, he saw, was alluring. A forest could be dwelling in the depth of them. He closed his eyes for a second and found himself behind her. Her reactions had been fast and she turned quicker then he could ever imagine. Their blades met once again, and she made a turn with her leg, using the force of her hip to make him move backwards. The shock from her power left him surprised and quite wondering. He also noticed when now facing her yet again, that the noise of battle had been silenced from around him. He smiled internally, maybe he would get his wish after all. After all, he just wanted to go down like an assassin, not a coward. She did something he didn't expect could happen to him, she appeared faster then the wind next to him, pulled her legs behind him using the force of her hand and leg and pulled him down. His daggers flew right out of his hands, blasted! They both landed on the cold, damp grass. She was sitting above him with her knee almost at his throat and pulled out a small dagger from her back and placed it against his face._

"_Kill me already." Zevran said smiling. By her hand, that beauty reflected in her eyes and hair, he could die at least like a happy man if he could see a woman's wonders before passing. He would finally see..._

"_Not just yet, I decided I wanted to torture you first. I want answers." She touched his face lightly with her dagger, his lips quirked upwards. What a girl, trying to frighten him! Her eyes looked around and saw that her companions were safe and gathered around her. How uttering boring, he thought._

"_oh, so your keeping me for a bit of fun, are you?" He chuckled_

_Her knee pushed a bit harder._

"_Who are you?"_

_Her green eyes glowed._

"_Now, now don't get to hasty with the knee, would hate it to get a messy, such a beautiful knee it is." He said hoarsely._

_She stood up and he noticed that a man in a silver armor moved sneakily behind her. A denied lover perhaps? The man looked very protective of the girl, how he was tenderly touching her arm. Which she had not noticed, he saw. Maybe he should turn his focus to the what-would-be people that held his fate by the threshold. _

_"__Who are you and why did you try to kill us?"_

"_My name is Zevran, Zev to my friends. I was sent here for only one reason. That reason being killing you and the remaining Grey Wardens and anyone who travel with them. Which i sadly failed at." He hadn't been paid to keep his mouth shut and everything rolled of his tongue without any doubt._

_She scoffed at him, "I'm quite happy that you failed."_

_He laughed at her response, and cleared his throat before continuing, "So would I be in your shoes."_

_She looked at him with curiosity, like a predator not really knowing whether or not to play with its food or just eat it._

"_Did someone send you or were you and your men on a bounty hunt?"_

"_I was sent here by the Antivan Crows, my dear lady."_

"_The Crows?" Said a red haired girl from the back_

"_you know who they are?" The blond seductress asked the crimson looking one._

"_they are an order of assassins." She answered slowly, while looking at Zevran.  
"Indeed they are." He said, gripping, what he assumed was their leader, her attention._

"_And why did you want to kill us?" She asked again._

"_Its not by my own motivations that wanted you dead, my dear. It would rather seem a waste to rid the world of its beauties. My leaders however got paid, quite wealthy for wanting to stop your breathing."  
She looked at him, not letting her eyes wander while he noticed the man behind her whispered something in her ear which she nodded at._

_She took some steps towards him and crouched next to him. Her eyes wandered a bit before tracing her fingers on his cheek. The touch had him surprised and their eyes entwined when she cupped his cheek._

"_And who exactly paid you?"  
"No one has paid me, I assure you. But if you mean who paid my masters, I would say a rather tall looking fellow. I think his name was Loghain."_

"_Why am I not surprised." She responded more to the group then to him. Her warm touch left his cheek tingly and she went back to her companions._

...and then against all odds, she let him live, and gave him a second chance. He spent many nights at first planning to kill her anyway. His instinct wanted to keep him alive and it would be dull to die before completing his mission, would it not? He chuckled as he gazed they landscape beholding the city pensively. Who would have known that she led him to this path? He heard thundering above him. The weather was a complete dismal, and horrifying for those not used to hearing noise from the heavens. Something was tickling in his knees, a feeling he hadn't had for many months. The look from the top of the palace should be magnificent, and if he could just be there for a few moment and try to walk, it would surely be worth it. He just had to make sure that no one will see him go there.

The assassin grabbed his crutches and led himself out the door. He walked the path that would lead him to the rooftop of the castle. It didn't take long and he opened the door. He closed his eyes and stepped out quietly, feeling cold drops engulf his core. He chuckled and opened his eyes only to gape at the horrifying vision that was in front of him. His slow heart beat had become completely erratic by the sight. He saw her standing by the edge of the castle, one more step and she would fall down, surely to her death. He couldn't hide how amazing still she looked. The blonde curls slashing violently in the cold harsh wind, her long, sprinkled red(?) dress following the same notion. Her face was unreadable, her eyes were never. It was sadness in them. And she was beyond wet, you could see her every feature clearly through the dress. He tried his best to ignore the huge adding one in her belly.

"Diana?" He slowly asked.

She turned her face haltingly to him.

"Hi, Zevran." Her tone was meek and dull, like she was taken away from her every emotion, the ability to feel. She wouldn't jump, would she? He had started to shake, and it was not from the cold. He couldn't lose her, that was the only reason that kept him going in this forsaken dull world.

"What are you doing, my dear. Lets get you back inside and warm you. You could get sick like this." He said, trying to sound light.

"Don't come near me, Zev." A big trembling noise came from above that shook Zevran. The weather was getting more violent. He saw her shaking as well while she stood like a swaying ship on the edge of the rooftop. He would never expect her, even through all her hardship to be this foolish. If not for her, then for her child.

"Diana, please step away from the edge." He said, he know that saying her name always had a calming effect on her. And if he could hold his tongue from pressing a joke to hide his intentions maybe she would.

"One step is all that it takes." She whispered, and he now saw lightning struck just outside the city, followed by another a big thunder.

His heartbeat was now even beyond fast beating, she was serious....

"One step and it could all be over. I just have to..." She continued swagger on the edge.

"Why are you like this?" He asked, taking every urge of self-control to not yell at her. These crutches were holding him back. He tried to swing with them once again. She reacted and hissed at him.  
"Don't. Come. Near. Me!"

He held up his hands, as a token of his surrender and his crutches fell hard on the stone roof, echoing over the surface. The rain and the thundering was all you could hear now.

"I won't if that is truly your wish." He said, looking at her face. The once careless one. The face that usually laughed and was happy, and had a certain glimmer in her eyes. It had all been fading away leisurely since Fort Drakon. And he hadn't been helping her that well either. He was so stupid and self-centered that he forgot about her and her happiness. An assassin should see these things, it was important when looking for weaknesses, not that would be his intention but still. Now it was replaced by an expression of a dying, old, a withering woman. She looked like an angel in her white dress with the wind blowing through her. A tired one, with those dark rings under her eyes and her mouth being shaped like sad rainbow. Her young beauty had been replaced by a grim look that did not suit her at all.

She turned away from him and gazed the cityscape in front of her. He hated that he couldn't tell if she would jump or not.

"Doesn't hurt me...you want to feel how it feels?" She hymned, making him raise his eyebrow.

"feel how what feels?" He dared not to move nor flinch, but his legs were beginning to shake horribly due to not being used on standing on their own.

She turned her eyes to look at him.

"You don't want to hurt me...so much hate...so much bitterness for the ones we love...." He saw taking a small step over the edge. Zevran clutched his fists.

"Diana. Please, step down." He was never the one to beg, but for her...he would do anything. What happened to her?

"Tell me, Zevran. Do we really matter?" She asked in such a abhorrent tone, a voice he had never heard from her before.

"You matter, more then you could ever realize." He said softly. That caught her attention.

"Really? You have a funny way of showing it." She said scathingly.

He cursed under his breath. How could she not understand him or why he did what he did.

"No matter. I could just end it all with one step." She laughed and looked down on the ground below them.

"End what?"

"Everything." She muttered.

"What happened, Diana?" He asked, while he staggered to the ground. He couldn't stand on his legs anymore. His one true psychical weakness, how he hated it now, being so powerless.

"I never believed it to be true. But it all makes sense now. The nightmares, and what Morrigan told me and now what he said..." She stopped her sentence.

"What did Morrigan say?" He said anything in hope that someone would see her, to help her or to buy him time to get her off there.

She laughed again and covered her face with her small hands. That eclipsed his growing fear. He used the opportunity to crawl a bit closer to her without her seeing his attempt. The rain helped damping the noise he was making. What an assassin!

"She said that my child is....not mine." He stopped his movements and managed to stand up again and stared at her.

"How could that be?"  
"Oh, its mine by body. I'm just a vessel though." She lowered her hands and looked at him with sad eyes.

"I'm carrying the archdemon. It didn't die. That's how I survived." She whispered.

"How?" was all he could manage.

"Morrigan did her ritual, and it backfired."

He couldn't respond to this and they were just looking at each other.

"See? I'm nothing. I can't give birth to it..." Her voice was wavering.

"You are alive for a reason. Don't question that, you are way beyond of being nothing, believe me, my dear."  
"I have been dead since I thrusted my dagger in the dragon. I died that night, my core is alive for the soul purpose of something I failed at. Don't you see, Zev?"

He shook his head. She wasn't dead, how could something divine like her be dead?

"I have to stop this." She whispered and when he saw her taking another step closer to the edge he panicked.  
"How can you say that?" She stopped her movement and looked at him.

"I have to."  
"we will find a way. We always do, and it will involve you not dying."

She chuckled.

"That's nice, Zev. But no, you clearly can't be around me when something happens that you can't handle, and frankly I'm tired of it. Alistair only needs me since I'm carrying what we thought would be his child...the rest I cared about are dead. My brother does not need me, in fact he would properly be better of with me dead anyway."  
"That is not fair." Zevran growled.

"I'm just an abomination, a dead corpse left for the mission to give birth to something we thought we killed."

"You are not. Not to me and not to the templar either."

"Really?" Sarcasm dripping with every letter.  
"You have to be blind and deft to not see that Alistair is still madly in love with you." He cursed again, why did he say that. Is he still a coward to admit what he feels so he says the emotions of another man? So pathetic, this is not like him, but this wasn't an everyday situation for him either.

"And you?" She whispered. How could she not know already?  
"You know how I feel." He responded.

"No, I actually don't. You confuse to hell, Zevran. Tell me or I will fall." She said firmly.

"Oh, you are then becoming a true assassin, using blackmail to achieve your goals?" He winked his eyebrows.

"No matter." Her foot was now above the ground, floating.

"I have nothing, I thought this child would be my hope, but I was wrong there, everything is just so fucking pointless." He took steps closer to her, which was very hard, but it had gone unnoticed by her, he was close enough to grab her. She saw him and turned fast, so quickly that she lost her balance and started to fall over the edge. Zevran jumped with all force he could muster from his weak legs and plunged forward, catching one of her hands, preventing her to finish her fall. She didn't even scream. He was grabbing her hand tightly, but her weight was heavy and with the rain pouring down it was not easy to hold her. He looked sternly in her lifeless eyes. This fall would surely kill her.

"Just let me go." She said.

"Never." He responded. He tried pulling her up but it was almost impossible, she was acting like a dead corpse, with no intention of helping him, and he couldn't use his legs for support either. He had heard his back crack when he landed and he tried his best to ignore the pain that was sending vibes through his spine. He wondered how badly of he is now. Zevran knew he only had his arms to pull her up, which seemed harder and harder with every second they were hanging there.

"There is no use, Zev. Just let me go."  
"How could you ask me to do that?" He responded angrily.

She chuckled and tried now to squirm her hand from his grasp.

"I'v only been a burden, I have realized it. Just let it go." He now had a bruisingly tight grip on her hand, he would not let her fall, it was getting more hard with her squirming and rain that added extra weight.

"How could I let go of the woman I love?" the words were uttered before he could stop them. Oh, his barrier was now down and beaten.

"Don't." She whispered, but her hands had stopped moving. He could see that she was crying.

"Don't say lies." Her voice was trembling.

"It is no lie...I" That he heard his own voice almost blurted out the three forbidden words, was not realistic at all for him. He never uttered these words except when she was...unconscious in the palace. She didn't know that, and that he almost said it now was beyond him.

"No, you don't!" she tried to yell at him.

He smiled at her.

"I will never let you go, believe what you want to, but you should know that I lie about many things, but not when it comes to emotions like these."

"Its too late, I'm dead already, Zev..."  
"We can talk more about this when you are in your room, yes?" She didn't respond.

"Or we could remain here, but I can assure you it won't be pleasant for neither of us, pet."

"You have to let go at one point." She said. Stubborn woman!

"Never, I fall with you rather then to let go." Their eyes locked and he know saw a small resemblance to the glimmer he missed in them, when they first met. She was openly crying and nodded. He felt she locked her hand around his and he tried pulling her up. After a lot of effort and time they were both lying on the top of the drenched rooftop, neither was talking. He would never believe that she could carry a demon in her belly and chose to not think of it.

Zevran didn't feel his legs any longer and wondered how badly he hurt himself. Suddenly he felt her touch on his arm, and he could feel her little cold hand entwining within his fingers and holding his hand. He turned his face and saw her wet sad appearance looking at him. She had moved closer and her other hand traced his cheek and she was lying sideways, how she managed that, he would never know. He could make out every feature on her glowing profile as she crawled closer to him. He focused his gaze upon her emerald eyes. And without hesitation she brushed her lips lightly upon his. He had missed her so much, and his hand was holding the back of her head, caressing the hair, and pulled her closer to a kiss. They were moist and most welcoming. And he could feel her soft full lips consuming his fully.

It overwhelmed his senses, and even through all the pain that went through his paralyzed lower body, it overtook it. She is his, his goddess. She gasped and opened her mouth a little to grant him more access. The thundering was hovering above them, and they were both beyond cold, and neither seemed to care. Her aura had him even more absorbed then before. Her breath was upon his lips, which left a tingling sensation in Zevran's chest. He could lie here forever being fully covered in water, if he could only be with her...he would never let her die. He placed his mouth next to her ear, tracing soft kisses on her earlobe and took a deep breath;

"I love you. Don't ever do something like this again." He pulled away and saw her widened and surprised face looking back at him. Zevran chuckled and kissed her again. They would have to go in eventually, but not now, not in this moment. He had said the forbidden words...and he felt content and at ease.

_"And if I could,_

_Make a deal with God,_

_And get him to swap our places,_

_Be running up that road,_

_Be running up that hill,_

_Be running up that building._

_If I only could, oh..."_

**_AN: So a quick question, did you like that he said it or not? I was so unsure if I should have him say those words but I thought it suited in the event that happened especially for the future chapters._**


	33. Maker help me

**AN: Thank you so much for your reviews. Really, they make me so happy! And here is the updated version, hope it meets to your satisfaction!**

Another two weeks passed since the roof-top incident, and the marriage was nearing. Tomorrow she would officially be the queen of Ferelden. Diana had been feeling quite numb about the whole marriage thing although in all fairness, she felt numb about almost everything nowadays. The baby had now passed the eight month limit. She couldn't call it by any other name even though she knew that it had the archdemons essence. The only persons that now knew about it was her, Morrigan and Zevran. He had not been issuing the matter. He was always a good judge of character to know that she did not want to speak of it just yet. Although she could see the worry in his eyes especially when he thought she wasn't looking.

A tear sprinkled down her pale cheek as she walked to the fountain in the king's garden. She sat down on the edge and turned. Taking of her shoes, she gently slipped her feet in the cold water and sighed. She loved her baby more then anything else. But now she was afraid more then ever, since David died, reports all over from Ferelden had been streaming in with letters attached to birds saying that more and more darkspawn are slaughtering everything in the villages, and its getting closer to the capital. Alistair had of course sent letters to Orlais asking for help, and dispatched more soldiers, nurses and mages that they had to the more dire locations. She was growing nervous knowing that they were nearing her.

It was her dream and what the Commander's dying words were that really scarred in her heart. And she was to frightened to admit what he said to anyone. She could guess the reasons why the darkspawn would want her baby but every thought was worse then the previous one she was thinking. She had not been ready for all of the news. That it was a normal baby growing within her was now only a dream far far away. And she was just feeling empty about it. Her brain had completely shut off all her emotions. The last thing that happened when she thought about led her to almost go through with the crazy attempt to actually kill herself. She knew she would have gone through with it as well if Zevran hadn't shown up. Maybe it was a sign to not give up just yet? And who is to say that the child is evil just because it has the Old God soul instead of its own...she shivered. She remembered that Morrigan wanted the baby, she hadn't even asked her about it, instead she had been trying her best to avoid everyone except the assassin. The words he had spoken to her made her not to fall. He loved her and had finally said it. That had created a little light by the end of the dark tunnel filled with horror.

What will happen when the child is born? She got the mental picture that it will transform into a mini dragon and then fly happily on its way to the darkspawn and then soon enough, they would have another Blight upon them. Maybe, just maybe, this child can candle a new hope for mankind though. If she could raise it in peace...Trying to convince herself that the child would be good was very tiring. Somehow the nagging in the back of her head was increasing when she tried thinking positive about the child, knowing that it won't be pure. The darkspawn wanted it, and could probably sense the Old God within her belly. That was the reason why they had been growing so aggressive. And if they want it, it can't be good.

The assassin had hurt himself when he saved her once again. He was not able to move out of his room, nor allowed to. They had looked quite the pair when they finally went inside, soaking wet. He had been leaning on her, because of the pain she had inflicted on him when he jumped after her. Apparently he could still walk like before but had a serious amount of pain of doing so. The healer, Aerian had scoffed and bullied a nodding Zevran about him being an irresponsible git for doing to much, to soon. She did thank him for not telling him about how he actually got worse. The price she had to pay for that was sleeping in his bed. She chuckled while playing with her feet in the water, and wondered how long she had waited for him to ask that of her.

No one else knew about what happened up there and she wanted to keep it that way. During these two weeks she had been with Zevran more then with Alistair or Morrigan. The apostate mage was quite furious about not getting a private time with her because of things that needed to be told, but Diana didn't want to hear it. She had her assassin back, and she wanted to live in that fairy tale a while longer. About him she could feel alive, even if it only could last minutes at some points. When the marriage will break that tale, so can Morrigan and this time she won't be acting like a lunatic and try to jump of the roof. She will have to deal with this sooner then later, people are dying and nothing is being done fast enough. The darkspawn attack had not reached the city just yet. No one had been talking about recent darkspawn activities and that was at least a good thing. She would go if she could, but in the position both she and Zevran are in, they are temporarily incapacitated.

Alistair, Eamon and the noble councilors had wanted to meet her to for the wedding rehearsal and for some notes about the preparations. She did comply at first but when she thought she got the hang of it, she ignored the rest with the angry and disappointing eyes of Eamon that followed her. They had also said that making an appearance in the city would also be good for her and the king, but she refused. She didn't want to leave the palace for the time being, and let Eamon do that for her instead. They were going to have a public wedding and that's enough.

Diana saw Alistair's reflection staring at her through the water in the fountain, she splashed with her feet, acknowledging his presence.

"Hi Alistair." She said softly, granted a chuckle from his reflection. He sat down next to her with his feet outside the fountain.

"So tomorrow I will have a queen." He said, with a nervous chuckle.

"So it would seem. It's just an agreement, Alistair. Why are you so uptight?" She asked.

"Oh, I'm just about to get married in front of the entire capital with a lovely girl. Something is just bound to go wrong."

"What can possible go wrong? You having the heebie-jibes?" She said mockingly.

He frowned at her and stood up, "Very funny."  
"Dork." She provoked with a smile.  
"You lash at me with your words. I'm hurt. But if you would see my spine lying around somewhere tomorrow in the throne room, please try not to step on it."

"That scared are you?" She asked and stood up as well, with a hand rubbing her belly. She felt movement in there and she groaned.

"The baby is moving?" He ignored her question, while standing close to her and placed her hand on his shoulder.

She nodded. She hadn't told Alistair about the whole hey-I'm-carrying-the-archdemon-in-my-belly-thought-you-wanted-to-know. And neither was she planning to, not yet. She had no idea how to actually say it. Everything was just way to complicated. His hand waving in front of her snapped her out of thinking.

"Its a strong baby girl we got there." He said gently.

"Alistair." She gasped and tightened the grip around his shoulder.

"Something wrong?" His tone was even more worried now.

"No, I just need rest. I will see you tomorrow at the wedding. Please just help me to Zevran's room."

Alistair's eyes flickered but said nothing and helped her to his room, where Zevran was training his leg movement with the healer. He and Zevran were having the usual eye staring competition, and were polite but the coldness they uttered toward one and other was pretty clear. The tension in the room was escalating with every word they uttered towards each other. Eventually Alistair left and gave Diana a kiss on her cheek, probably to anger the assassin a bit.

They had their dinner brought up to their room, and ate in silence. They avoided talking about the marriage as much as possible and she had made it very clear that she would only share his bed. The marriage was just a protection, a business deal, whereas they are the lovers. He had also not talked to her at all about what had happened on the roof top. It was not needed, and she knew how uncomfortable and angry he would get if she tried, and she was way to happy with what he had said to ruin it. After playing a few mind tricks on each other, they decided to go to bed. It had been a pretty warm night for a long time and they decided to sleep naked. She felt a bit awkward with her tummy but Zevran took those fears away when he placed his arms behind her and hugged her tightly from behind. It was a tingling feeling she had, feeling his warm body behind her, and he led her to bed. They were lying in a spooning position, and he held her close to him while snuggling in her neck, whispering sweet things in her ear, which caused goosebumps to appear immediately on her arms. She had slowly turned and cupped his cheek and kissed him with fervor.

"My naughty minx. Still awake to steal some kisses, are you?" He chuckled and kissed her back with the same abandon. He rubbed her back gently in circles. He was a master of back massages. No doubt that he learned that in the whore house, she thought.

"You do know I don't want to marry him right?" She then asked and mentally cursed herself. Why ruin the night? He immediately tensed up and pulled away.

"I know. We have been over this many times and I know whose bed you will come to in the nights." He said and brushed her hair away.

"Zev..." She began but got interrupted by his soft kisses on her jugular vein. Sigh, its like him to avoid tough conversations. She smiled at the kisses. They were supple and gentle, something her body had been missing for so long. His hand was tracing her arm and sent jolts feeling like an electricity blast - but the good kind, through her core. Of course her heart followed the emotions and began to raise. His hand went down to her abdomen, and lower to her - Oh my! She felt her cheeks redden and closed her legs. They hadn't made love for so long and well she wasn't feeling that sexy or physically able to do it now. He groaned in her neck and then whispered while sucking on her earlobe;

"Don't be ashamed of something so beauitful, my emerald."

"But i can't-" He cut her off by kissing her mouth again, and quirked his lips while he breathed upon her lips;  
"I'm intending to get you off your mind, my dear. You are so tense about tomorrow, let me relax you. This is a skill I'm proud off, and I will be offended and wounded if you do not let me work with the gifts given to me." She gave a small chuckle and felt his warm hand lightly tracing her inner thighs, teasing her. It didn't take long for her to let go and feel her primitive nature take over every feeling she had, swelling over her. He was still kissing her neck while his thumb reached her sensitive spot and began rubbing it gently - very similar to his back massage, but more powerful then anything he could do on any other part of her body. Her hips had began moving to his movements, and his kisses were upon her collarbone, not stopping once with his thumb. She moaned with abandon when he entered his magic finger inside of her. She had been without this feeling for so long and it didn't take long before she hit her climax. Zevran kissed her damp forehead and smiled at her.

"Now, go to sleep, princess, and forget about tomorrow." She smiled coyly at him and kissed him softly on his lips and let him hold her once again. She felt so protected in his arms, and it didn't take long for her to fall asleep.

* * *

_She was running again, through that field she clearly could remember but this time she didn't hear or see her daughter. SHe was running around in nothingness. It was dark and cold and she tried escaping it. The field slowly changed to her bedroom, and she was walking towards her wardrobe. She put on her white loose dress and grabbed her thick black cloak and covered her nightgown with it, and pulled the hood over her. No one was there in the castle and every torch was lit. The only thing you could hear was Diana's footsteps against the cold ground and the wind blowing by. It felt very much like ghost palace then anything else._

_"Hello?" She called, but it echoed in the corridor. She paced slowly with her dragging legs and had no idea where her feet would take her, but she kept following it. She opened some doors that led her to the main hall. She hesitated a moment before opening it. This didn't feel real._

_"Its real my girl. Come to me." Echoed an unfamiliar voice in the air. She shivered by the tone and stopped._

_"Don't stop, don't you want to see your daughter?" it echoed again. Diana looked down her belly and saw it was flat. How did that happen? Where is she? Her heart was pounding hard with worry and fright, and with that her decision was clear. She hurried out the main door and scurried through the darkness of Denerim where her feet were leading her._

_"AURELIA!" She yelled, but it only turned into echoes. No one was out as far as her eye could see. It was by a mysterious wonder that she could go out the city without any notion. She walked on the ground outside the city, seeing its mighty walls cover the city._  
_"That's it girl. Don't stop now, you will soon see her." Diana started to run through the never ending road and stopped as soon as a man popped out of nowhere in front of her._

_"Now we have you." He whispered. She blinked her eyes and felt cold rough hands grabbing her shoulders. The man in front of her snapped his fingers and he turned into a darkspawn – but not like any other she had ever seen. How could she not sense them?_

* * *

She woke up and started to fight. By a miracle, she thought she would wake up in her room, but that was not her luck. She was struggling with the strong genlooks holding her arms. With neither strength, weapon or armor to fight them, she became an easy victim. They were not killing her, but hissed and growled at her. The child, they want the child, don't they? How could she been so stupid! The darkspawn that was standing in front of her however was the most frightening thing she had ever seen. Maker help me, she thought trembling. No one knew she was here, who could ever help her out here? She could see it was an emissary, but it was dressed differently and had different color. It was dressed in a crimson armor and had a black hood and cloak wrapped around him. He smiled mischievously at her, and she felt the genlocks ripped her cloak off. She thanked that she actually had put something under it before rushing out of the palace. It must have a trance. How could they reach her in her dreams? Then the most horrifying thing happened that she had not believed from David;

"Now we have you." It said again. It talked, how could that even be? He placed its armored glove upon her forehead, and before she could think anything else, she fell paralyzed to the ground. She heard and saw them moving around her. She was so scared and just wished this to be a bad dream. Zevran...please. Was all she thought. How could he even notice her being gone, and he couldn't exactly look for her, with his wounded legs. No one could come to her rescue.

They lifted her upon a litter they had built. This was a most strange sight she witnessed. Genlocks actually putting her on a stretcher. The foul smell was no mistake though neither that she now could sense them. It kicked in a bit to late, she frowned to herself. The emissary hovered above her and stroked her cheek. It burned and stinged. She hated their touch, and he was mumbling something and placed his other hand on her tummy. An agonizing pain went through her and she screamed. It was horrifying feeling helpless and not being able to move at all. Then the song in her head came once again. No, not again, she thought! She had never been this scared before. What would they do to her. The emissary smiled at her again and chuckled. He placed his hand upon her forehead and she fell asleep.


	34. Never to late

_"I fear I will never find anyone_

_I know my greatest pain is yet to come_

_Will we find each other in the dark_

_My long lost love" - Beauty of the beast, Nightwish_

**AN: Oh yes, before you flame me, I got a review about missing things in Morrigans speech. I have misunderstood some of her expressions and I will correct them when I can. So sorry for the annoyance of it. And thank you Yvanna Silverstream for correcting me. I mean it, thats how I learn, aight? :) hugs**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S MISSING" Yelled the angry king over the entire main hall room. There were whispering all from the servants that were standing around. Zevran was leaning against the nearby pillar with his crutches next to him. Morrigan was pacing close by, her eyes narrowed and deep in thought. Zevran looked back at a livid Alistair that were shouting at the misfortunate servants. It had been strange, when Zevran woke up this morning, she was gone. He also noticed that her cloak and a dress was missing from her wardrobe. And there were no signs of a fight, which he would have actually have woken by if that would happen. He clenched and unclenched his fists. She would not have left him now, would she? Where would she had gone, and she would soon enough give birth to her child. He hoped nothing bad had happened to her, but he did not feel at ease. She had try to commit suicide not that long ago, she would not try that again? No, she wouldn't. So what happened?

After some hours of hearing Alistair yelling, walking around the palace, telling the nobles about what had happened and also made an official speech about the marriage having to be postponed. He hadn't given any reason why either, and the people were worrying. Eamon opened the palace door, grabbing everyone's attention. He ran hastily to Alistair and whispered something in his ear. Alistair had dispatched search teams in the capital to find Diana as soon as Zevran had explained the situation to him. Whatever the man was telling Alistair, it could not be good. It was growing near dusk and there was no sight of her anywhere.

"She would not have disappeared." Said the apostate behind Zevran. He turned his face and saw Morrigan walking over and stood next to him.

"I know." He muttered back. He was worried about her, being here wasn't helping at all.

"Do you have anything personal that belonged to her?" She asked. He was surprised, Morrigan actually sounded genuine sincere.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean something, beside clothes."  
She had taken of his earring during the night, he recalled, maybe that could be seen as something personal. It sure was for both of them.

"She had an earring." He said, feeling a bit uncomfortable. The last person he wanted to share more intimate information with was the witch.

"If it held value to her, 'tis should help me to perform a locating spell." Zevran eyes widened and looked at her.

"Then we should try it now, yes?" She smiled and nodded.

They walked to his room, where he tried searching for the earring without exhausting the remaining strength he had left, tingling in his legs.

"Your back is not yet healed it seems." He heard her say.

"Evidently not." He scoffed back.

"haven't your mage healed you?"

"He has, but it takes time to heal such a delicate condition." He heard her laugh and she strode in front of him.  
"Maybe with the magic that the Circle would deem pure." the assassin raised his eyebrow.

"Where are you going with this?"

She sighed and frowned, "you are frustrating to the point it twould seem impossible, you know 'tis?"  
"Part of my assassin charm, or so I'm told." He said innocently, shrugging his shoulders.  
"If you would let me, I can use my magic to heal you."  
"And this magic you so dearly speak of will do what exactly?"  
"Are you even listening? I can heal you."  
"I like that part. But I suspect that there is something else to it or you wouldn't be acting so skittish about it."

She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms, "You love her do you not?" His chuckling stopped immediately and he stared her in her eyes. She waved her hand in annoyance and satisfacion, knowing the answer from his sudden change in behavior.  
"So my guess twould be that you would do anything to save her?" he gave a small nod – he would not deny that part.

"I can heal you with blood-magic, 'tis does not bother you, I assume?" He shook his head. Somewhat, he had lost the ability to speak.

"The price of a healed back is...your life-force." He tightened his lips.

"Tell me then, how am I more useful dead?"  
"Don't be so ignorant, you fool. I said it will take some of your life-force not all of it." She was seething now. It was pretty hilarious how he could still get on her nerves.  
"Oh, and how am I better walking around with a healed back, if I'm old as dust and can't walk because of my old withering bones?" He retaliated.

"I don't need much. You will lose couple of years but you will not age – not yet anyway." He still stared at the witch whom quirked her lips and then added in a tone dripping with acid honey;  
"And I believe, that the -oh so mighty assassin Zevran- would do anything to save his beloved." He stared at her, and felt slightly puzzled with her statement. He of course knew he loved her, it was no illusion, but how did she know? The two of them had barely talked since she came back. He did want to get her back, and if she had disappeared somewhere he would never be able to find her fast enough thanks to his condition. He shuddered at the though of losing some years of his life, but then again, he is only alive thanks to her. It seemed a fair price to pay.

"Do it." He croaked, inhaling deep breaths and tried ignoring the tingling of nervosity holding on to his chest.

She nodded and went behind him and pulled up his tunic. He got confused and chuckled;  
"Was this just a way to get-aaah!" She placed her cold hand upon the broken spot in his back, and he could sense a freezing touch on his vertebrae. He gasped and clutched the wardrobes sides to decrease the pain. He felt her hand slowly turn hotter and instead of a cold touch, the opposite, feeling like hot lava took over. He could swear that his entire body was hurting and something was taken away. No doubt his lifespan, he thought.

Then it was over. The pain that he had grown so accustomed to was gone. He was doing some swift movements with his legs, and a genuine smile overtook his tanned feature. No aching pain, no more slow movements. It was gone. He turned and chuckled at a satisfied Morrigan.

"Thank you, dear."  
She just nodded.

"Now, where is that earring?" She asked.

He walked fast over to the side of the bed. Feeling rather ecstatic about being able to walk properly once again. He picked up the small golden earring and smiled at the memories it hold, obviously he thought about the good ones, but she was ravishing when she had been furious, like a wild fire. Then he felt like something took a firm grip around his heart and squeezed it so hard and he needed to catch his breath. If something has happened to her, he wouldn't know what to do. He looked at the earring and heard her happy laughter echoing in his mind. He will find her, and if she had been kidnapped by some strange event, the persons responsible will pay dearly for it! He felt so hollow without her presence, even when they had been apart, he had known where she was. Now, he had no idea and that frightened him more then he wanted to admit. He had tried erasing all the thought swirling in his mind about where she could be, because none of them were particularly pleasant. He blinked his eyes and straightened his shoulders and handed the witch the earring.

She took it and just when she was about to start, the door barged open and a furious king stormed in. He had never seen the templar this angry, and he had seen it many times, most of them actually being caused by him. He saw his seething eyes flickering between the two of them and then focusing on Morrigan.

"WHERE IS SHE?" He bellowed at her. She looked bewildered at the king.

"What are you on about now, you twittering fool." She sighed heavily and massaged her nose bridge, as if taking away an annoying headache.

"You-you did something to her!" He exclaimed, waving his arms in desperation. His formal attire had lost all its charm, due to all the walking around he must have done in the capital, while being in the search party. Dirt had crusted in his once pure white suit. He had worn his armor, Zevran wondered whenever he had time to take it of and still wear that under it.

Morrigan snorted, "and what would that be?"

"You said something that upset her not to long ago! Don't you think I remember, you sneaky witch!" She stared at him, "Really, that's all you have in your so called arsenal?"  
"Very not pathetic!" He sneered.

"I do not know where she is, you dim-witted imbecile."

"Then apparently no one knows where she is." His voice cracked and he sat on the bed, his hands going through his hair.

"By Andraste's flaming sword!" He raged and threw the bed side table against the wall. It broke and fell hard to the ground. He stood up again and headed towards Morrigan. When he inches from her, he asked, deviously calm;

"Do you know anything that could have happened to her?" Morrigan shifted in her position and took a few steps back. That didn't escape Zevran's notion, neither Alistairs.

"I only have a theory, but I need to perform this to conclude it before rushing like a lunatic." She turned and held the earring in her open palm, and mumbled something. The earring suddenly became engulfed in a shimmering red light. Morrigan frowned and then quirked her lips to a satisfactory smile.

"As soon as I will say an incantation, 'tis earring will lead us to our Warden. So I would suggest to you two to get ready." She said, and glided out of the room, the earring hovering over her head.

Alistair immediately headed back to his room, and Zevran went of his own wardrobe that stood in the far corner of the room. Opening it he saw his buckled armor lying there. He frowned and knew he had to get a new one. He wasn't fond of the thought as it would take time to adjust to a new armor. His daggers, boots, leather pants and gloves were all there though. He put them on and chuckled at is reflection. Even he must admit he looked "marvelous" in his white tunic and having armor pieces around it. He attached the potions and poison that were lying next to his belt and put it on.

He did some motions with his "new" legs and pulled out his daggers. His reflexes weren't like before, but he would train on the way, where ever she might be. He would be ready, for her. After a few minutes of practice, he walked out of the room. he could never stop smiling at the healing he received, even if the cost had been...it was worth it.

Zevran found Morrigan leaning against the pillar in the hall room, waiting for everyone to gather. She nodded at Zevran's presence.  
"Now we only have to wait for the templar to show." She sighed.

He was stomping around, he just couldn't help it. He had been numb and unable to do this before and felt like bliss - that he was attached and full once again. Now only his heart needed the same comfort. Diana....

The night was upon them when Alistair showed up with some of his men. He was dressed in a golden armor, the kings armor. Aerian was among them, the assassin spotted, and he looked slightly nervous about joining the expedition. Eamon was running next to the king;  
"Please, Alistair. You must see reason. You can't abandon your duty as a king, you just can't do this. They will find her with the help of your men." Alistair stopped and looked sternly in Eamon's eyes.

"She _is _my queen, therefore she_ is_ my duty. I will save her, and you won't stop me. Besides I'm the only Grey Warden available, and would never abandon a sister. I need to know all facts and the darkspawn are on the move, so I'm needed. Dispatch a letter to her brother, regarding this information - I'm now happy he could not be present today." Zevran frowned at this statement. Technically, she wasn't his, neither on paper or physically.

Alistair walked and stood next to Zevran and Morrigan;

"I see you healed." He stated to Zevran.

"Very clever, my king." He replied coldly.

"I have a favor to ask of you before we head out." Zevran continued quickly.

He gestured for the assassin to continue;  
"I need a new armor."

"We'll get you one at the dwarven smith on the way." Alistair said.  
"You-" He gestured to his men. "-will go outside the city walls and stay there for my command." The soldiers nodded and headed out.

"My spider senses are telling me she is not in the capital." He muttered to the two old time companions. He pulled his cloak around him.

When they were staring at him, he scratched his head and asked very bewildered, "What?"

"How observant you are." Morrigan's sarcasm was dripping.

"Oh, don't think I forgot what happened between you and Diana, and I will find out. The wedding is ruined..."

Zevran cocked his eyebrows.

"That is what enters your mind at this time?"

"What can you expect from a child with a five-year old mentality," Morrigan sniffed beside him. He stuffed a chuckle and tightened his lips. Alistair narrowed his eyes upon them.

"Hey, I'm might be slow but don't do this now. Not when she is..." He turned his head away.

"Lets get you the armor. I know some of my men will get the necessary supplies on the way and lets just go." He muttered and opened the gates and concealed himself with the cloak.

They all heard Eamon yelling after them but no one turned their head to reply anything.

As they headed in the city toward the smith, they didn't raise any awareness. Instead the group mingled and the city itself was in a uproar due to the postponed marriage so paying attention to the citizens was not on the people's top list things to do.

They reached the familiar dwarven smith Gorim that had his usual spot in the market district. After taking some measurements, Zevran got his new leather armor. He loved the new smell of leather, it reminded him of a long lost home that he didn't have any longer. Memories will always enlighten those easy days.

"Bollocks." Someone burped near Gorim. A red haired dwarf came out from the house behind the smith, and Gorim rolled his eyes and looked at the three customers.

"I'm sorry about him." He muttered. Zevran raised his eyebrow, he recognized the dwarf. Could it really be?

"My stout little dwarf, Oghren." He said happily, which made the little dwarf turn and burp even louder.

"Eugh, yes, must be. You can't smell this foul odor anywhere else." Alistair whined.

"pfft. Just because YOU-oou have been busy living fancy like ass-scrabbing princes in the palace and forgot about me doesn't mean I could." He was not making any sense, and Zevran sniffed disgustingly at the stench. He was drunk that was for sure, and Zevran knew the perfect well, cure - something Oghren would love.

"Oghren. We have a proposition for you!"

"We do?" The mage and Alistair asked in union.

After a few minutes that seemed like hours, the assassin convinced Oghren to go and take a bath and get an armor set and a weapon from Gorim and join them to find their lost Warden girl. Alistair and Morrigan had not seemed pleased but they had agreed to it. When they were done, the city was still a turmoil - even if it was past midnight by now. Zevran hoped that Alistair knew what he was doing.

Being outside the city, the templar's men were waiting for them. There were only a group of twenty men and a woman that were going on the search. Having Oghren back added the more humoristic conversations to take place between the lot, and kept the appearance up. Morrigan chanted her spell and the earring glowed clearly red and flew ahead of the group.

"So what now?" Alistair asked while all of them gazed the red glimmering earring.

"We follow." Morrigan answered.

"BAh, pike-twirler! Aye, follow the twinkie to lead us to our doom...let's go." Oghren muttered and they headed out in the depth of the darkness outside Denerim.


	35. Tears from an angel

**Sequel is up. It is called "Aeon of Silence"  
**

_"Cover my eyes_  
_Cover my ears_  
_Tell me these words are a lie_  
_It cant be true_  
_That I'm losing you_  
_The sun cannot fall from the sky_

_Can you hear heaven cry_  
_Tears of an angel"_

The group just had to follow the earring for about an hour before they stopped. You could see the first rays of sunlight taking over the deep black ocean of stars. Morrigan crouched on the soft damp grass, and took something up. By the torchlight, he could see it was a black cloak. It was made of fine material, he went closer to look at it. Morrigan sniffed at it and a grim expression set on her appearance. Zevran took it from her and inhaled the smell. Deep in the disgusting odor, he could smell her fragrance. He looked at the cloak and he recognized it. It was Diana's. He had a torch in his other hand and gazed over the cloak. It felt like steel covered his heart. It had been ripped apart. He gave it back to Morrigan, whom mumbled something unbearable and stepped away from the group.

Alistair stood next to Zevran;  
"That cloak was hers, before you ask." He stated to the king and looked at Morrigan. The witch was looking pensively at the cloak and Zevran had a feeling she knew something he didn't. He stepped over to her;  
"So what do you think?"

She actually jumped by his voice. He chuckled at her furious expression:  
"Well, my theory is correct. I hoped it wasn't."  
"And what is that theory?" He asked gazing up in the sky.

"...the darkspawn have taken her." Zevran blinked and stepped in front of Morrigan.  
"Darkspawn? How could that be?"  
"The baby..." She mumbled.

He remembered what Diana told him on the rooftop but hand't really thought about it. He thought it was her raging hormones talking, or hoping that was the case.

"How is that even possible?" He muttered.

"What is?"  
"She told me she is carrying the archdemon within her." He narrowed his eyes at Morrigan.

"And how could that come to be? If I recall correctly in that battle, you wanted to perform a ritual that would grant you a child, yes?"  
"Oh, so you still remember? I somewhat expected less." She asked surprised.

"I'm an assassin, my dear. I'm taught to observe."  
"Yes, true. Fine I will be blunt. I did do my ritual with Alistair and I did get pregnant. Something backfired in that ritual, since Diana was carrying hers at the same time."  
"I see." He frowned at Morrigan, "So where is the spawn of Alistair?"  
"Eugh, I removed it as soon as I noticed I failed with my goal."

"Sounds like you."  
She scoffed at him.

"That's why the darkspawn must have taken her. I told her about 'tis and she refused to believe me."  
"How did the Orlesians fail to notice the demon within her?" He recalled what those people did to her to see if anything was wrong with her.

"I was there to conceal it, transformed to a raven. I know many things because I never left." She winked her eye at him.

"I'm impressed." he chuckled.

The earring above her head, intensified in its red color. Morrigan cocked her eyebrow. "We need to move, she's in danger." She whispered.

They packed up and followed the light whose light was increasing with every swift movement it did in the air. When they sun was high above the ground, they stopped and saw that the little golden circle shape wanted to lead them underground. The men started to dig where there used to be rocks and found a tunnel leading down what could only be...

"The deep roads, huh?" Alistair sighed. They bucked the rocks away and slid down the small entrance. Zevran scanned with his eyes through the tunnel. He didn't hear or see anything. He lit the torch and gazed the scape around him while his eyes adjusted to darkness.

It didn't take long for them to assemble their party and he, Morrigan and Alistair were in the front.  
The king looked extremely nervous, Zevran noticed;  
"Why so tense?"  
"I feel them. The darkspawn are close."

They stopped for an hour or so to rest and eat. Morrigan was pacing with the earring hovering, and the red color intensified more. Itself was a light in this hole of despair. Zevran just wanted to get Diana and take her out of her to safety and kill anything that would come between that. They walked again, on the guard and the only sound made was their feet against the ground. Then suddenly a cry echoed in tunnel. They all stopped and they all thought the same thing, and started to sprint. They ran after the earring and they came to passage. They stared curiosly at it. It was a big bolted wooden door, and the scrams were from behind it. Diana...

"We need to bring this down now!" Yelled Alistair, and all the men rushed against the gates with their weapons drawn, slashing though the material. It took them a long time and the cries was damped on the other side. If anything happened to her....They got the door opened and they all got paralyzed. Zevran couldn't move and he saw his horror come alive. She was lying on a altar of some kind, and blood was all over her body, especially down. The baby had been born. He saw a strange looking monster having the small baby girl in its arms, covered in a blanket. It cried out loudly and the thing holding it smiled at them.  
"I wondered how long it would take for you to come. No matter, you are to late." he said in a malice tone. A talking darkspawn? How could that be? He did a gesture to an emissary and he left with the rest of the darkspawn. They were easy targets, why didn't they want to attack? He didn't have time to think when the emissary pulled an exhausted pale girl in its arms, blood dripping over her legs. Zevran tried to move but found it impossible, and just stared when....

The group stared as the emissary stabbed through her chest. NO! Apparently strong feelings can break hold of the spell. Alistair and him were the only ones that could move. Morrigan were only a few seconds after and the spell broke its hold on its prisoners. The emissary had run away. Alistair wanted to stay, but Morrigan scurried him to hunt the darkspawn with his men. They needed the child. He reluctantly nodded and hurried off. Morrigan removed the paralyzing charm from Zevran. There were only the two mages, him and...  
"DIANA!" She fell like a gracious angel to the ground, with blood running down through her once white dress.

_"Stop every clock_  
_Stars are in shock_  
_The river will flow to the sea_  
_I wont let you fly_  
_I wont say goodbye_  
_I wont let you slip away from me"_

He ran as fast his legs would let him and crashed beside her, and took her shaking body in his arms. He ran his hands up an down her cold arms, and took away the crimson blood curls from her face.

She panted heavily and focused her eyes on Zevran;

"Z-zev." Her voice was weak, and filled with trembling notion.  
"I'm here, my emerald." He was surprised how his own voice cracked.

She smiled her soft smile at him and coughed in his chest. He saw to his horror that she coughed up blood.

"Aerian! Morrigan!" The both mages ran to his side.

"Heal her." He almost yelled at the both of them.

Aerian felt through her body and shook his head.  
"She is to far gone with a newly birth and...I'm sorry."

"Morrigan! You can heal her with your blood magic, can you not?" he was growing desperate.

She was staring at Diana.  
"Morrigan!"  
"I can, but with her wounds it would require another one's life."

"Don't" said the week Warden.

"No one else will die bec-because of me." Zevran stared at her blood freckled face. She looked like a ghost and his hand was lying on her chest, where the blood was still running freely through her dress, like a river. He felt one of her cold hand lying on top of his hand.

"Then take mine." He said to Morrigan. Her eyes widened and stared with shock at him.

"No. You will not." Diana looked at him.

"I will."  
"If you do that, I will complete the fall." She added and looked at him knowingly. He couldn't respond to her, and he trembled.

"Its okay Zev. I can see them..."She smiled, "my parents, Wynne, Leliana..." her voice faded, and he shook her lightly and she coughed again. He hugged her upper body tightly to his rapidly beating chest.

"I can't lose you, not again...I can't..." He felt hot wetness dripping on his cheeks.

"You will not lose me. I'll will be with you in your memories." She whispered to him and traced her fingertips on his cheek.

"The child is whats important now. You need to find it Zevran." He shook his head lightly while her freezing hand cupped his cheek.  
"I will not let you slip away." He said firmly and stared into her watery eyes. The glimmer was ignited in them, the deep emerald dream awoken. She was growing paler by the second and Zevran dug his finger deeper in her thin white fabric. He was finding himself fighting a losing battle. The assassin was not used to lose, and his ragged breath was escalating to the point of hyperventilation.

"You can't..." He couldn't bear to finish the sentence. Seeing the woman he loved slipping further and further away with every intake of breath she inhaled. Her eyelids were closed and she smiled at him.

No! his hand went on the back of her head, granting him more access to look at her pure white, beautiful, scarred face. She was not fighting, she had realized this was a release for her, didn't she? He placed his forehead upon hers and felt the dampness hot upon his cheeks and felt so weak. He had never cried before. Get a grip! He told himself, but he couldn't and the flow was increasing. He shut his eyes as in an attempt to remove the building pressure that wanted to release behind his eyes. He would not break it, she will not see him weak..she will not...his thought got interrupted by her dry lips kissing him, and he returned it. The taste of her blood didn't bother him at all, it was hers. It only scared him, because coughing up blood was never good. She breathed upon his lips.

"It's okay, Zev." while caressing his cheek. It was hurting to have his eyes closed and he couldn't take it, this was worse then any torture he had endured before, and when he opened his eyes to lock with her ever-so-green eyes, the dam breached. A gut-wrenching sob escaped his body.

"I love you..." She whispered to him and kissed him through his sobbing. He would never let go, maybe if they kept kissing she would not let go. She can't slip away then, can she? His lips met hers with fervor, and her hands were in his hair, holding on tightly. He kept kissing, watering her lips with his touch. He could feel her draining away, and he intensified and deepen their kiss in failing attempt to prevent it.

Don't let go, please! He would never do a thing that would hurt her ever again. Never deprive her of the attention she craved from him. Everything, not this. Not having to hold her like this here, in the deep roads. She deserved better; to be roaming free, wind running through her hair and laughing. Not being in the depth of the deep roads, robbed of every thing she loved except him.

Then after what seemed forever in the cold harsh darkness, her hands fell to her sides and she stopped moving. He was still kissing her unresponsive lips that didn't need any more air, tears running like a waterfall from his eyes. She can't die. She was his goddess. He refused to open his eyes and embrace it and cried in her pulse-less neck.

Everything around him had diminished, and it was only the two of them there in a dark dream. He would never leave her side again and the sobs echoed through the tunnel of the depths. A baby girl cried in the arms of a malice evil monster, deeper down the engulfed darkness. Who would she live to become?

_"Can you hear heaven cry_  
_Tears of an angel_  
_Tears of aaaaaaaa..._  
_Tears of an angel_  
_Tears of an angel." tears from an angel, RyanDan_

**The End**

**Sequel is up. It is called "Aeon of Silence"**


End file.
